• 2 months ago

    Quit again 4 days ago.

    Hi, I’m glad WebMD has this stop smoking message board for me to lean on and to have a place to be accountable and to go to when I need to talk through this. I had stopped smoking before for about 10 years but fighting for my daughter (still fighting) in a horrible still ongoing custody battle with an Alienating Parent that has Alienated my daughter from me 7-1/2 years ago ended up with me reaching for my drug fix of nicotine/cigarette after not seeing my daughter at month 7 and of course it got me through this hell for maybe 2 -3 years and then a cigeratte didn’t fix things for the emotional pain for stress or buy time until I find lawyers to take my case and the toll of the accumilating pain over took what smoking could provide me to cope with and in a perfect world THATS WHEN I KNEW MY SMOKING SHOULD STOP... but we all know that’s not how it works when your addicted and now it’s 5 years later and seriously trying to quit for the last 2 years actually took place 4 days ago because of all the aligning factors required for me to really be ready to quit all magically lined up and presented my window of opportunity and I jumped at my chance. I know all the times in my last 33 years since I had my first cigarette when this window of opportunity has clearly presented itself that I choose to not take and then continued to smokes for many more years after before that window would be there for me again and in my late teens/20’s I walked away from all those opportunities knowing exactly what I was doing and there wasn’t anything important enough for me to want to quit but in my early 30’s (before I had my daughter) I started using the excuse that when I get pregnant THEN I QUIT and this ex at the time just had to say to me that I have my (soon to be stepson) right now... AND I NEVER PICKED UP A CIGERATTE AGAIN until 7 years ago with losing my daughter (and stepson)... THIS TIME using my children as the incentive did not work as this fight to see my daughter has been so hopeless through the years (but never have stopped firecly fighting) and what it took was my life insurance agent mentioning I was turning 50 (I know it sound impossible to be 49 and litteratly have no concept that 50 is next but it’s like in the blink of an eye I had my daughter until she was 6-1/2 and trying to make me believe it’s been more than 7-1/2 years without seeing my own child and how could she be now 14 when I last saw her being 6-1/2.... so I don’t pay attention to my age and until my life insurance agent said it me I JUST NEVER THOUGHT OF TURNING 50!) and it health scared me beyond belief that I Was still smoking just a couple months being this age and that just is not okay on any level for me... THEN for the first time ever I finically couldn’t afford that pack of cigarettes until I get paid and was not going to act like an addict this time searching for 1/2 smoked cigarettes in my car or looking in empty packs when I know damn well I found those all butts the last time I ran short on money that got me through one day of having to wait to get paid... now I had/have to wait 5 days and I was just not going to make myself go through it but what sealed the deal that actual day fell on my daughter’s 14th birthday AND I KNEW MY WINDOW OF OPRROUNITY JUST PRESENTED ITSELF and calmly took it. I know it’s only 4 days but I know it’s the real deal just like the last time I stopped for 10 years was the real deal... this time for the 2nd half of my life and so my daughter never has to see me smoke or smell like cigarettes for as long as I live. It’s all just a big relief that I’m on day 4 already.
    Thanks for letting me share my story. I needed to do that for myself.

Responses

  • 30 days ago

    RE: Quit again 4 days ago.

    I just joined this message board today (April 26, 2019) so, your post is 1 month old. I hope that you are still doing good and have continued to not smoke. Thank you for sharing your story. My heart hurts for you! As a mother of 2 boys (16 and 12 years old), I cannot imagine not being able to see them. I pray you will be reunited with your daughter. Keep on going without smoking!