• 6 months ago

    Performance Anxiety Help

    This might be a little lengthy so I apologise for that in advance. I am 35 years old and in what I consider to be relatively decent health. I have been with the same woman for over two years now. This is the woman that I intend to spend the rest of my life with. She means everything to me. She is sexy, smart, and just all around amazing. We have built a great, strong relationship together. We waited about 3 months into the relationship before we became sexual. Everything was fine for quite a while. Then I think what happened was, that we had an experience that I believed was not good enough for her. I also had and incident where I was doubting weather she wanted to be with me, or if I was enough for her..

    All my life I have always had a "weird" sex drive for a guy. Sex is great, and I love it and all but I can take it or leave it. I have never had that, have to have it every day if possible type libido that a lot of men I know have and just observing the way men act towards women out in the world.

    That's the background, here is what's happening. Her and I will start fooling around and I have no problem getting aroused. Then when it comes time to get naked and really get to it, it's like a turtle going to hide in his shell. I can feel my heart racing, and if I am able to get it in there, it's lackluster how long I am able to go. Obviously this is terribly frustrating for her and I.

    I do not want to lose her over this, I have been honest with her about what I think is happening. Performance anxiety obviously right? She is all about getting through it together and all that. But we have had 2 or 3 bad experiences since talking about it and zero "good" experiences. I have noticed that if she let's me go down on her for some reason that gets and keeps me aroused. Probably because I love doing it. She is timid about that type of thing though. She likes it but doesn't have a lot of experience receiving so it's new to her.

    I guess what I'm asking is does anyone have any REAL suggestions. I keep reading "just don't think about it" or "just relax and let it happen" and that's great if it wasn't just generalized horoscope type advice.. how do you do those things specifically.

    Ugh sorry for the length here.. this is just nuts to me because I love this woman so much. Any thoughts would be very helpful.

    Thank yoh