• 2 days ago

    Depression

    I’m 18 years old. When everything started I was 15 years old. At first it was anxiety, I was nervous about everything and worrying too much. Everyone including me thought it was some teenager’s usual condition. Then, on several days I experienced panic attacks. Number of those days increased as time went by. I became isolated from my friends and classmates. I couldn’t talk to anyone. Feeling alone all the time led me to my first phase of depression in summer. I couldn’t eat, feel anything, I even didn’t notice when I was crying. After some weeks I got up (with help of one particular person), but feeling of happines came rarely, almost never. These years have passed with various emotional breakdowns and mostly, panic attacks. Now, I’ve managed to get to university, feeling that I have chance to leave some things behind and live a new life. A week ago I realised it was another pointless comfort to myself. Nothing has really changed. Every day I think and think and think and I can’t find my place in this world, i feel lonely, relationships become harder, I feel confusion without any solutions. With all this I have problem with my sleep cycle. I have some suicide thoughts but what keeps me here are my parents. My death will kill them both. That is the only reason why I live. Pointless days, heartbreaking truth, dissapointment and no idea how to be resilient.