• 11 days ago

    My Persona and the Mentality That Comes With Me.

    I am younger than 80% of the people here by a long shot and yet I am writing as if I am projecting my family pictures. It actually makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I have depression, anxiety, and I am likely to have bipolar disorder. (It is already showing). My depression has progressed greatly over the years. My emotions are constantly being kept in a bottle and it looks as if it is about to shatter. I have a younger sister who is 13 months apart from me. She thinks she can still have control over me, a lot. She gossips about me, slanders me, and tries to defile me on a daily basis. Of course she is just the trigger and I am the one doing the damage upon my self. I am bipolar, so I get mad quickly when she shows attitude or something else incredibly stupid. I end up in a conflict with myself afterwards while she silently laughs. I try not to show weakness but I guess it is always going Tobe written across my face. I don't self harm, or at least I have a different interpretation of it. I always punch my wall and I end up getting all flustered and I want to break everything in sight. I don't because worrying my family is the last thing I want to do. It is just hard living with the one person who can hurt me the most and uses that to their advantage. Writing never seems to help. I can never talk to anyone about my problems and writing never gets everything out. Of course talking doesn't either. Being kept in my little box is the thing I hate most. Personally, I guess I think that this whole passage was a way of me expressing and hiding behind myself. If that even makes sense. I want to show my struggle but I don't want to say anything I will regret or be guilty for. I guess that is the whole point of this anyway, huh. My bottle of emotions can't be opened though. If I open it, there will be no end of outpour and my sanity will slip away. There some boundaries I have set for these next few post and I will still try to seek help. - To whoever may be reading....

Responses

  • 5 days ago

    RE: My Persona and the Mentality That Comes With Me.

    i can’t offer much of anything in the area of help here, but i can relate to a lot of what you’re going through. i joined this page so i had somewhere to anonymously talk about my mental illnesses and try to find new coping skills, and this way i’m not bothering anybody. once you’ve bottled your emotions so long, it becomes habit and seems impossible to open up, or better if you didn’t. what i’ve learned is those feelings are very incorrect, and you should definitely find somebody you can open up to about your feelings - even if it’s on this message board. i used to punch my walls, doors, etc. i’d throw things and yell and at the end of it, all i ended up with was a few days of a painful hand or a broken phone or a mess to clean up, on top of scaring/worrying my loved ones. it’s extremely difficult to do, but it can become habit - when you feel that way, go somewhere where you can be by yourself and tell yourself helpful or encouraging things. for me, that was “punching the wall/destroying things isn’t gonna accomplish anything and is gonna make me feel worse afterwards.” and you might still feel upset afterwards, but that’s why you’re by yourself - so you can have quiet to calm down as much as possible and get your thoughts in order.
  • 5 days ago

    RE: My Persona and the Mentality That Comes With Me.

    Many clinical experience proves that depression can be effectively alleviated, but it cannot be cured, because depression is a permanent part of a person's psychological makeup, and its relief is temporary, not permanent.