• Depressed and screwed

    I wish I could find a way...
    I guess we could start at 5 1/2 years ago. My wife and I separated. It was my idea to separate. My daughter was 8 at the time. Counseling with my wife was not working. Things were spinning faster and faster out of control. At our last counseling session my wife said, “you destroyed my heart. I’m going to destroy your life.” I thought it was just upset talk, but later I came to find out that she was serious. short story = She attacked me repeatedly using the police and ***. My public defender sucked and I am now a felon. She continued to attack me, try to set me up for things for the following years. I soon had to stop seeing my daughter because of these attacks. I had to completely separate myself from anything connected to my now ex. I haven’t seen my daughter for 5 years now. It’s like she was kidnapped from me. I have no family for support. I ended up becoming a truck driver because I needed a place to live, I live in the truck, because it’s hard for a felon to find a place to rent, especially when you were evicted while you were in jail for the bs felony charge. I’m obviously depressed as I have nothing and anything that mattered to me was ripped from my life. I have tendinitis in both my wrists, which extremely limits my career choices as a felon. I basically cannot do anything repeatedly with my hands without pain and swelling. Typing this out on my phone hurts... I feel lost in this truck, driving in circles, for no reason. I don’t trust people, and cannot make new friends. Oh yea, I lost my few friends. They all just stopped talking to me right after I was arrested for the felony. Later I found out that she told them that I had been molesting my daughter. Which obviously was not happening. She must have been very convincing though... Anyways, I’m alone, afraid to put myself out there to new people. I have no place to call home, I have no interest in hobbies I used to love anymore. I have no real distraction from my pain. And I’m sober... I can’t take depression meds because of my job. I just get to deal with my depression. I’m out on the road working for 4 weeks at a time, and then get 4 days off. On my days off I basically just hang out in my truck and watch tv. I haven’t had the desire to fish, hike, camp, or do anything that I used to enjoy, mainly because I used to share my hobbies with my family and doing them now brings back memories and increases my depression. All of my happy memories form the past have been destroyed as they now just bring about anger and depression. I’ve already fought my way through years of anxiety and PTSD created from the destruction of my life. Those symptoms seem to be fading away, but the depression, I’m not sure that there is a was for me to shake it, especially considering my current solitary situation, which I see no way of changing for at least another 2 years when my felony and eviction become 7 years old. There’s no point to my life. Another 2 years seems a lifetime away in my current state of being. I’m just surviving. Barely.

Responses

  • 8 days ago

    RE: Depressed and screwed

    Wow sorry to hear all this. I wish I could do something for you.
      • Thanks. I wish that there was something else that I could do for myself. I just tried to set up therapy over the phone, but apparently in my case that’s not an option as a therapist can only give you counseling in the state that they are licensed in. Me, being a trucker, and never really knowing what state I’ll be in a few days down the road; it’s impossible to schedule an appointment. My life seems like myriad of roadblocks that won’t let me move forward.
      • Thanks. I wish that there was something else that I could do for myself. I just tried to set up therapy over the phone, but apparently in my case that’s not an option as a therapist can only give you counseling in the state that they are licensed in. Me, being a trucker, and never really knowing what state I’ll be in a few days down the road; it’s impossible to schedule an appointment. My life seems like myriad of roadblocks that won’t let me move forward.
      • 8 days ago
        Wow... question? Why did you break her heart?

        And why don't you try different options to do something?

        Don't you have family here?
      • I didn’t mean to break her heart. We just didn’t get along anymore. Constant arguing. I’m not saying that I was perfect... We basically just annoyed the crap out of each other. She would always yell at me in front of our daughter. I asked her over and over again not to. I decided that it was in our daughters best interest to separate.

        I’m not sure what else to do. Ive recently tried to rent a place. Then maybe find a local job, to give myself a chance to meet people; hoping that I could break out of my shell. All rental applications denied.

        No family... Parents both passed away
      • 8 days ago
        Wow what did make her yell at you. Did you yell back? Who started that first??? Wow rental denied.. you can get in to the single house basement rental. Check that out from different websites. You can break our fron shell. Make friend or be connected with old friends.

        TC