• 26 days ago

    My mental health journey

    I've been in foster care since I was 5 , I am now 16, I was abused by my father and so was my mum and brother, I got removed from my family and have been moved from home to home all my life like a recyclable disposable unworthy toy! I feel like I'm unloved because everyone gives up on me and my worst fear is loosing the ones I love and care about* I find it hard to trust and let people in because of this reason. I'm not Ina group home and I don't even know why! Cause I'm unloved and a lost cause. Maybe no one will love me, and I'm also bisexual and people say that gross but I am who I am and at least I have more of a variety and can connect not just physically but emotionally with the person who chooses they want all of me and all my flaws and the package deal I guess. People say I'm strong but really I'm not, I may act like it but really I'm drowning in my emotions each and everyday. I like to write songs and sing and play my guitar, it's like when I'm doing that I'm in a different world and mindset and forget everything I've been through. I have been diagnosed with multiple of mental health issues but working through them. I find it hard to let people in though an feeling more and more isolated and alone and unloved each and every day's trying to put one foot in front of the other but when will that stop. ?

    Add me on Instagram if you want : chelsgreen16

    Facebook
    : Chelsea prassinas (the one with the donkey)

    And feel free to contact me on 0410429801:)

    P.s- do U ever feel like you have to stay strong and pretend everything is okay and push people away because that all you know and can do...
    Help me ! I have had so many anxiety attack altely, been going in and out of hospital from suicide ideationand self harm, smoking , trying to push the people close to me away and building up more and more wall making it harder for anyone to break them down, been feeling more alone then ever, feeling like all I wanna do is cry, feeling unloved,feeling worthless, disposable, recyclable and etc. Am I just a lost cause?

Responses

  • 26 days ago

    RE: My mental health journey

    Awwwww Chelsgreen16, of course you're not a lost cause! You are a beautiful creation of God who has unfortunately been abused and taught that you are unlovable and worthless by those who should have loved and protected you the most! That is SO tragic and heartbreaking! NO ONE should ever have to go through what you did - no one! I am so sorry that you did, and that your heart was broken! If only I could reach through this screen and hold you with arms of love and tell you that NONE of what you experienced was your fault! You didn't deserve ANY of it - I promise you!

    I think that even more tragic than the act of abuse and neglect is the message it speaks to your heart and soul, and that it lives on and grows until you can somehow find a way to heal! You are already experiencing the voices in your head that says you are unworthy, worthless, unloved, and disposable. Those voices are liars! You learned them from those who abused and mistreated you! It's a natural thing for you to feel that way after tragedy and abuse, but likewise, you CAN learn to retrain your way of thinking when you work on healing your heart!

    Before those thoughts and feelings take over any longer, I would beg of you to somehow seek therapy - someone who specializes in childhood abuse - preferably a woman in your case. If you can find someone that you like and feel comfortable with, you could potentially go very far in your work toward healing! I say "potentially" because you get out of therapy how much you put in - so you have to do the work! But a loving, compassionate therapist who is skilled at what she does can help you do wonders in getting your life back! I won't say that it's easy, but believe me, it would be the absolutely best thing you could do for yourself! Stay in therapy for as long as you need to! There are no rules for how long!

    I desire for you to know that I hear you! I know that you are hurting and you have every right to! You feel that you are worthless and unlovable, and I understand! The one thing that I want you to know is that they are all just feelings! Feelings are fickle and they are NOT always based on the truth! That is how it is with you right now - your feelings are not facts! You see them as such because of what you have experienced, but that does not mean they are facts! Fact is that you were abused, and what he did can NOT change who you were before you were abused, you know? You were lovable then and you are lovable now! You deserve to be loved! What you experienced was NOT love!

    I know that what I just said does not take away from how you feel, nor do I expect it to. I just want you to start hearing the truth so that in time, you will know it as well and feel accordingly!

    Please reach out to whoever is appropriate in your life to ask to be able to start seeing a trained therapist!

    There IS hope! I would love to see you on these boards again!

    Be gentle to yourself and know that the pain and heartache you are going through is normal for what your young life has already experienced, but there is hope for healing and a life that gives you joy!

    Debbie