• 5 months ago

    Current Transparency

    Amid a sullen, dubious, spring, Wednesday, I currently feel sad, depressed, isolated, hopeless, sleepy, profoundly lonely, and emotionally/ physically paralyzed. For the last monthly, my depression have worsten. I am frequently laying on my couch with lack of energy, motivation, and weariness. I tend to binged eat unhealthy foods. Getting out of bed is difficult as I struggled obtaining adequate sleep. Frequently- I feel irritated. I have difficult time getting out the house due to lack of motivation and persistent tiredness. And- I feel angry, hurt, and non significant that I really do not have close friends. And- the associates I have seem to not care when I assert my needs for socialization which evokes me to isolate more. I have not been to psychological therapy in about a month. I detest my current therapist, and just reached out to my mental health clinic to request a new one. Unforunately- my old therapist was frequently late for appointments, disrespectfully minimized my feelings and concerns. Eventually- going back to therapy will enable me to candidly talk about my feelings and notions. I have found talk therapy to be immensely advantageous and feasible to a healthy mentality. Previously- I was doing twice a week one hour counseling sessions. However- I need a therapy that I respect and click with. That last therapist was amicable, but we did not vibe.

    On a positive note, I been taking my medications for depression, frequently journaling, reading the Bible, writing out prayers, listening to sermons, talk radio,eclectic music, particualarly jazz and classical, reading intriguing suspenseful novels, watching a pltheora of You Tube channels.

    Currently- I am assidiously reading a well written, suspenseful, thought provoking, turn pager, novel: " Swing Time" by prolific, insightful, and animated mavern author, Zaddie Smith. Basically- the scene takes place in London, England, in which two main Black female characters lads developed a friendship around dance. There is intersectionailty between: race, class, gender, history, culture, geography, feminism, matriarch and patriarch power, politics, light and darkness. What I like about this novel is the significance of authentic friendships, ascertaining one' s purpose, taking risk to obtain one' s dreams, contending with conflict. And- how dance and history were employed as commodities to evolve into one' s humanity.