• 5 months ago

    Depression or Bipolar???

    First, I'd like to say that I'm going through the worst depression of my life, or second. The suicidal thoughts are creeping back into my mind and the want to harm myself is strong. The only things keeping me going are my fiancé, dogs, chickens, fish and plants. They are the only reason I get out of bed and shower...sometimes. My meds don't seem to be working and I'm just tired of it.

    I've been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and PTSD. I'm no expert but I have noticed a pattern in my behavior. I'm mostly depressed, but I have spouts of energy and motivation. So much so that it gets out of control.

    I clean the entire house, can't sleep, get my libido back, work tirelessly all day, create crazy unreachable goals for myself, have thoughts of invincibility, wanting to take on the world, believing I can and will do whatever it takes to be successful. I do all my chores and work for the month in less than a week. I spend large amounts of money because I am just SO SURE it will pan out. Then come back down to earth and regret making decisions like that.

    The reason these manic episodes haven't been brought up in the doctors office or at the therapist is because I like it. I want to be that crazy busy and successful person that my depression self can't be.

    Help? Advice? Please?


  • 5 months ago

    RE: Depression or Bipolar???

    Advice is to talk with your doctor (Psychiatrist?) - You can't get the kind of treatment that you need if/when you withhold information. A large part of getting better is being honest with yourself and honest with your doctors and therapist. Without all of the info, you are only cheating yourself.

    Sure, you like the manic episodes because who wouldn't when compared to depression, right? But if you communicate honestly with your doctor, then hopefully both areas can be addressed.

    You said that your meds don't seem to be working re depression. Have you said that to your doctor? How long have you been taking the med that doesn't seem to be working? Again, your doctor can NOT help you if you don't speak up! If the med you are on isn't helping re depression, then tell you doctor! He/she will either increase dosage or change meds, but he/she will do nothing if he/she assumes it's working because you said nothing. You see?

    The goal is to get both the depressed and manic side stabilized so that they are no longer extreme up or down, then stay on the meds that work!

    So seems to me that you need to talk with your doctor about 1) how your meds aren't helping re depression and 2) tell him/her about your manic episodes. You may think you like the mania now, but just wait until it ruins your life and those around you, then it won't look so appealing!

    Be honest - you are the one who ultimately gets hurt by not communicating with your doctor and therapist. Continue to withhold info and don't tell the doctor specifically how the meds are not helping your with depression and you will be effectively sabotaging your own well being. Is that what you want?

    Take care of you and be your own best advocate!