• 13 days ago

    The Very Worst Part

    Hi, I am 50 years old and have been suffering from depression in varying degrees for my entire life. I had kept it at bay for several years and then recently met someone that I fell in love with only to find out they were in love with someone else. Wow did it return with a vengeance.

    To me the worst part is that you are alone no matter where you go and no matter what you do. If you are alone, you are tortured by your own thoughts. If you are not, you want desperately for those who may care for you to say or do anything to fix it....as if you cannot breathe. They want desperately to help but don't have access to the air to keep you from suffocating.

    Depression is like an old enemy who has found their way back with new and more pointed weapons. Not only is the pain as acute as ever but now my age has me convinced that there is not a way I will ever be happy in this life; that I am doomed to be a spectator to something I have not somehow earned or deserve.

Responses

  • 6 days ago

    RE: The Very Worst Part

    I could have written the same letter!
    I wish I had some advice for you. I have more than ten years on you and my life hasn’t started yet. I should say my happiness hasn’t started yet.
    I haven’t even been on a date in 15 years.
    I’m so lonely.
    I fell in love with someone who became a friend instead of a lover. I constantly hear about all the fun she is having with her significant other. It’s like my nose is rubbed in it while I sit home alone. I love our time together but it sure hurts saying goodbye, knowing she will be with another.
    I could move on if there was someone else but I don’t know where to start.

    I know I’m not much help but we both must try to be positive.
    Best of luck to you.
  • 6 days ago

    RE: The Very Worst Part

    I too suffer from chronic depression and don't forget anxiety. My life is not over and yours isn't either. Get to a good mental health provider and be open to taking medicine. Journal-do oh shucks and three what a gift a day. Surround your self with good people, church, a book club any thing that puts you in contact with good people. Remember each day is a real chance to feel better
  • 6 days ago

    RE: The Very Worst Part

    Your words are my feelings for most of my 64 years. You are not alone and you are still here. Don't give up on life...the struggle is worth it!
      • 6 days ago
        I too suffered Great Depression.
        I underwent TMS. It helped get rid of the depression. Try it. Hopefully it’ll work for you too.
      • 6 days ago
        What is TMS?
  • 6 days ago

    RE: The Very Worst Part

    It was as if I was reading a story about my life. I am a single 57 yr old female and have been for at least 15 yrs. I do not date or become interested in anyone for fear of rejection. I loved being married or in a monogamous relationship. I even convinced myself I was not complete unless I was. Through several failing marriages and countless years of pain and suffering, I just stopped altogether.
    My depression became its worst when my relationships were on a downward spiral. I contemplated ending my pain & life many times. I felt nobody knew or understood the pain I was in and it hurt that much more. So I began to isolate myself. I felt that if nobody was around, I couldn’t be disappointed or hurt.
    It’s still a struggle every day but I try very hard to just survive. Meditation has helped although I can not seem to quit my mind so I listen to binaural beats at night when I go to bed.
    I’ve read a lot about trying to keep a positive mindset. The Law of Attraction intrigued me. It’s said that whatever you put out in the world you attract. But when you’ve been raised in a negative environment all your life it’s extremely hard to break that pattern of living as well as thought.
    I pray you find the peace, love & happiness that you deserve but know and accept that you are ok alone. Do something that makes you feel good. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing to do...if you attract someone in the process, try to remember it’s ok to try again because if you do not...you will never know if it was the one.
    rené
  • 6 days ago

    RE: The Very Worst Part

    There are a number of things that I have used for chronic depression. Antidepressants worked for me for almost 20 years. When I recently relapsed, ECT worked really well. An alternative is ketamine infusions which helped friends of mine. Don't give up! Be more proactive. You will feel better!
  • 5 days ago

    RE: The Very Worst Part

    Depression is real and no one knows what it is like unless they've been through it. I had a similar experience to you, and I can tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. It seems as if you have experienced that as well.

    I don't know your circumstances, but one thing that was helpful for me was to join a group where I could meet new people and serve others. Attending or joining a church is also a useful resource.
    Therapy and medication help as well.

    Everyday, look for small victories, and remember that the negative thoughts you have are the depression speaking. They can be distracting, but don't allow them to guide your life.

    Hang in there, and best wishes!