• 9 days ago

    Spouse of depressed husband

    I’ve been married to my husband for almost 10 years. Half of that time, he’s been on medication for depression. It’s been hard, but our love has also been strengthened through many trials and difficult times that we’ve made through. In connection with his depression is what seems like a whirlwind in his employment. He was a teacher, but found the work unfulfilling (as a current teacher, I totally understand that the high demands dictate the need for a love of the profession in spite of those demands and low pay). He wishes to find joy in his work, but unfortunately he has been passed for several positions and it has worn on him. I now find that my happiness is being impacted dramatically by his. I worry about that. I have always been able to see the forest for the trees, have had a positive attitude, can think through things rationally. But now I find that I come home, feed the dogs, and find whatever I can for dinner, then go to bed. Being stressed about work is bad enough, but also trying to be strong for him all the time is wearing on me. I don’t want to say that but it’s true. I wish to be supportive of him but I also know how important it is to take care of myself, and I feel guilty about it. I know I shouldn't. But I do. I worry that I now have depression because he does. I don’t want to resent him for that, and I fear that I will. To make matters worse, the one year anniversary of his mother’s death is coming up and he was just rejected again today for a position that would’ve been perfect for him and for us. I find myself gearing up for what I know will be a time he needs me to be supportive, but part of me doesn’t feel like I have it in me to do it. And the guilt comes back. I guess I’m not really looking for any advice, I just don’t have anybody to talk to about it. Thanks for reading.