• 3 months ago

    My girlfriend doesn’t understand my depression or how to support me through it; she gets angry/upset

    Hey everyone, I’ve been feeling depressed and anxious a lot more often ever since graduation from college because I have so much to worry about. I barely pay rent, student loans start this month, I have 2 jobs but don’t have much extra money so I never go out and have fun with friends anymore. I’ve been losing interest in video games that I play and I get angry at the most stupid things. When I look at myself in the mirror I see all the things I’ve messed up on and I feel like I have very low self confidence. I don’t want to look good, and when my girlfriend compliments me I just say no and ask her to stop. All of this has obviously affected my relationship, to the point that we go weeks without having sex because I’m never in the ‘sexy’ mood. She hates it and constantly jokes about to try to get me to realize what I’m missing, but I only get sucked deeper into feeling sad and mad at myself for not being how I use to. I try to explain why I feel this way to her but she just thinks I’m using excuses and has even pushed me to take meds which is 100% my last option and she knows that. I feel like she doesn’t support me the way I want and just wants me to be better but I know that won’t happen overnight. How do I get her to understand that there is no simple fix and even tho I’ve made her feel hopeless, I just need support when I’m acting stupid instead of her getting mad at me and pushing me further into my depressive and anxious thoughts?
    Also, I’d like to join a support group to talk about my feelings and possibly connect with other cisgender men who don’t subscribe to gender norms but feel like the people in their life pushes them to be who they aren’t.
    Thank you!


  • 2 months ago

    RE: My girlfriend doesn’t understand my depression or how to support me through it; she gets angry/upset


    I think it sounds like you need to focus on getting yourself healed and healthy mentally. It's hard for anyone to relate to or live with someone with severe depression and that doesn't make them bad. Depression is HARD to live with and I suffer depression yet would never expect anyone to have to put up with me when I'm not functioning well and symptomatic.

    So what are some treatments for depression that are successful? A combo of medication and therapy are KNOWN to be successful - for some people, finding the right med is a bit more difficult, and some people are treatment resistant re meds, but other than that - meds help. Meds cant do everything - that's where therapy comes in. Meds cant make the mental, emotional, behavioral changes that therapy can help facilitate. Of course, the client has to be willing to do the work for therapy to be any good, but if you want to get better, then you do whatever it takes!

    Bottom line is you need to focus on getting yourself better before you can be very successful in a relationship. Not saying you have to end it, but your focus right now needs to be on your mental health, yes?

    Hang in there and take care of you!