• 3 months ago

    idk

    I had no friends and no one to talk to before 1 month. I was pretty depressed, still am. So I came to know about a site on internet that lets you make friends. And so I registered there, behavior there was a lot like dating sites. You don't get any replies if you're below average looking and no initial messages if you aren't girl or extremely good-looking. I realized how much looks matter even for having some friend. This is got me even more depressed, I removed my photo and put anime avatar as display picture. And somehow managed to find 2 friends. I was talking to them daily while still looking for other friends as I couldn't talk to them much because of time differences or because of them already having other tons of friends. I uploaded my pics again for some reason I don't know. After texting 100 people I would get a reply of 1. Mostly would just disappear after 1 reply, some talking so less or taking so long in reply that you lose interest and just give up. Even if I somehow find someone who talks to me, its always has to be me to start to conversation It was like "I message them, they reply. I don't, they don't." I hate it and so I never found anyone to talk to other than those 2. Now I'm used to losing friends so I have experience. I know we get hurt when things don't go to our expectations. I've trained myself to not expect what's not in reach. And so I didn't expect that my friendship with those 2 would last forever but I still expected to last it some months and it ended even before that. Now I'm so depressed, this is reality of me for finding friends. I can see the reason why I'm single since birth. I don't see myself anywhere in future either. I don't know if this life is even worth living. I don't remember last time I smiled, felt genuine happiness or even had fun. I'm 16 turning 17 this year and I have been suicidal for last 1 and a half year. The only thing that keeps me going is the fear of after-life. I'm Agnostic and I'm not sure whether there is one or not. What's in it for me, what if it's worse. and I don't want it even if it's heaven. So the only thing I can say I'm alive for is hope that someday human-hibernation would be in my reach so I would be able to hibernate myself for eternity. And I also don't know why I'm posting all this here, I just wanted to say it. Also I'm pessimistic and know the reality and facts so crap like "Your matter. Looks don't matter bla bla" does not help me or even put a smile on my face. I don't know what could anyone say that would help me in any way.

Responses

  • 3 months ago

    RE: idk

    Well I'm not going to tell you that looks don't matter because unfortunately it does in this society. That doesn't mean you have to be apart of it, be your own self, try finding who you are and embrace it. You're young, high school will soon be over and just because a few kids online didn't like you too much doesn't mean anything, believe me. There are TONS of people on this earth, you'll find some good friends who love you for you, it just takes time, good things always do. I'm sorry you've had those thoughts of suicide lurking through your head, it's devastating considering your age. But you can get through it, you will. But in order to do that you have to love yourself, find any little thing you like about yourself and soon you'll gradually find more and more everyday. Once you find those things you won't care for what others think about you because you'll know your worth. Hope this helped a bit:)
  • 3 months ago

    RE: idk

    First of all, I have to say that you have a wrong purpose for your life, I am not saying that longing for friends are wrong but that is not what we live for, at least that is not what we were created for.
    Since you mention your agnostic belief I can see why you are experiencing this hopelessness. I can definitely recommend you to see a specialist, and it might help, but more than that, I recommend you based on my own experience, that you should start looking for the real purpose of life, which can be found in the Bible. Sincerely,

    -LLM
  • 3 months ago

    RE: idk

    First of all, I have to say that you have a wrong purpose for your life, I am not saying that longing for friends is wrong but that is not what we live for, at least that is not what we were created for.
    Since you mention your agnostic belief I can see why you are experiencing this hopelessness. I can definitely recommend you to see a specialist, and it might help, but more than that, I recommend you based on my own experience, that you should start looking for the real purpose of life, which can be found in the Bible. Sincerely,

    -LLM
  • 3 months ago

    RE: idk

    Hi,
    if someone feels proud about their look..ask whose credit is that..there are lots of successful ..happy people around (even in show business) who are not so good looking...so don't bother much about it...focus on your study....that is your job at present....wish you all the very best my friend....
  • 1 month ago

    RE: idk

    Hello. My name is lealeah.

    I am not sure what it is I can say to you except my heart goes out to you. It is no fun feeling alone or being alone.

    Not having any friends is a horrible feeling. No matter what. You are perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling.

    Depression, for any reason makes people feel the way you feel. You are reaching out and that is good. That is a big step. Give yourself a pat on the back.

    I would advise you to speak with a female counselor. Maybe get into a group. County Mental Health facilities have excellent group classes. These will be people with similar issues. It is a great place to talk, meet other women, and learn.

    Ending it is not the answer. Not because of religion, or after life or wrong or right. You are young. Give yourself a chance. Set small goals. Accomplish them. Feel good about it. Start feeling good about yourself. Everything counts when depression sets in. Getting out of bed counts. Check it off your list. Get dressed. Brush your teeth. These are goals you can write for yourself and when you check them off, you have accomplished that. It is a way of building yourself up. You have to start somewhere. Also, try to do one thing every day for you. Just one tiny thing. Look in the mirror and tell yourself something you like about you. Give yourself a compliment. Do 5 sit ups. Sing a line to a song. Look up one joke online and laugh out loud by yourself. Color a picture. Do something for yourself.

    They say journaling is supposed to be quite helpful. You just never know unless you try something. Right? And repeating something is the best way to get used to saying something. And saying something is the path to believing it. You are what you think. So no "stinkin' thinkin'".

    I'm here if you need me.

    Sincerely,
    Lealeah
  • 1 month ago

    RE: idk

    Hi there. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I wish I could give you a hug through the screen.

    Here [https://wb.md/2OTU4XP] is a list of crisis resources, hotlines, and web sites that may be of help if you are having thoughts of physically harming yourself or someone else. If you think you need immediate help and cannot speak to a family member, or a medical professional, please reach out to one of these organizations or dial 911 immediately.

    Most importantly, please know that we are here for you, even if it's just to listen.