• 25 days ago

    Is it bi polar or borderline personality disorder?

    I have been on so many meds since I was 19. Some promising ones insurance won’t pay for. I have decided to try and fight again and go back to therapy (my general practitioner has been prescribing what my old psychiatrist did in Chicago). I have been researching borderline personality disorder and find it resonates with my past. I am alone with the exception of my godmother who is aging and death is a major trigger for me to totally go into a tailspin. I don’t want to live like this anymore but am afraid nothing will work. I’m not suicidal, I have my dogs that are everything to me as well as my Godmother but I feel so alone. I don’t want to get close to ppl as I am wrecked when they leave, and they always leave. Can anyone relate? It’s easier for me to open myself up via this medium.


  • 23 days ago

    RE: Is it bi polar or borderline personality disorder?

    Hi Addisonj

    Before I forget, you said there were some promising medications that your insurance won't pay for - there are 2 things you can do, 1) you can ask your prescribing doctor to submit "and exception" to your insurance company. The 2nd thing you can do is contact https://www.pparx.org/ it is an organization who, if you qualify, will provide you with free or reduced cost meds. You could also contact the manufacture of the meds in question and ask if they have a med assistance program (likely they do) and ask them to see if you qualify. They base it on your income and if you have insurance, though sometimes even if you have insurance but they dont' pay, they may still cover you. So I could contact them ASAP

    Re diagnosing yourself - you can't. Psychiatrists train and practice for years to diagnose mental illnesses and it's much more difficult than some may thing. I'm sure that if we looked at many different mental illnesses and personality disorders, all of us would fit to some degree in many of them. So I wouldn't try diagnosing yourself and see someone who is trained in that area, i.e. a Psychiatrist.

    I understand what you are saying when you said that you don't want to live like this anymore but are afraid that nothing will work. You know, you will never know what will work until you try! You may have to try several things before finding the right fit for you, but you can't give up! What if you give up just before you find what helps you? You can never know!

    You don't have to live life the way you are if it doesn't make you happy! I don't know exactly for you, but generally a combination of medication and therapy is key to improving our mental/emotional health. The key is finding the right med(s) and finding the right therapist, i.e. someone you like, connect with, and can grow to trust and a therapist who knows what he/she is doing. You have to go all in and do the work needed in therapy, which is much harder than just taking a pill. Meds can't make the mental, emotional, behavioral changes that need to be made that therapy can assist with.

    I can relate to a degree about not wanting to get close to people for fear of them leaving and the heartbreak involved; but I'm learning that people come and go, and yes, it can be heartbreaking, but I have survived every time I have lost a person - every time - and you have too! It was painful, but you survived, right? That saying really is true that says, "It's better to love and lost than to never have loved at all." I used to raise my fist up to that saying because certainly they had NO idea what they were talking about; but it turned out that I was the one who didn't know what I was talking about! It truly IS better to love and lost than to never have loved at all!

    It's a very rewarding thing to learn to give of ourselves to other people rather than always wanting or expecting them to meet our needs, you know? It's very healing - even just one act of selflessness and kindness to another person provides just enough time to forget about our own depression or pain to feel good inside if even just for a moment. Keep doing it and the joy lasts longer!

    I know it's hard and you feel hopeless at times, but I have a saying that says, "When I'm afraid, the voice of hope whispers inside and tells me that everything will be Ok because hope is not frightened by fear."

    Keep working on you and don't let the voices in your head or the ones outside tell you that there's no hope and that things won't get better because there IS hope and you CAN get better! Get yourself a good therapist and go to work! That work will pay off, and don't forget to contact the organization for free meds!

    Hang in there