• 5 days ago

    Depression?

    Hi everyone,
    I’m 19 years old and was doing pretty well until approximately 2 months ago. On the 1st of February I had a massive panic attack and it left me with a weird sensation that has never left me since. I feel like nothing makes sense anymore. And I mean nothing. I feel like I don’t love my family anymore, or my friends. I had to go back home from university even though I really loved it. All my dreams, my goal, the things I wanted to do don’t mean anything anymore. I don’t see why people go to work, go to parties, how they can have fun. Life’s become so flat and bleak I can’t physically feel trapped. I feel like I’m not myself anymore. All my memories feel distorted, as if I wasn’t myself. All the things I did and learnt and cared about are completely gone. They’re like sand. Both good and bad things. I’m not afraid of walking alone at night anymore, I don’t care if someone attacks me. Sometimes I wish someone killed me. All my values, my interests, my faith, everything just disappeared. I tried everything. I went to a psychiatrist and am currently taking some pills. But they don’t seem to be working that much. It’s been almost 5 months now and everyday going by I feel that my detachment increases. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t read, I can’t watch movies, I can’t study. I’ve become the ghost of myself. I feel absolutely nothing, just this void. I’m so jealous of my friends that can go on with their life while I’m stuck in this bubble. I feel like I don’t know how to live anymore and I can’t imagine feeling any other way in the future. My doctor said all of this is part of the illness but if feels just too much, how can it be just part of the illness? Can someone relate to these particular feelings?

Responses

  • 5 days ago

    RE: Depression?

    5 months, not 2
  • 4 days ago

    RE: Depression?

    What happened to you between Christmas break and February? There is something that happened that brought stress, doubt, and feelings of worthlessness. What is it that made you start doubting yourself?
  • 3 days ago

    RE: Depression?

    Nothing! I studied for exams but wasn’t stressed at all, and I passed them all with great marks. The problem is I don’t feel worthlessness. I love my life, I’m objectively happy about it and about the person that I was. I just feel that I don’t perceive it anymore. I know how I should be feeling but I just don’t and it’s driving me insane.