Responses

  • 4 months ago

    RE: depression caused by addict

    To internalize guilt for the actions of someone else not under your direct control causing depression is you responding to a situation you can't control by coping in a way you have learned. Your life has taught you when bad things outside yourself happen, you take on guilt and feel sad for the actions of others. This reduces your power to cope and indeed take action for positive changes in your life. Al- Anon or other families of addiction care groups will teach you boundaries and show you methods to distinguish what is in your control from those things only the other person can choose to action. Goggle your local AA group and they will direct you to a family of addicts support group. If your depression is causing you to lose functionality of your own life, you mat with to contact an in-person or on-line therapist to help you through this period and teach you ways not only to help yourself but appropriate ways to help you mother.
  • 4 months ago

    RE: depression caused by addict

    I’m a huge fan of support groups like “Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA)” or Al-Anon. They are free, available all over the world, and have online/telephone meetings. Great ways to get support when family addiction makes your life miserable.
  • 10 days ago

    RE: depression caused by addict

    I'm so sorry. You are certainly not alone in this. Addiction takes a toll on the entire family, causing pain, isolation, and unhealthy coping behaviors like codependency and enabling.

    If you're suffering from the effects of your mother's addiction, it's important for you to seek help. If your mom is open to getting treatment, many rehab centers offer family counseling as a part of each client's treatment program, which could be very helpful for both you and your mom. You could also look into individual counseling sessions and/or join a support group like Al-Anon.

    This blog post provides a lot of great information on how addiction affects families and what you can do to get help: https://novarecoverycenter.com/treatment/benefits-family-therapy-addiction-treatment/

    Best of luck to you!
      • 8 days ago
        thanks for everyone's response. she overdosed and was 2 mins from dying. she went to a metal hospital for 2 weeks because she meant to overdose and die none of the family wants to take her in and she's living in a shelter.
      • 7 days ago
        awwwwwwwwwwww how sad, and Im sorry! This may sound cold, but maybe this is rock bottom for her and it will wake her up to push her to getting her life back and seriously getting treatment! I

        I hope that no matter where she is living, that she will desire to get help and be serious about it! There IS help for her, but the big key to it lies in her heart, i.e. seeing she needs the help, wanting it, accepting it, and doing whatever it takes to get her life in order! No one can do it for her.

        Best wishes

        Debbie
      • 7 days ago
        thanks Debbie just got news she left the shelter in Laredo and went with a random lady to Mexico ....I can't deal with the heartache anymore I've done all I can from rehab to everything . she dosnt want to live ;((((
      • 7 days ago
        I'm sorry, Swag89 - and you are right, there is nothing more that you can do until or unless SHE decides that she really wants help! I know that it's hard and you feel helpless; but you may as well be hitting yourself up against a brick wall when it comes to someone who doesn't want help or doesn't think they need help.

        For your own mental and emotional health, at this point it's just best to let her go. One of these days she may decide that she wants to get her life together, but until that happens, you can do her no good. If she comes to you at some point down the road and asks you for this or that, I wouldn't accommodate her unless she has decided to work on getting herself well - even then, I would be careful. I definitely wouldn't let her move in with you, as much as that could be difficult (if it came to that) - Those of us who care forget that sometimes caring means saying, "No," and not helping them when it appears they need it. We have to be wise to know the difference between real help and enabling or helping to relieve us of our own guilt as opposed to truly doing it for THEM. Sometimes helping does nothing more than disable that person even more! My mom is a perfect example of that. She does everything for her husband in part because she feels sorry for him and in part because certain things get done better or faster when she does it. Then she will say something to me like, "I get so mad when J messes up the kitchen counter (or whatever) and never cleans it up." She says this as she's cleaning his mess. I look at her and say, "Mom, he doesn't clean up his messes because he doesn't have to - YOU are doing it for him and he knows you always will! You have taught him how to treat you!" Then the next day I hear something else, "I don't understand how anyone could be so irresponsible!" Again, I look at her and say, "Mom, he's irresponsible because he doesn't have to be responsible! You do everything for him, and he knows it! " I tell her that she could turn it around by not doing everything for him, but she won't. She is so emotionally attached that the thought of not enabling him is terrifying to her. Enabling him is her identity, and so if he is no longer there, then who is she (according to her)?

        I don't know why I threw that in, but there you have it. lol

        Take care of you!

        Debbie
      • 7 days ago
        she keeps asking me for money for food saying she's homeless but I know it's for the heroine and i feel so guilty if I don't give it to her but at the same time it's killing her thx for all the support Debbie
      • 7 days ago
        I know it's hard. you can tell her where she can get food at the nearest food banks, and that she can get other help by going to treatment. It's hard, but its for her good. TO do otherwise would be just so that YOU feel better, i.e. not guilty, etc. you know?

        Hang in there
        Debbie