• 2 months ago

    High-functioning depression

    I'm a 39-yr old professional woman who is married with two young children. Two years ago, I started having panic attacks. I started therapy to help manage them, but also recognized I needed to address the big issue in my life, that I'm unhappy in my marriage. I have been for a while (for different reasons), but was always too afraid to say anything and hurt my husband. But, two years ago, I told him I want a divorce, but haven't left (we've done counseling twice). Each time I try, he tells me how selfish and evil I am, I'm a bad mother, I never loved him, he accuses my friends of influencing me (even though they have no idea what's going on). Lots of emotional blackmail that paralyzes me with guilt. Increasingly, I feel trapped. I avoid social activities, I don't engage as much with my kids to not be around him, I've become less caring towards him, which makes me feel worse. I'm always on edge. But, I push myself to do everything that needs to get done at work and home, with a painted on smile and an "I'm fine" attitude. The more I learn about high-functioning depression, the more I see myself. And, it's scary, because I feel myself sinking more, and I don't know how to shake it. I feel like, yes, if I found the courage to move forward with my divorce, I'd have the emotional strength for everything else. But, as long as I care more about his feelings than mine, I'll be stuck here. So, how so I shake the growing depression?

Responses

  • 2 months ago

    RE: High-functioning depression

    I think that the best thing you can do for yourself is to go back to therapy for yourself. I may not have helped you before (I don't know) but if it didn't, then maybe you were just seeing the wrong therapist for you, you know? Or maybe you weren't doing the work needed. I don't know. But what I do know is that the combination of a good therapist and the willing heart of a client, you can overcome anything!

    You need help, so go to a specialist who is trained to offer you the kind of help you need, yes? :)

    Take care of you

    Debbie
  • 2 months ago

    RE: High-functioning depression

    Wow! Please start seeing your therapist. This is a lot to contend with.
  • 2 months ago

    RE: High-functioning depression

    Thank you. I've made an appt. to go back to my therapist. I'd honestly stopped going because I thought she'd gotten tired of listening to me say the same things repeatedly-I'm not happy, I'm ready to leave, I'm afraid... That time could be better spent with someone who is moving forward. But, I'm going back-paralyzed and depressed, but willing and open.
      • 2 months ago
        Good for you for making an appointment to see your therapist!

        I just re-read your original post and want to reiterate what I already said, i.e. that if you are willing to really dig in and look at your issues (not your husbands), then if your therapist is also good at working with you on those issues, you will begin to find hope, peace, and happiness in your life in spite of your husband.

        Our joy, happiness, peace, sense of purpose, etc., are not dependent or determined by anyone, but has to come from within regardless of outward circumstances. When I would talk with my then therapist about situations that may include other people and my conversation about it focused on that person(s), without exception, she would always ask me to tell her about the situation without talking about the other person's behavior other than the initial telling her what happened. Her point being that my reaction is ALWAYS about me, and therefore, what I need to work on - the person involved in the situation - their behavior, is about THEM; therefore, not mine to try to work on or fix. If I do that, I'm just avoiding my own issues involved.

        This is why I said above to look into YOUR issues in your life and reactions to them, not your husbands - those are his.

        One more thing :) You said that you stopped seeing your therapist because you thought she was tired of listening to you talk about the same thing over and over. First of all, every therapist listens to the same thing over and over because it oftentimes takes far more than one time to talk about something to be able to work through it. Heck, I've had things that I would come back to off and on for 5 or more years before I finally "got it" and was able to move on from that thing. lol Never once did I feel she was tired of listening to me. That is their job - not to just listen, but to listen, repeatedly if needed, and then to guide you and teach you and give you tools so you can grow and move on from that topic - sometimes having to revisit it if needed.

        But, because you did feel she tired of listening to you, maybe you could tell her that your first or 2nd session so that you can hear from her own lips that she is or was not tired of listening to you. Maybe that will be all the reassurance you will need, eh? :)

        Again, I'm happy for you that you chose to go back to therapy! Go there ready and wanting to do the work - be honest with yourself and with your therapist. I know sometimes that's not easy, but it's definitely healing!

        You Rock!

        Debbie