• 4 months ago

    What’s wrong with me?

    The simplest things get me worked up that other people wouldn’t think twice about; I’ve often wondered if I have social anxiety or mild autism.

    I am often at the verge of tears when I have to make a phone call…and I’m not talking about important phone calls (although I do get worked up at these too) I mean simple phone calls to people in my extended family, friends I might not talk to very often or my manager at work…close family and friends do not bother me. I usually have to write down what I need to say and I have it in front of me or I will start stuttering on the phone.

    I struggle to make eye contact with people, even with my own mother…I do try to make an effort to make eye contact with people, but it’s really uncomfortable and my eyes are always darting about.

    Today I was in the supermarket and I wanted to by a 24 pack of cans, I went to put them in my basket and employee asked me I wanted him to leave it at a till for me, I said “yes please” and continued with my shopping. When I went to pay the cans were not on any of the tills, so I just went to grab another one instead, but that same employee was still near the display; I didn’t want to grab another one and I didn’t want to ask him about them. I don’t know why, and I know that if I had been with a friend or my mum they wouldn’t have hesitated to ask for me.

    Instead I just grabbed a 6 pack of a different drink, paid and left quickly, hoping that employee wouldn’t see me leaving without them as I would have felt even more awkward and embarrassed (It wasn’t busy and I wasn’t exactly dressed inconspicuously, in my bright green hoodie and purple cap). I got in the car and just started crying…It wasn’t a case of “I didn’t get the drink I wanted so now I’m upset” it was more like “What the *** is wrong with me?”

Responses

  • 4 months ago

    RE: What’s wrong with me?

    Hey there
    You sound like how I used to be. I'd have those same types of scenarios where I would be scared out of my mindddd and so very awkward.
    I was always overwhelmed and anxious.
    I know now that most of it was due to always needing to please some else. I would think about others feelings and thoughts more than my own!
    To survive in this world you can't do that. Yes it sounds harsh and mean but it's tough love. You have to do things for yourself. You can't worry about how someone's going to react or feel because of your actions. Yes don't punch someone in the face because they didn't say something nice to you.. that's hurtful and just plain horrible. But if you want that 24 pack of cans you go up to the employee and ask them where they put them. It's their job to help you. They are getting paid to do that. Don't feel bad about it. And if they seem mad or irritated that they have to help you well it's on them. They should find another job.
    In this world you should be nice and kind, to an extent. Yes, help the old lady cross the road. But you don't need to walk her all the way to her house and onto her sofa. That's not your job. Don't feel bad about things when it's not your fault or responsibility.
    I used to look back at a lot of times, even as recent as the day before something would happen, and think "oh wow I was so awkward. Why did I say that?? I should have said this instead!" And just be really upset with myself. You have to learn to not overthink things. It's not easy to do! But that's the only way to be happy. You can't overanalyze every situation.
    It won't get you anywhere. Whatever your first instinct is act on it.
    Most people are in their own heads and honestly aren't really thinking too much into how other people are acting.
    I used to be like that around my mother too! I realized it was mostly because I had lots of things built up and never thought their was a good time to share them. I wish I did!! There's never a good or bad time to talk to your mom about something. I can be the most random thing. Maybe something upsetting you, maybe something you tried different for breakfast. They don't care! As long as you are talking to them. Most people are actually like that. Random conversation is the best.

    I rattled on quite a bit! I hope I helped? I hope you know first of all THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! Seriously. There isn't. If anything you are most likely just a kind, caring, genuine person. Which is awesome.
    Just don't let that be something that gets you down and doesn't get you moving forward. Know when to say what's on your mind. I'm sure no one is going to be offended, upset or feel awkward around you because they know you are a nice person.
  • RE: What’s wrong with me?

    Hey, bethan93-
    Thanks for writing. I can't diagnose you through a posting like this, but it certainly seems like you have some of the same traits as people with social anxiety disorder. One of the ways to begin figuring that out is: do you worry about the critical eye of others? Are you afraid that if you say something, ask something, do something in public, that others will criticize you or think that you are weird or odd? Or do you just feel like you can't speak up properly like others do, and so you shy away? All those are signs of social anxiety. Here is a big key – if you want to get stronger regarding social anxiety, then you need to be willing to start feeling embarrassed. Maybe even humiliated or ashamed. Not that you should literally do something dramatic that would make anyone feel ashamed; not that. But, for instance, regarding the example you gave at the store – if you want to work on getting stronger, then your job would be to step forward and grab that case of 24 while that employee was possibly observing you, and allow yourself to feel embarrassed. Yes, you have to do the actions that you are avoiding. But consider that you are doing the actions in order to learn to support yourself when you are having those feelings of embarrassment, whether you are anticipating the event, in the middle of the event, or after the event.

    You probably know this already, but let me say it anyway: if you WAIT until you feel safe, comfortable, or certain about how these interactions are going to turn out, you will be waiting forever. Go toward what scares you! You deserve to feel included.
      • 4 months ago
        I like what the dr above said to you - get therapy and ask about cognitive therapy. I was sexually molested and had rejection/acceptance issues so I grew up being a walk-over and then I went to therapy (over 10 years - even now) and learnt that there is always an opposite thought of what you are actually thinking so try doing the scariest - once...twice...I tell you as time goes on you will be able to blow your own horn - I still battle a little because its an underlying weakness but I have learnt that our mind can be our worst enemy when it comes to healing or overcoming our fears - don't listen to your mind more - listen to your heart more - what it wants and what you really want to say - just go ahead and say it - when I first started healing - I felt like I always had to explain myself so that people don't get the wrong idea but with people - its isn't easy to control what they think about you - laugh at yourself a little sometimes - you may not change completely but people pleasing can be healed. Do you go to church?do you know that the devil is responsible for sending all these negative whispers and that's why you end up being tearful because the enemy causes you to judge and constantly criticize yourself and that's wrong. You are you and accept that change is possible and you will see its possible to have better and intimate relationships with people whereby you can say whatever is on your mind and not worry if you could have said it better or like so and so. Accept that its a problem and always know that Christian or not - whether you follow the psychological way of healing or church - its possible to get better even if its not completely - I have a small circle of friends and one friend I can confide in - I don't judge myself - I know I am not an OUTGOING individual but I have learnt to stop comparing myself to others and girlfriend - if writing a conversation down is what helps you - then its ok - I also battle with my words sometimes if I have to explain something so I always say - im not good at voicing out but im good at typing how I feel - of course you cannot type all the time but just get help you are not alone and never hesitate to update us and thanks for your post.
  • 4 months ago

    RE: What’s wrong with me?

    Have you spoken to your family about your situation? A therapist should be seen. You are not the only one who feels that way. We all have issues to deal with in life. Do not be afraid. You are special and unique in your own way.