• 8 days ago

    Lost, Broken and Confused

    I’m constantly finding myself in a state of depression and I don’t know how to help myself. I have a counselor but we’re mainly going over how to get me out of my house easily and safely and dealing with my family and I need some help. I’m trapped in this hole and I don’t know how to get out and it’s eating me alive

Responses

  • 7 days ago

    RE: Lost, Broken and Confused

    Please remind yourself that every day is a victory. Every day that you talk with your counselor is really important and a big deal. The fact that you are working with a counselor is a great sign that you are putting in the effort to get better. I need help too. The fact that we have reached out and posted on this support group is a big step! We should be proud of ourselves. I'm really proud of you.
      • 7 days ago
        Thank you so much!! This is very helpful. I’ll definitely try to look on the more positive side for myself than only for others. I’m proud of you too!
  • 6 days ago

    RE: Lost, Broken and Confused

    I love the words from hads_08 ... every day is a victory. Such a great sentiment to read. Thanks.
      • 6 days ago
        hand_08 did not mean that.
      • 6 days ago
        Thinking of too much victory can lead you lose. Getting rid of two is not victory. Just be ready to lose something again.
      • 5 days ago
        Gotcha Healthy balance it is. Thanks!
  • 6 days ago

    RE: Lost, Broken and Confused

    "I'm trapped in this hole and I don't know how to get out and it's eating me alive."

    You may not know exactly how to get out, but you do know enough that you have sought out the help of a counselor who DOES know how to help get you out! :)

    I know that things don't always progress as fast as we'd like them to sometimes, but the key is that you ARE making progress every time you get out of bed and work with your counselor about this! That's huge! Keep up even the baby steps and in time, you will be able to look back and see how far you've gone! Wooooo hoooo!

    In the meantime, be gentle with yourself! Allow yourself to not be perfect at this and praise yourself for each step you take!

    You will get there! You have one of the big keys to victory already, which is the fact that you do not like where you are in your life, and that will help spur you on to fight your way out!

    Good for you! Keep it up! :)

    Debbie
      • 6 days ago
        This is so encouraging!!! Thank you!!! I explained to my counselor today that I am too deep into my depression and I’d like her to help me get out so she’s going to research how to help me. She’s nervous that the first step might be me finally leaving my house but I think the positivity you are sharing is the first step for me. I’m not too positive with myself, I’m almost scared to be. But the encouragement you have shared is definitely helpful, so again thank you Debbie!!!
      • 5 days ago
        Awwww, I am so happy to hear that! Sometimes hearing an encouraging word or two is all we may need at the time to give us the strength to take that next step we've been having a hard time making! I can fully appreciate that!

        I think that is part of why we can't do this thing called life by ourselves, and especially those of us with the added weight of mental/emotional difficulties! Good for you for reaching out!

        One thing that came to mind when you said what your counselor has in mind of what she thinks might be the first step for you (leaving your house) is to never forget your own voice in your work with your counselor, and also remember that your first step will be taken when you are ready, and not before!

        You are a person who has feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions about everything you will talk about with your counselor, and it's important that you share those with her when needed so as not to deny who you are in the process. Therapy/counseling is a conversation - it's you, as the client, participating in every part of your treatment because it's YOUR session!

        A healthy dose of respect for your counselor's wisdom is very important, but not to the exclusion of your own voice, input, thoughts, beliefs, etc.

        My former therapist was very wise and discerning and no doubt well-trained in her profession. I learned that very early on in my work with her, and so as a result, I came to trust that she knew what she was talking about and I didn't need to (or want to) be combative with her. Sometimes I didn't agree with her, but many times that was because she hit on a nerve and I didn't want to hear what she had to say; so my natural reaction was to "fight" her on it. She actually liked those times I fought her because she knew that I was thinking - that I valued my own voice, even if/when it was in error - and that I wasn't just "yes maaming" her to make her happy.

        We always worked through my resistance at the time and sometimes I heard her that session, but other times it took years (of off and on talk about it)! lol I could be stubborn when I wanted to, oftentimes because I didn't like what she had to say because she was right! lol

        I had a Psychiatrist years ago who wanted me to try a particular medication that I had previously become somewhat paranoid about. When she wanted to try it, I told her that I wouldn't (respectfully). I told her I wasn't saying that as an act of non-compliance, but that I was afraid to take that med (justified or not). I said I would only take it (hesitantly) if it were a matter of life and death. She completely respected my concerns. She asked me why I felt as such and tried to medically explain just in case my fears were based on wrong information; but beyond that, she never tried to convince me otherwise. Had I not said anything, it would have been disastrous for me in several ways.

        Keep up the work and it will pay off - trust me!

        Debbie
      • 5 days ago
        Will do!! I’m definitely the skiddish type when it comes to using my own voice, years of parental abuse and bullying taught me to agree with everything and simply nod. So it is very helpful to hear you encourage me to use my own voice. It’s definitely gonna take time and effort but I’ll do my best!! I’m so glad you used your voice and protected yourself :) that’s wonderful! I’ll keep all of this in mind as I work on myself. Thanks again Debbie!!!
      • 4 days ago
        Good for you!

        Try to not be hard on yourself when things don't go as fast as you would like or that you continue to have a hard time sharing your voice with your counselor - like you said, it will take time! Just like with any relationship, you don't start off being able to open up with that person or trusting them - but it's learned. The more you know the person, the more you feel safe to open up - this includes your counselor. In fact, it's usually easier to do so with your counselor - in time - because if you have a good therapist, you're not going to experience the same kinds of judgement you might with people outside of that safe place of therapy.

        Take care and learn to be your own best advocate! :)

        Debbie
      • 4 days ago
        I am glad you having therapist for your issue. You better take times rather than be more hurry. Because a simple mistake can be caused for life time issues. Be aware of the person you really fall into. :)
      • 4 days ago
        So far my understanding by reading you, you have less patience, have a lot anger, competitive. This is about your life for future. I recommend you take your full family with you for next counseling. Dont know what is going on in your family. But always remember clapping never happened by one hand, it needs two hand for one or thousand clap. Meaning, whichever happens between you and your husband you both are responsible for each issues. Try to look up you site problematic areas as well. Long time relationship must have real love. Please next time take your husband for the counseling. It is better let him know everything you secret and talk with him more openly. Rather then pay attention to the others , you better fix the issues with your own husband which will be worthy :)
      • 4 days ago
        Will do!! Trust does take time but I’m willing to be patient if it means I’ll get better. Thank you for all of the advice!!! I really appreciate it all!!
      • 4 days ago
        Thank you for the insight!! I’ll do my best :)
      • 4 days ago
        Oof, I’d love to take my family with me but unfortunately I am not able to for various reasons. Also 17, so no husband problems lol. But some things you mentioned are very helpful and I appreciate the advice!! Thanks!
      • 4 days ago
        I thought you 50 over :)
      • 2 days ago
        Oof no, but it’s all good!
      • 2 days ago
        What a silly woman!
  • 3 days ago

    RE: Lost, Broken and Confused

    I know exactly how you feel. Everytime I go down, it gets harder and harder to get up. I have ruined one marriage and am about to ruin another. I can't/won't do this anymore. I have prayed and prayed. I have talked to counselors , I have tried drugs, I wish I had the guts/strength to disappear. I only hurt those I love. I just want to stop!

    I am so glad you are doing better, I wish you much success and more important than that, happiness!! Happy Holidays!
      • 3 days ago
        "I only hurt those I love" just says that over the years of your life, you didn't learn healthy relationship skills - which probably started at home where you grew up. I say, "just" because just because you didn't learn up to this point doesn't mean you can't! I know from experience because I didn't learn either. I had a foundation of parents who were socially and emotionally disabled - and they are who I learned from, causing me to be dysfunctional in that area too. But through years of hard work in therapy, I have come a long way! I still have a long way to go, but my point is that just like I was not doomed to have to live a life based on the unhealthy examples I followed, neither are you! You just need someone who can teach you! I'm sure there are patterns that you repeat in relationships that always end up with the same result that you may not even be aware of, and those are the kinds of things you can unveil and work on in therapy! Why do people go to therapy anyway? We all have different specifics, but everyone goes to therapy because they want/need change. If relationships are one thing in your life that you want to change, then if you saw a therapist, that would be one thing you all would focus on to effect change. If you've been trying other avenues to fix that area of your life and it hasn't been successful, then try something else. I am a huge believer in therapy - short or long term, whatever the individual needs - and I don't believe that therapy is just or primarily for people with mental illness. Therapy is for anyone who is stuck in one or more areas of their lives and is not able to make changes, heal, get past, grow on their own. There's nothing wrong with seeing a professional who is trained to help people who need some guidance, support, training, healing, etc. In fact, it's a way one can take care of themselves!

        I'm glad that you don't have the guts/strength to disappear. In my opinion, I think it takes more guts and strength to stick around and fight to make those changes in your life that will ultimately bring you joy and meaning to your life!

        There IS hope!

        Debbie
      • 3 days ago
        Since you let go onez from that! You make sure you wont get back in Because you dont want same problematic loop. Wishing you all the best
      • 2 days ago
        I’m glad you and I are not alone in this then. But was it you that ruined it? Are you sure? Make sure you don’t blame yourself for something that isn’t your fault. I did that in a previous friendship and I regret it desperately. Just because something doesn’t work out doesn’t mean you should lose hope. Take time if you need it, to refine and heal and just learn about yourself. Sometimes God doesn’t answer right away or in the way you expect. It took around 15 years for my prayers to be answered, and the answer truly shocked me! But I know it’s the answer I’ve been searching for. I’m glad you’ve talked to counselors!! As the people above have pointed out in me, you are aware of the fact that you aren’t in your best state and need to get better, and that’s a praise worthy thing!! Absolutely no judgment but I will say drugs will harm more than help <3 I had the same wish for years, but it’s a good thing you haven’t!!! You are here for a reason! It may take time to find that reason but I have faith in you! Perhaps sometimes you do hurt people. But everyone makes mistakes and clearly you didn’t hurt them on purpose, that shows character!! Thank you for the kind words, and I wish you the same. I know your situation will get better too! Happy Holidays! <3
      • 2 days ago
        Let it go! Move on! Your life will be better with your own family! Dont ruin your marriage for other. Dont give up on your own family! You will be okay!
      • 2 days ago
        And the best option for moving on is block it. All the best
      • 2 days ago
        Always remember your family is your world! Each of your family members love is not comparable with anyone around the world! Home always sweet home!
      • 1 day ago
        Personally I wouldn’t agree. Not always anyway. Most families are like this I suppose, but some families aren’t and that’s okay. Our families lie elsewhere in close friends and significant others <3