• 19 days ago

    I need help

    I don’t know where to begin and I don’t know why I’m here. I’ve had anxiety since I was a little kid and depression since I was about 15. I’ve been on medications since 16. Tried to kill myself once. Failed. And haven’t thought about it since. Until now. I want to die. I don’t want to kill myself but I don’t want to be alive anymore. I’m just so empty and tired and in pain and nauseous and done. I started cutting 6 months ago...it’s helped me stop thinking about suicide but it’s all getting worse. I’m going back to counselling but...it’s like I’m embarrassed to talk about it face to face. I’ll be screaming inside to say something but can’t. I’m trapped and I don’t know if I even want to get out. That depends on the moment. So yeah...that’s my ramble. Sorry.

Responses

  • 19 days ago

    RE: I need help

    Hi THere,

    No need to be sorry for sharing here! I'm glad you did!

    I'm glad that you are going to therapy and I can understand how some of what is good for you to share can be embarrassing, but believe me, it's to your benefit and your therapist has undoubtedly heard much worse!

    Besides, most therapists are very compassionate and won't judge you for things you share with them. If yours does, then maybe it would be time to find someone else.

    Anyway, you will be amazed at how healing it can me to be able to share with someone what's on your heart! Something that I do is I write down what I want to share, and then when I see my therapist, I read it out loud to her - I also give her a copy so that she can read it with me. It helps.

    Give yourself some time to get to know and trust your therapist a bit more by sharing with her things less scary for you.

    My guess is that you don't want to continue to feel like you are right now, and therapy is a good way for healing and learning new skills at life! Choose to want to do whatever it takes to get better, and you will find yourself improving more than you know!

    There IS hope!

    I don't know if you are still taking meds, but it might be something to see a Psychiatrist for. The meds you were on may not have been the right ones for you, but that doesn't mean there aren't any that will work for you!

    Be willing to be vulnerable with your counselor/therapist - strive for health and healing each day, and you will find it!

    Hope
    Debbie