• 23 days ago

    Struggling with Lose of Happiness

    I recently lost my long time boyfriend. He broke up with me due to his depression. I am so shattered and broke. I just want to be happy again but I know my true happiness is with him. I was happy before we dated, but once we met my life was complete. He made me whole and happier than ever imagined. There is no going back now. He is all i want and i dont know how to fight for him because his depression is so bad and it makes me withdraw from me. I believe he still loves me but cant always express it or feel it due to the depression like feelings. I am lost. I need help. I have no motivation and randomly start crying when an overwhelming feeling takes over and I remember everything I've lost. We talked about a future together. I strongly believe if it wasnt for the depression we would be fine. But he doesnt want help. He wants to figure it out on his own. I am struggling and lost

Responses

  • 22 days ago

    RE: Struggling with Lose of Happiness

    Hi, I'm sorry for the break up of your boyfriend.

    When I read your post, the one big thing that concerns me is how you have defined your ability to be happy in him. True and lasting happiness can only come from within. When we start defining happiness outside ourselves, as you have with your ex-boyfriend, then what happens when that boyfriend (or anyone or anything else) is gone, then so goes your happiness.

    I hope that he will be seeking out treatment for his depression so that he can get control over it; otherwise, he will likely just get worse. Being with someone with severe depression is not easy, and if you're not equipped to do the tough love thing to help him move in the direction of getting help and keep yourself emotionally strong, then it will do neither of you any good staying together. He needs professional help, but if he's not willing to get it, then there's nothing you can do to help him. He has to be the one to take the steps.

    You are going to be fine. It's normal that you are in pain right now after the break-up; but you will eventually start to feel better. People date, oftentimes several times before finding the one for them, and every time they break up, it's painful - but they get over it. For those who may not be able to get over it, they should find a therapist who can help them because it's not healthy to stay in that mode of not being able to let go.

    Hang in there, and know that the best way that you can help your ex-boyfriend (if he lets you) is to help him find the kind of treatment he needs for depression. Forget about yourself and your relationship and have your one concern be that he get the professional help he needs, not whether or not you get back together. His mental health is far more important right now.

    Debbie