• 25 days ago

    Dealing with my husband’s depression

    I’m in search of any support or advice I can get. My husband was diagnosed with severe depression. The doctor prescribed him Lexapro which has been sending him on an emotional roller coaster and has him breaking out in hives. I no longer know the man I married. He does not come home and sleeps at his office. He says he needs his space. He blames me and says I speak horribly to him when all I do is cry and ask him to come home to his. I feel lonely and unloved. He has anger outbursts and screams at me and tells me it’s my fault for why he’s depressed. I know that anger is part of it and was curious if anyone else had experienced this with their partner. I cry myself to sleep at night - alone - and don’t know what to do to get my husband back.

Responses

  • 24 days ago

    RE: Dealing with my husband’s depression

    Hi, I'm so sorry for what you are going through!

    You mentioned that your husband is on Lexapro, but that it has been sending him on an emotional roller coaster and he's breaking out in hives. Does his doctor know this? How long has he been on that medication? It's pretty typical that it takes trying more than one medication before finding the one that works; but the doctor needs the help of the patient in this process. What I mean is that, in your case, your husband needs to let his doctor know how the med is making him feel both emotionally and physically so that either the doctor can take him off that one and try something else, or something else. My point being, if the doctor doesn't know, then the doctor can't help.

    So if your husband has not talked with his doctor about what the med is doing, I would suggest it to him. He may not know that it may take trying different meds before finding one that works.

    Another thing that even if he were to find a med that works, that alone isn't enough. He needs therapy so that he can figure out the root of his problems and work on them, and learn new ways of coping - healthy ways. There's so much that one can learn in therapy and aS long as one does the work involved, it can literally change ones life!

    You might also want to see a therapist briefly. Someone that you can share what is going in your home with your husband, and what is the best way for you to handle it in a way that is healthy for you and him. Also, just because he suffers depression does NOT mean that you have to put up with his verbal abuse! You can have compassion and understand where it's coming from, but you don't have to excuse it and say to yourself, "Oh, but he has a mental illness, he can't help it!" There are certain things that one with mental illness can't help, but verbally, physically, emotionally or otherwise abusing another human being is NOT one of them, and I wouldn't tolerate it! That is not being insensitive on you part, but loving. He has NO right to treat you in the way you describe and use "mental illness" as his excuse. We don't get to do that!

    So yeah, if I were you I"d seek professional guidance as to what you can do in your situation. You could probably do that in 1-3 sessions. Go with notes, scenarios, and questions so you can pack in as much as possible! Ask someone who is more likely to have healthier answers to what you need!

    I hope the best for you and your husband!

    Debbie