• 10 months ago

    Lost all hope

    have some stupid mistakes in my life and I
    am paying heavily for this Episode. #1
    october 29,2014 I had protected vaginal sex
    with a female csw.I also french kissed
    her.Later found the girl HIV +.After 5 weeks I
    experienced severe flue type illness.Swollen
    lymph nodes under jaw and neck,loose
    stool,hedeach,severe muscle and joint
    pain,rash on both arm. I have tested after 3
    months with 3rd generation rapid test,after 5
    months with 3rd generation elisa, after 6.5
    months with 3rd generation rapid test.All are
    negative.#Episode 2 November 17 2015 I
    was with a female csw..We were fully
    naked.The girl offered me to have
    unprotected sex with her.As far as I can
    recall I didn't penetrate the girl but my penis
    came close to her vagina.Now my mind says
    if I penetrated the girl without my knowing
    though I didn't feel anything. Episode 3# July
    16 2017 I had protected oral and protected
    vaginal sex with a female csw.Dont know
    why? Vaginal part only lasted 10-15
    seconds.The girl seemed a consistent
    condom user.No real symptom aftee 1-4
    weeks. Episode 4 # October 17 2017 I had
    protected vaginal sex with a csw.She offered
    me to have sex without a condom for extra
    charge.But she assured me she gets tested
    every month. Now you are thinking whats the
    real problemActually Im experiencing the
    symptom of overt aids.Lose of appetite,Loosing
    weight,fatigue, dizziness ,swollen lymph
    nodes,loose stool,stomach upset,nail
    fungus,clubbing nail and slight dementia are
    making my life hell. I
    dont know what to do? I cry and pray to
    God.Ive ruined my life.In my country HIV stigma is very deep and like a death sentence.


  • 10 months ago

    RE: Lost all hope

    Haven't you posted here before with exactly the same concerns and been told that you are HIV negative and need to put these concerns behind you or seek mental health therapy? Your posting sounds so familiar.

      • 10 months ago
        I haven't tested for 2nd,3rd and 4th exposure.My health is deteriorating.
      • 10 months ago
        What exposures. You didn't have sex with your second experience. You had PROTECTED oral and vaginal with your third and PROTECTED vaginal with the fourth.

      • 10 months ago
        Gail ,I can't deal with these symptoms anymore.I am losing my weight rapidly.Don't know what should I do.Gail,do you think this problem is psychological not virological.
      • 10 months ago
        I don't know what else you want me to say. I've already told you that your sexual contact was protected. Even if any of these partners were HIV positive the virus cannot cross an intact latex condom.
        You cannot seem to accept the fact that none of these encounters placed you at any risk for HIV transmission.
        There is nothing further I can do to help you.

      • 10 months ago
        Gail, I will definitely seek mental health therapy.

        Can anxiety cause low grade fever and wasting?
      • 10 months ago
        Of course. One becomes anxious; they can't eat as before; they lose weight. Stomach hurts. Nothing tastes good. Diarrhea or constipation can develop. All from stress over a disease one does not have. This is very common on this forum. We have lots of "Worried Wells" here (folks who think they are infected when they do not have the virus).

  • 9 months ago

    RE: Lost all hope

    Gail, I know 2nd and 3 rd event was risk free due to condom use and I hadn't experienced typical ARS.I was conclusively tested negative for first exposure.But I remain skeptical for 2nd event. We both were fully naked.The girl offered me to have unprotected sex but I refused to do so.Instead of having penetrated sex I choose the following activities like sucking boobs,fingering.Once her vagina came close to my penis.What I can recall I didn't penetrate her.But now my mind says if I penetrated her without my knowing.Is it really possible? .If I had penetrated her I would have know it surely? Gail , please help me.
      • 9 months ago
        Gail for the last time please reply...
      • 9 months ago
        I'm not sure what you want me to tell you.

        Of course you would have known if you had penetrated this woman.

        Why don't you consider getting tested again. NOT THAT YOU NEED TO FOR ANY CONCERNS ABOUT BEING POSITIVE (please understand this).

        But perhaps another negative test result will help you to finally put these concerns behind you.

        Would that help?

      • 9 months ago
        Thanks Gail .I am not getting tested of the fear of positive result? Is there any realistic chance of being positive?From the medical standpoint do I need to get tested?
      • 9 months ago
        From a medical viewpoint there is absolutely NO need for you to get tested.

        None of your events left you exposed.

        It is only for your psychological well being that I suggested a final test. Frankly, you need to get over this fear of a disease you do not have and get on with your life. Until you are convinced you are HIV negative it appears you cannot do this.

      • 9 months ago
        Gail, I have checked thyroid and diabetes .Everything is normal. I also got my CBC done.My wbc is 5800 and hemoglobin is 13.5. I don't know what is causing my symptoms.Can STD cause such symptoms?Do you think it's anxiety?
      • 9 months ago
      • 9 months ago
        google psychosomatic.. thats where ur symptoms are coming from
      • 9 months ago
        Gail,do you think everything is in my head?
      • 9 months ago
      • 9 months ago
        Gail is broken condom always visible?The 4th episode I had sex in the dark room.After ejaculation I couldn't check the condom carefully due to the darkness but when I remove the condom I didn't feel any breakage in hand.
      • 9 months ago
        If you remain concerned over these events, get tested.
      • 9 months ago
        Gail I am scared to get tested if my worst fear comes true.Last 2 days I am feeling numbness in my both hands.From mayo clinic I came to know that Hiv can cause such symptoms.What do you think?If I go for test what would be the outcome?Have you seen any patient personally like me?Gail my life is in danger.
      • 9 months ago
        I think talking to you has become hopeless. No matter how many times you are told that your sexual experiences left you at no risk you simply cannot accept this good news.

      • 7 months ago
        Gail, I can't walk and struggle to keep balance. I feel extreme fatigue. I always feel dizzy. Zero energy. Would you still think its due to anxiety?
      • 6 months ago
      • 3 months ago
        Gail,I am going crazy now. I am loosing weight rapidly. I feel extreme fatigue.I don't know what to do.