• 1 month ago

    Needing answers!

    Since I was a child I have struggled immensely with focus. School was horrible and because I didn't fit the cookie cutter way that the school system teaches I was always made to believe that there was something wrong with me. I was unmotivated, didn't try hard enough, didnt listen. I can't count how many report cards I received that had the comments at the bottom. Very sweet, funny and nice little girl who could do so well if she would just put her mind to it. I was tested at the recommendation of teachers when I was 8 but was never given a diagnosis of anything. Possible visual learning disorder. I has a special Educational Plan put in place but still didn't have anything substantial. I was reading and writing at a kindergarten level at the age of 8 but there was apparently nothing wrong with me. Since then no further testing was done. I continued to fail all throughout school and was just pushed through. I graduated with very little other than all level 3 classes and very poor self esteem. My parents and teachers just continued to explain that I would do so much better if I would only try harder. Although my experience in school was very negative, I did gain some valuable lessons from age 5-18. I learned compassion and understanding for others and gained appreciation to these who were kind and patient with me. I had a few unbelievable resource teachers throughout the years who seemed to be the only adults who really understood that It wasn't a matter of being lazy and unmotivated. There dedication to not giving up on teaching me sparked a passion in me. I decided after high school to go to college and take human services and early childhood education. I did better in college than I ever could have imagined doing graduating from ECE with honours. I now have been working in the childcare field for 10 years and love my job. Recently though I find myself struggling again. I am now working in a much larger room with about 45 kids and 6 coworkers. They will talk to me and although I respond, have no idea what they have just said. I very frequently loose and forget things. Forget what I am doing. My thoughts are all over the place and have not been able to complete anything before moving onto something new. I have never actually gotten a formal diagnosis but now more than ever I feel like it's time. I love my job and I am good at it but strive to be the best I can possibly be. I need more information! I need to understand what's going on with my brain! Until probably the last 5 years I thought living like this was just normal. That I really was just dumb. It has really just recently been that a light switch went off and I refuse to believe any longer that I am just unmotivated and lazy. Sorry for the length. Honestly dont even expect any response. Just needed to Wright this out and get it off my chest. Its heavy to carry around.


  • 29 days ago

    RE: Needing answers!

    I don't know how old you are, but I found that when I hit menopause, which happened a little early, it really screwed me up. I had been stumbling through adult life as an underachiever, and a disorganized employee, but I was getting by. When perimenopause hit I had a terrible time staying focused, and became even more emotionally volatile than ever. Fortunately I had a good therapist, and it was in a session with him that I was finally diagnosed with AD/HD, mainly inattentive type. Like you I was the child who was sweet and well behaved, but just not achieving to potential. I couldn't figure out how I could be both smart and dumb at the same time. If a class was interesting to me I aced it without trying. If a class wasn't interesting I barely passed. Anyway, having a therapist who understood AD/HD was really helpful (he has since retired), and learning more about AD/HD also helped (working in a public library made it really easy to find books on the subject). If you don't already have a therapist I suggest you seek one out. Also, is there any way you can move to a situation with fewer children? I suspect that many children, despite the coworkers, is too much for you. I know that as whatever situation I'm in becomes more and more hectic I become less and less able to focus effectively. I just become overwhelmed. I also started taking a small dose of Prozac, and that seemed to help. I tried the drugs recommended for AD/HD, but it turns out that amphetamine type drugs make me groggy, so I couldn't use those, but I do think they're worth trying. I hope all of this helps. I totally understand your struggles.
  • RE: Needing answers!

    Go to additudemag.com. EVERYTHING YOU COULD EVER NEED OR WANT TO KNOW. You will find resources for everything, honey, from self tests, to talking to your doc, to help finding medical pros in your area that are knowledgeable, to expert articles, podcasts, webinars and ebooks, written and created by such top adhd community names as Daniel G. Amen, Edward Hallowell, Sari Solden, etc. And if they don't have it on their site, they will certainly have a link to somewhere else that does. Also, try queensofdistraction.com. WONDERFUL site, geared directly toward us women with adhd. Good luck, darlin, and I hope like hell it helps you as it did me.
    Also, one more quick thing, there are a billion books, articles, studies, etc, but if you want to understand the ADHD brain and how it functions and ticks, read literally ANYTHING by Dr. Daniel G. Amen. The man is a brain GENIUS, honey, trust me.
    Good luck and happy information hunting, my dear!!!