• 2 months ago

    For anyone: adult, teen, or child, who just needs some comfort.

    If you're reading this and you have ADHD, I'm sorry for the long speech. I always skip around if I have a lengthy read ahead of me, and you all probably aren't much different. I tried to space it out a bit, and reading it myself, the space helped a little bit. :D


    I was diagnosed with severe ADHD at 5 years old. My mother always believed it was some type of "stigma" and wouldn't tell any of my teachers when I was a kid. She just recognized it once every three months, when it was time to buy the medicine. When I was in kindergarten, I got my first prescription of Concerta. I took it every day. No breaks, no holidays. Looking back, I was a unhealthily skinny kid. I was at least fifteen to twenty pounds underweight, and I had been nicknamed "Zombie" because of the zoned-out manner my dosage of Concerta gave me.

    Back to the topic, my mother didn't research ADHD enough, or didn't care enough, to learn that children and teens with ADHD are far different than normal teens and kids. When I was in eighth grade, I stopped taking my medication because at school, people were constantly asking me if I was okay, or if I was depressed. When I came home from school, I had to force myself to act happy and excited in order to please my parents, who would get angry with me if I continued with the "zombie" manner.

    It exhausted me, so I quit my meds. Immediately, I started to gain weight. People began to tell me I looked healthier, with a little "meat on my bones". It made me happy. Like a true ADHD kid, I'd rather fit in at school and please my family than care about my own self-being and grades. Grades were a big deal. All over the Web, you hear about these kids and teens with ADHD flunking school. Not me. My parents emphasized the "meds will fix everything" stigma, and ignored me mentally.

    When kids with ADHD reach their teenage years, ADHD will fluctuate their emotions. In other words, teen without ADHD's emotions = much less than teen with ADHD's emotions. "If you take your medicine, you'll get good grades." "If you don't take your medicine, you'll essentially fail out of high school and never amount to anything." Exact words. The first time I got a B in eighth grade (conveniently soon after I had quit my medication, in fact) I cried for an hour, too afraid to even talk to my parents about my situation. I've been longing to talk to them. Longing for them to even understand the strenuous experience I'm going through.

    When I was diagnosed, it made my mother just want to make me look so smart that it never crossed anyone's minds that I even had ADHD. She had my school allow me to skip my first grade year. I had just made my first real friends. I remember begging her to not do it, but there was no choice for me. Now, I'm 14 and going into junior year, turning 15 just 6 days before I become a junior. I tell myself all the time to just focus. To just look at the book like it's more than just a jumble of words that I don't want to read. I blame myself all the time. Sometimes, I'll be winding down for bed and I'll start crying uncontrollably, hoping that one day, I'll be able to just "get over myself".

    When people see others with disorders like depression, they say, "Oh, they can't help it, it's not their fault." (All due respect to people with depression, I may be diagnosed with it as well. My school counselor is trying to get me to see a psychiatrist, because she thinks I have depression based off of what my teachers say about the way I act. Of course, I can't talk to my parents. Yay, statistics are in my favor.) Anyway, when people look at ADHDers, they say, "You need to stop. You can help it, it's just sitting still." "It's just an assignment."

    I watched a TedTalk about living with ADHD (I can't remember for the life of me who hosted, but I remember she has a channel on YouTube called HowToADHD), and it brought me to the point where I was sitting there sobbing, I related so well. I wish I could come up to all of you struggling with ADHD and say, "I know. It's hard, but places like here exist so we can talk to each other and tell each other about our hardships and struggles." I wish I could be right there for everyone who reads this, and just relate our ADHD laughs, cries, and anger to each other. I hope this post helped you all in some way. ADHD isn't something wrong with you, remember that.

    You are not ADHD. It doesn't define you. Don't let it.

Responses

  • 28 days ago

    RE: For anyone: adult, teen, or child, who just needs some comfort.

    You are a brave, brave individual who is coping remarkably well, considering what you've had to deal with all your life. I am so, so sorry that your parents don't understand your ADHD. Not having support at home makes everything so much harder. I'm glad you find comfort and support on this forum. I was not diagnosed until I was middle aged, because I am a female with the mainly inattentive type of ADHD, but I think back to my years in public schools, and it was a constant struggle. My older sister was a brainiac who made almost all As, while my grades where all over the place, depending on whether I found the class interesting or not. I remember hearing my second grade teacher tell my mom "she could be doing so much better!", but I had no idea what to do differently.

    Medication is both a blessing and a curse. I hope you find a way to balance the benefits and the drawbacks. I also hope you find a way to develop a more open dialog with your parents where you can stand up for your needs, and get them to understand and support you. And you probably are dealing with depression. How could you not be? I have come to realize that I have struggled with depression since I was in grade school. It isn't severe, but it does make life a little more difficult, but I have it because life is a little more difficult for me, because of the ADHD. A good therapist can really help. Learning more about ADHD can help. As I have learned more about the condition (reading lots of books and online information from credible sources (very important!)) I have found myself better able to cope. That doesn't mean I don't have anymore problems, but understanding what's going on helps in dealing with them.

    Hang in there (do you really have a choice? Don't answer that - suicide is not a good option), know that you're not alone, and keep finding allies who can help.
  • RE: For anyone: adult, teen, or child, who just needs some comfort.

    Hey, kiddo!!!
    Listen, Lauren (I assume your name is Lauren, considering your username. If not, then sorry, dear!!), my name is Erin. I am a 38 year old mother of, well, now 5, since I now have two fabulous step kiddos. I was diagnosed well over two years ago with ADHD by my therapist. I have YET to be able to receive a formal diagnosis from an actual doc, or be medicated, which, unlike your unfortunate experience, is just exactly what I myself am in desperate need of.
    I have had the condition my entire life, never diagnosed, but after reading up on it, MAN!!!! It explains soooooo much of what's been unexplainable to me for a lifetime. A lifetime spent lonely, crying or restlessly roaming about my house, cleaning, baking, just whiling away useless hours on the internet or social media (the latter after I was a grown person, mind you. There was NO wandering the house at night before I left my parents home.)MANY nights till I finally just fell out from exhaustion. I have ALWAYS had the hardest time sleeping, and been skinny as a rail, super, super active and hyper, talk a mile a minute, and I mean CONSTANTLY, I TRY to stop talking and I still can't. I talk to myself when no one is around unless I have music playing I can sing along to.
    I ALWAYS felt different, off, WRONG, somehow, not like other people. And you know what, Lauren, it's taken a whole lot of aging and hurting, and research, and talking to people in the know, and finally, just good old fashioned, real and true, actual love from another human, that kind you don't find around every corner, in order for me to come to the most important conclusion I've EVER come to.
    I AM DIFFERENT, and I'm NOT like everyone else, but you know what, FRICKIN A!!!!!! Honey, and no offense intended, ok, promise, but PEOPLE ARE SHEEP!!!!! AND THATS WHAT YOUR SORRY PARENTS ARE TOO, DAMMIT!!!! I make NO MORE APOLOGIES for myself anymore and neither should you, darlin. And you should NOT ACCEPT YOUR PARENTS BAA BAA VIEW OF YOUR REALITY. Because that's what it is, sweetheart, your reality, NOT something WRONG with you, not something screwed up in your head. It's simply who you are, honey, and if most of us are any indication, ITS WHO YOU WILL ALWAYS BE. You need some therapy, darlin, and in the worst way, someone to talk to who will NEVER JUDGE, NEVER MAKE YOU FEEL WRONG OR BADLY, and HELP you to understand and come to terms with who you are. And if your parents can't get on board that train, darlin, you find a way to your local health department, and for free, and without parental consent, those helpful ladies will point you in the direction of the help you need.
    And girl, Don't you accept that they just pretend your ADHD doesn't exist!!! Put it out there, in their faces. Talk about it, TO THEM, show them the research you've found, and tell them, honey!!! Tell them that you desperately NEED TO SPEAK ABOUT IT. That you have issues you badly NEED to get off of your chest, and that their ignorance and denial are hurting you very badly!!! And don't give up when it doesn't work RIGHT AWAY. KEEP AT IT!!!! Persistence is your friend.
    Two of my kiddos have the condition, and I know it, I see myself and my life mirrored every time I look into their eyes. And I've already set up assessment and eval for both. They will NOT live my lonely, pain, filled and awful existence. And you should NOT DO IT EITHER!!!!
    And coming to these forums and others like them, and posting, and putting yourself out there, kid, that's a FABULOUS start. There is a website, and it's called additudemag.com. You go to that site, and you bookmark the crap out of, darlin. Trust me when I say, it is the ONLY add/ADHD site you will EVER NEED. And if they don't have it, they'll have a link to who does. Explore the site. Read about us. Engage with your parents, and let them know how sad and lonely you are. You never know, darlin, sometimes, people will surprise you in the most profoundly amazing ways. My family certainly has. And good luck and may you have a life as wonderful as you obviously are, sweet girl.
    Sincerely,
    The Nuttiest Momma Around.