• 17 days ago

    For anyone: adult, teen, or child, who just needs some comfort.

    If you're reading this and you have ADHD, I'm sorry for the long speech. I always skip around if I have a lengthy read ahead of me, and you all probably aren't much different. I tried to space it out a bit, and reading it myself, the space helped a little bit. :D

    I was diagnosed with severe ADHD at 5 years old. My mother always believed it was some type of "stigma" and wouldn't tell any of my teachers when I was a kid. She just recognized it once every three months, when it was time to buy the medicine. When I was in kindergarten, I got my first prescription of Concerta. I took it every day. No breaks, no holidays. Looking back, I was a unhealthily skinny kid. I was at least fifteen to twenty pounds underweight, and I had been nicknamed "Zombie" because of the zoned-out manner my dosage of Concerta gave me.

    Back to the topic, my mother didn't research ADHD enough, or didn't care enough, to learn that children and teens with ADHD are far different than normal teens and kids. When I was in eighth grade, I stopped taking my medication because at school, people were constantly asking me if I was okay, or if I was depressed. When I came home from school, I had to force myself to act happy and excited in order to please my parents, who would get angry with me if I continued with the "zombie" manner.

    It exhausted me, so I quit my meds. Immediately, I started to gain weight. People began to tell me I looked healthier, with a little "meat on my bones". It made me happy. Like a true ADHD kid, I'd rather fit in at school and please my family than care about my own self-being and grades. Grades were a big deal. All over the Web, you hear about these kids and teens with ADHD flunking school. Not me. My parents emphasized the "meds will fix everything" stigma, and ignored me mentally.

    When kids with ADHD reach their teenage years, ADHD will fluctuate their emotions. In other words, teen without ADHD's emotions = much less than teen with ADHD's emotions. "If you take your medicine, you'll get good grades." "If you don't take your medicine, you'll essentially fail out of high school and never amount to anything." Exact words. The first time I got a B in eighth grade (conveniently soon after I had quit my medication, in fact) I cried for an hour, too afraid to even talk to my parents about my situation. I've been longing to talk to them. Longing for them to even understand the strenuous experience I'm going through.

    When I was diagnosed, it made my mother just want to make me look so smart that it never crossed anyone's minds that I even had ADHD. She had my school allow me to skip my first grade year. I had just made my first real friends. I remember begging her to not do it, but there was no choice for me. Now, I'm 14 and going into junior year, turning 15 just 6 days before I become a junior. I tell myself all the time to just focus. To just look at the book like it's more than just a jumble of words that I don't want to read. I blame myself all the time. Sometimes, I'll be winding down for bed and I'll start crying uncontrollably, hoping that one day, I'll be able to just "get over myself".

    When people see others with disorders like depression, they say, "Oh, they can't help it, it's not their fault." (All due respect to people with depression, I may be diagnosed with it as well. My school counselor is trying to get me to see a psychiatrist, because she thinks I have depression based off of what my teachers say about the way I act. Of course, I can't talk to my parents. Yay, statistics are in my favor.) Anyway, when people look at ADHDers, they say, "You need to stop. You can help it, it's just sitting still." "It's just an assignment."

    I watched a TedTalk about living with ADHD (I can't remember for the life of me who hosted, but I remember she has a channel on YouTube called HowToADHD), and it brought me to the point where I was sitting there sobbing, I related so well. I wish I could come up to all of you struggling with ADHD and say, "I know. It's hard, but places like here exist so we can talk to each other and tell each other about our hardships and struggles." I wish I could be right there for everyone who reads this, and just relate our ADHD laughs, cries, and anger to each other. I hope this post helped you all in some way. ADHD isn't something wrong with you, remember that.

    You are not ADHD. It doesn't define you. Don't let it.