• 2 months ago

    please help me

    this gonna be a really hard and long story but im gonna try my best and fight my feelings because i know that this is they only key to live finally LIVE A LIFE.

    back few months i came to a point in my life where i never felt so bad. i play a lot of competitive games. i was unable to concentrate, i felt like i cant achieve anything even in games not just in my life. i started to burnout on everything and i was angry on a lot of people because of the emotional rollercoaster. slowly i started to hate myself (never liked myself and how i look). i could even look into the mirror. i was really slim,never ate and slept enough and even if i ate enough it was only trash food.
    i was in love with a girl who would never think about me as i think about her..then she said i look really ***. but i knew that ( deep in my mind ) she told that only cause she wanted to help me but still... it felt very bad.
    I had out from my job for weeks. i was home alone with my cat for a long time. i drank something put some chillout music and was looking for mood swings, depression. then i found bipolard disorder. i tought it could be my problem. few days later i was looking further and then i found adhd.
    The first thing i did was reading all the Symptoms slowly. everytime i read one of them, tousands of memories come to surface.

    i dont know how to get through this thats why im here now. i know that if i would go to a doctor or psychologist ( sorry i dont know the right word in english) as soon as i would collect my toughts i would just freaking cry i couldnt even talk 2 sentences. and that would take tousands of hours and even more money.

    i guess it all started in my childhood. i was often bullied because i was already very tall, everytime someone looked at me my head went red and everyone laughed. i never could pay attention in the school, so my mom spend a lot of time with me at home to learn, sometimes even more time that i spent in the school. and that was only one subject... my mom had a job so she didnt really had time just like my father who worked far away from us and he could really be with us. and when he was he was just angry, was screaming with my mom and me and my sister just listened every single weeked what happened.
    i dont blame them , since i respect them and i try to help them. but how should i help others when i cant even help myself. when i dont even understand whats wrong with me.

    i read a lot about adhd threatment.

    first of all , i stopped smoking. this was way easier than i tought and this gave me such a motivation to go further.
    then i started to really care about what i eat/drink. i started to follow nutritionsts on social platforms. i even started to workout a little bit.
    stopped eating candy and trashfood. ( sometimes i eat trashfood but only when i know i ate enough normal food )
    i moved home to my parents and i slowly tried to tell them that i really sorry about my past, about everything i did wrong. i even told them that i love them even tho i didnt said it in YEARS.

    the only thing i cant control is anxiety and stress. even if i have plan for a day, im alone and i feel like im lost in this world, alone and depressed again. and i know that i have to sleep but i cant bacause i start to sweat. just like in public when i start to speak or the attention is on me.

    i knew that a girlfriend could help much. so i met one girl and i tried to be open minded with her. i show her only my positive site and my motivated self because i knew that i need one girl who is good and knows what is good for me. i could do anything for her. really. today , just before i wanted to talk about my adhd to her, she said we are better stay friends. probably cause i couldnt give her enough free space and time. i accept that... i told her that i hope we could meet sometime and just talk about what i really wanted to talk about. even if i know that she cant be mine anymore :(

    and im here now.
    i was never so confused


  • 1 month ago

    RE: please help me

    I don't know what to say but I know what can help you.
    There's an app I found that called #self-care
    It help me a-lot with all of this *** maybe it can help you.
  • 1 month ago

    RE: please help me

    You can get medication for ADHD through your regular doctor which makes it easier than the pressure of a psychologist office.
    I speak from experience that letting go of past childhood memories and focus on building future you is key to success. Read inspirational quotes on pinterest, Twitter or Instagram, it makes you feel better. Definitely avoid dating until you have bettered your situation. You never hide parts of yourself for anyone so build up your best self and it will get better