• 30 days ago

    tortured

    My best friends wife recently confided to me that she feels a connection to me. We met and talked a few times and it turns out I have the same feelings for her. We are both married with kids. The love we feel is real, I never felt this strongly for my wife of 12 years. I feel like we are both in love with each other and its real. On one hand I would feel so horrible betraying my friend, on the the other hand I want to spend the rest of my life happy. My wife and I are not nearly as connected as we used to be.

Responses

  • 29 days ago

    RE: tortured

    You're flattered by the attention and what you're feeling is infatuation, not love. If your wife and you are not so connected now, maybe it's time you started doing something about it rather than looking elsewhere for the spark? The grass is always greener where you water it ...

    I suggest marriage counselling for you ASAP.
  • 29 days ago

    RE: tortured

    You said you never felt this strongly for your wife of 12 years. and you feel like you both are in love. And you are not feeling same way with your wife. looks like you both know each other about it. choice is yours what do you want for your life. Since you are looking for happiness. Sounds like you are not that happy with your wife the way you used to be, but you feel happy about her. you are getting confused about your decision. you have love for her deeply and you love your wife, but you are not feeling connected as you used to be with your wife. is that meaning of having distance with your wife from your heart. very complicated. you have love for both, but you have strongly feelings for her not for your wife. And you really love her and the way you love her you never feel that way before about your wife. you are an Adult person you know what would be best. Life is yours, it is complicated for sure since you both have kids.
      • 29 days ago
        On one hand you are feeling so horrible betraying, on the other hand you want to spend the rest of your life happy. does it meaning of you’re feeling about betraying just because of her? what is it about Betraying? you are betraying with your wife and you feeling happy for having her. you do not want to lose her because you love her. how do you fix this??? She loves you too. maybe ready for you. you are not ready to tell your wife yet. how about her? yes, it is tortured for you now.
  • RE: tortured

    I cannot know your specific situation, but I can offer some ideas based on my experience doing couples therapy. Consider how you feel about your wife and family. Do you love them? Are they worth fighting for? If you could improve your marriage, might it be worth staying for? If the answer to any of this is yes, I suggest you seek out couples therapy.

    Also, you have a life and family with your wife that will not just disappear if you choose to leave your wife for this other woman. So whatever you decide, it's almost always best to resolve your marital issues (which may include divorce) before starting another relationship. To do otherwise usually results in a lot of drama and misery for all involved.

    Another thing to keep in mind is that your feelings for this woman are colored by the situation -- often "forbidden fruit" is much more enticing. This is not to say that there aren't real feelings that might be there even if your situation were different. But it is difficult to imagine that your feelings would be exactly the same in a different situation. Just something to think about.