• 5 months ago

    Sex with my wife issues

    I need advice, my wife and I have been together for 3.5 years and got married 11 months ago. When we first started dating we had sex often but we weren’t living together for the first year and a half. Early on she mentioned that she had a period spotting problem and it caused her to bleed or spot throughout the month even when she wasn’t on her period. She also mentioned that her previous partners complained and made her feel bad about it. So now she’s mentally and emotionally scarred from this issue. I was able to get her to change doctors and then try a few new types of birth control to address the issue. We finally got a new medication that pretty much stops the spotting but it still happens every now and then but not as much as it was previously. But she still thinks it’s going to be messy every time we have sex.

    We only do it once a week or 3 times a month. It’s very routine and always happens on the weekend during the day after we shower after the gym. I hate that it’s more of a “let’s just get this over with” type of thing for her. I also made matters worse confiding in one of my close females friends that my wife is friends with as well and that made her feel more embarrassed and wanted to have sex even less. I just had my 40th birthday this past weekend and we didn’t have sex. Whenever we have a busy weekend we tend to not have sex cuz she’s tired and this was a busy birthday weekend that included a big party. Now I’m irritated that we didn’t have sex and she can tell that something is bothering me. We didn’t even have sex on our wedding day in Mexico cuz she was tired. She says she doesn’t think about sex and sometimes she only does it to appease me. I’m at a loss as to what to do? If I bring it up I seem selfish and it’s such a sensitive subject for her because she has trauma over the spotting. Also the other issue is the dog! The dog sleeps at the end of the bed with us every night, and my wife sleeps with sweat pants and a long sleeve shirt every night. So we almost never have sex spontaneously in the bed at night or in the morning. How do I approach this issue without seeming like the selfish horny husband?

    Please help!

Responses

  • 5 months ago

    RE: Sex with my wife issues

    Oh how I feel for you. We are 60 and have been married over 30 years. Her libido has declined to point that sex seems obligatory and perfunctory for her. Both in great health. But the discrepancy in sex drive is irritating. Now I suddenly realize why men so crazily go outside the marriage. I love my wife, and would do nothing to hurt her, but the lack of passionate sex is bothersome and seemingly on my mind a lot. She thinks nothing is wrong and I should be very grateful that she at least gets me off on a regular basis. It seems like I'm lamenting my own problems instead of discussing yours, but I sense this is a real thing for healthy males as we age. Are we to suppress the most natural and sensational element of our lives? Should we be ashamed of this desire? I work hard and enjoy a lot of things in life, and freely admit that a strong erection and blowing a load is at the top of list. Does this make me a weirdo? But now I certainly understand those cultures that allow for multiple wives and the solicited sex business. Not sure I could cross the line, and gratefully no smoking hot 25 yr old has ever come on to me. But I don't think it is a subject we should ignore.
  • 5 months ago

    RE: Sex with my wife issues

    ummm no offense dude but this is something you should have squared away BEFORE you got married. I think you need to really sit her down and tell her how you feel that not having sex is a MAJOR issue to you and that you don't feel satisfied sexually with her because of the lack of sex. Tell her you feel unwanted and unsatisfied and it's causing you to feel frustrated in the marriage. You can be kind and HONEST at the same time. Maybe suggest she gets some therapy for the trauma issue. Suggest couple's therapy if she needs. Ask her if there's anything you can do that YOU'RE NOT doing to make her feel comfortable. Babying this issue won't help. You're a newlywed, you're not wrong for wanting to have sex with your wife. Biggest mistake you made was marrying her before this issue was addressed, to be honest, because it sounds like she's going to ride on this traumatic spotting issue for as long as she can. I'm a female so I can tell you that sharing a life with someone who is seemingly disinterested in sex is not a way to live in your younger years/beginning of a marriage. these are supposed to be the fun years! there's plenty of time to sit on the couch, watch tv, and not have sex... that time isn't now!
  • 5 months ago

    RE: Sex with my wife issues

    OK, so a big part of the problem is she's tired. It's time she got checked out for that because there can be many causes (depression for one, anemia for another) and see if it can't be managed. Are there any external causes for her tiredness apart from that? Working overly long hours? A long commute? Noisy place of work? Possibly you not pulling your weight with taking care of the house? Just some ideas... Once you get to the bottom of her tiredness you can start changing things.
      • 5 months ago
        Me no tired. I am just said to him I could be just because of travel. He will be tired but me no. Will see by the next week. Your situation is different then me.
  • 5 months ago

    RE: Sex with my wife issues

    Hi First throw away her sleeping togs, if she asks why you did say your breaking down barriers between you both.

    Give her the odd glass of wine so it relaxes her and then you can take her by surprise, my wife likes that, try just after you both shower so your both warm and fresh,.

    Try bathing together, as its nice to have sex then, get into more foreplay. if she says no just say you don't mind, and when you can both get naked, spend time together naked as its so nice.

    NOWHARD
  • RE: Sex with my wife issues

    Wanting sex with your wife does NOT make you a selfish husband. It makes you a healthy male, and it sounds like a loving husband who wants the closeness of making love with your wife. The first step, often, in situations like this is to open the communication. It's important to find a way to talk through both of your thoughts and feelings in a deep way -- in a way that you both really listen to and try to understand each other. I wonder whether she would like more of a sexual relationship, if she could more fully enjoy it -- but that she does not know how. In any case, the idea is that you both fully appreciate each other's situation and work together toward you both being happy. This may be more than you can work through on your own in this situation, and so you may want to try couples therapy.