• 3 months ago

    Why can't I let go....

    I've been in this unhealthy relationship with this guy for almost 2 and a half years. He is physically abusive at times, because my words hurt him worse then any physical abuse could ever he says. So basically I ask and deserve it because the truth hurts. He also lies and hides so much from me from small to big things. He has talked to other women planned dates and just here recently he actually cheated well that I know of anyways. Honestly I should have left him the day I found out he was talking to another female planning on a lunch date or if not that day then most definitely should have left the day he put hands on me. In past relationships before him after my separation from my kid's dad I had no issues walking away from guys for physical abuse, for lying, for being controlling, ect. In fact soon as I recognized any negative behaviors I didn't like then I was pretty much over it and gone. Just like that hardly giving any explanations or chances for change I would just be done with it and them. But why is this relationship so difficult for me to walk away from why haven't I left I fell in love with a man who obviously wasn't what he seemed I seriously thought for certain he was the one I had never felt so sure of anything ever in my life and it sucks at just how wrong I was He has definitely hurt me way beyond repair and I don't believe I could ever trust him ever. Each day is just more torturous then the day before Exhausted constantly on guird of what he says how he says it trying to find prove of the decetful things he does it's made me crazy I am now a crazy unhappy bitchy girlfriend because he unleashed the person I hate being but can be if I am hurt thanks for any insight I guess maybe I'm just venting

Responses

  • 3 months ago

    RE: Why can't I let go....

    If you want to stay with him then careful about your word with him since he put his hand on you. And once you find out that his has been cheating why did not you serious talk to him with the evidence you got about cheating and you may ask any of his best friends or family members to talk with him about temporary cheating mater. Because once you have evidence his close friend or family definitely believes in you and would help you to stop his temporary last. This is not only destroy you but also destroying him as well. I do not think he has that brian to understand. Good luck
      • 3 months ago
        So you think that a physically violent guy is going to listen to his gf lecturing him about cheating? I don't. No matter how carefully she chooses her words. And he's unlikely to listen to his friends or family either.

        OP, you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells all the time . That isn't what love is about. Get out now, while you still can.
      • 26 days ago
        “Stop his temporary last?” What? Boy do people SUCK at writing, these days. Go back to elementary school and start over.
      • 25 days ago
        i see
      • 24 days ago
        will make one just for fun if ui don't talk cause love just for ui.
      • 20 days ago
  • 3 months ago

    RE: Why can't I let go....

    He is narcissistic. And it's not your fault but it is hard to get away from them. He has made you believe it what's wrong with you, but it is what's wrong with him. He is also a sociopath and has no feelings for anything but himself. Get away and never go back.
  • 3 months ago

    RE: Why can't I let go....

    Before I go any further, please take this to heart - nobody, but nobody deserves to be abused. And nobody has the right to put their hands on you.

    Your pathetic apology for a boyfriend is not going to change, not now, not ever, so don't hold your breath. Imagine a friend came to you and told you what you just told us. What would you tell her? Would you tell her to suck it up and stay for "love"? I bet you wouldn't.

    You say you have a child... why are you putting your child through this? And don't go imagining that s/he doesn't know about the abuse because children know way more than they let on. They also learn by example... Do you think you are showing her/him what a loving relationship looks like?

    Can you give me ONE good reason for you to stay? And don't say "love". Love is so very overrated. Here's an idea - take a sheet of paper and write down all the reasons to stay on one side and all the reasons to leave on the other. Take a long, long look at what you've written. Now you tell me why you want to stay.

    Finally, please be aware that an abuser will never change, usually the abuse just escalates. Please leave before it's too late for you ... or your child.

    You deserve so much better than this miserable existence.
      • 3 months ago
        Thanks fcl I will go for separation soon... i can let go the abuser. he got a new job. So, this is my time for let go.
      • 3 months ago
        Please be safe and take care of yourself. Keep us updated, will you?
      • 3 months ago
        Thanks fcl I will
      • Also, if you are concerned about your safety, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at https://www.thehotline.org/ or calling them at 1-800-799-7233.
      • 24 days ago
        I'm so glad that you can get away from him now!
        You have a lot of people who care about you and wish you well, so please ignore the rude people who replied to your post.
        I'm praying for you~
        Take good care of yourself!
  • 3 months ago

    RE: Why can't I let go....

    Well hopefully you take this advice before he kills you, your child or both of you.

    You need help to get away safely. Go to a women's advocacy group, or county social services. They know how to help you and your child get away safely and quietly.

    They have done it thousands of time before, helping women and children escape deadly relationships. The rest is up to you. Hope you give you and your child the chance to grow older and enjoy life.
  • 1 month ago

    RE: Why can't I let go....

    Hello I hope this message finds you well, and I hope things have improved since your original post 2 months ago. If not I wanted to offer some words of advice and validation, first, I'm sorry. I know first hand how hard it is to break the cycle of abuse, especially when the abuser is narcissistic, but it can be done. I suggest finding a safe space to discuss the abuse, acknowledge that it is not your fault, and none of what you did or said is validation for, his actions. Next, forgive yourself for staying, for whatever reason, spending less time trying to figure out why you've stayed allows you time to figure out how to leave. Find resources outside of family and friends to help support you, talk to a therapist, school social workers, local abuse hotlines, to name a few. It takes time and you may not be successful the first, second, or third time but know that if you stop trying to leave your abuser, you'll never leave. I know that sound cliche but it is true, you're worry of happiness, so if you decide to leave and fail, remember that you can keep trying.

    I hope you have support from family and friends, and the community to give you the strength needed to leave.
      • 1 month ago
        *You're worthy of happiness
      • 1 month ago
        Yes, you are right. wish me good luck on it. everything will be apart soon. and i will rebuild myself.
      • There are many here who are trying to support you in staying safe. You said that "everything will be apart soon" and that you will "rebuild" yourself. I'm hoping you've taken at least a step toward moving in that direction. If you are open to it, please update us about where you are with things -- even if you are struggling to take that first step. This can help us continue to support you.
  • 26 days ago

    RE: Why can't I let go....

    Hi, I've been in your shoes. I'm telling you, get out NOW ! You nor your child deserves this. It will continue & it will get worse. I was in a shelter & one of the women working told me the same story but she said "I'm proof that happiness & the love you deserve" are possible. I couldn't believe it then but a few years later I was blessed with my husband of 30 years. He has truly loved me. He never has raised his voice to me. Every day he asks me how I'm doing that day. We don't go to sleep w/o saying goodnight I love you. God blessed me with more than I ever thought possible. I'm praying for you & your life to come because you have to get out NOW. God Bless you
  • 26 days ago

    RE: Why can't I let go....

    First, don’t be so damn lazy and USE PERIODS (.) when you write! Holy crap!
    Maybe that’s part part of the problem. If this man is not loyal to you, dump him and go find someone else. Develop a spine and some self-confidence, leave the guy and go find another man. There’s millions of other men out there and many of them are much better than the loser you’re going out with now! Hope that helps.
  • 26 days ago

    RE: Why can't I let go....

    That guy is never going to change. Please get out of that relationship ASAP!!!!
  • 20 days ago

    RE: Why can't I let go....

    Everyone here has posted something that's probably good for you but it really doesn't help you to get out of the relationship! I have been there and often slide back into the old feelings I have for someone who has been extremely abusive in many ways. In his eyes, he's trying to tell you he doesn't want to be with you anymore! You have to quit bringing this on yourself and your child. (Hopefully the child is not his or connected emotionally like you are!) I personally had to get outside help other than reading posts online. Consider this simple suggestion: Co-dependants Anonymous group or Abuse Survivor's group of some kind will definitely let you see that you are not alone and give you tools to handle situations where you may have contact with this person in the future, like myself. I cross paths with the guy that I fell so hard for several years ago. I was under his thumb for quite some time. Even his grown children and ex-wife have told me that he will never change! Change is inevitable! But you and I cannot change these men. Any feelings you have for him will never be enough to make him want to reciprocate! Get into a support group of some kind... Not sure where you live but you will definitely benefit from getting support no matter how far you have to travel. Take it from someone with real experience... You owe it to yourself and to your child...
  • 19 days ago

    RE: Why can't I let go....

    Girl I found myself going through the same thing and don't even recognize the person I have become. The situation has consumed every bit of my life until it's all I think about and all I spend time on.