• 19 days ago

    Relationship advice

    I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year. We are both divorced and she has 3 kids and I have 2, both from our previous marriages. Her sister who is married and with 3 kids, and they are financially well off. They regularly go on a cruise over the Christmas holiday. My girlfriend informed me that her sister called her and told her that she has paid for my girlfriend and her 3 kids to go with them this year. I am feeling conflicted about this. On the one hand, I am very happy for her and the kids as this will be an amazing vacation for them and one they could not normally afford. However, on the other hand, I am feeling left out, hurt, and angry for being abandoned for the holidays. Even if we were invited, this is not a trip I could afford, so that wouldn't be an option. Nor would I ever expect her sister to extend the offer to us (and even if she did, I would decline). I am having a hard time getting my head straight and would love any helpful advice as to how to proceed to help me get past my negative emotions and focus on the positive.

Responses

  • 18 days ago

    RE: Relationship advice

    you both divorced and you both love each other. surprised to read that her sister planning to take her and her kids for vacation but did not invite you to join with them. it is totally depending on your GF that she likes to go for vacation or not. how come she will enjoy over there without you since she is your GF and you all staying together i guess. and her sister have less scene of humor that did not realize about you are BF and can be future husband. So, it is important inviting you as well. if your GF do not want to attend without you then she can send her kid for having a good time with their Aunt. NO need to be upset about it. Just tell your GF clearly that you may not like her to go there without you. if you really want to have her in your life you need to be clear everything now.

    wishing you both Good luck
      • 18 days ago
        I'm not surprised he wasn't invited because I doubt the sister's generosity could run to him AND his two children.
      • 18 days ago
        from my opinion, if her sister can expend money for her and three kids, she is able to expend for her sister BF and the two kids as well. Obviously, she has lack of sense of humor.
      • 17 days ago
        Perhaps you have no idea how much a cruise costs per person. Let's note, however, that he himself said he could never afford it.

        Also, he is still *only* a boyfriend of a year, not a husband. Yes, he could be a future husband but he isn't one ... yet.

        What is wrong with wanting to make your sister happy with a surprise vacation? And it has nothing to do with a sense of humor (or lack of one) - not sure where you got that from.
      • 17 days ago
        I'm afraid you have me flummoxed. What does a sense of humour have to do with this?
  • 18 days ago

    RE: Relationship advice

    Be sure to talk about it with your soulmate. You yourself create a problem that you should not care at all, let it be a motivation for you to increase revenue and lead everyone on a trip at your own expense.
  • 18 days ago

    RE: Relationship advice

    Remiond yourself that christmas is just a day like any other. A holiday is a holiday. Your girlfriend has been offered a wonderful gift - the chance to take her children on a family holiday that she could probably never be able to afford. Try to look at the big picture and see this in the spirit it was offered. How often in a lifetime do you get a present of this magnitude?

    You'll have many other holidays to spend with your girlfriend so try and be happy for her and her children for this one.
  • 17 days ago

    RE: Relationship advice

    As a guy who was divorced with children in my 30's. I would have never expected a girlfriends family to invite me and my kids on a family vacation like that and pay for me and my children too. If the invitation was extended to you, and you could afford it, and could pay for yourself, then you'd go. You've only been together a year and this is almost a year away so we never know where a relationship is headed. Enjoy your own children during the Holidays and your family and create some special traditions of your own. It's only a week out of your life.
  • 17 days ago

    RE: Relationship advice

    As a guy who was divorced with children in my 30's. I would have never expected a girlfriends family to invite me and my kids on a family vacation like that and pay for me and my children too. If the invitation was extended to you, and you could afford it, and could pay for yourself, then you'd go. You've only been together a year and this is almost a year away so we never know where a relationship is headed. Enjoy your own children during the Holidays and your family and create some special traditions of your own. It's only a week out of your life.
      • 16 days ago
        it is better to invite all rather than invite once site. he is a BF of her and having relationship with her more then a year meaning he loves her for sure. So, her family members should understand that inviting her BF and his kids for a vacation (it could be any kind vacation) is important, this will be a sign of accepting or seeing him as part of the family of her. And this is the way she will be able to introduce him to her more family members as well.
      • 16 days ago
        This is delusional. It would be nice if the sister could afford it but inviting the bf and his brood on a cruise is not on a par with inviting him to afternoon tea, my dear.
      • 16 days ago
        Wow. People who has a lot money to expend on their siblings meaning they have uncountable money to expend on their siblings significant others. Who has fixed income those people would not offer their siblings for expensive vacation.
      • 15 days ago
        The OP is asking for help to get over his feelings about the invitation. He said he doesn't want to go on the trip, he just needs help getting his emotions straightened out. It doesn't matter to him that he wasn't invited. This isn't about money, it's about feelings.
      • 15 days ago
        Right it is all about his feelings. Then his significant other suppose to understand him.
  • 17 days ago

    RE: Relationship advice

    I think you need to look deep inside yourself to find why you feel so negatively on this. To me, it sounds like jealousy. You know that her sister has the opportunity of spoiling her and her children and wants to do so. You also know that there is nothing wrong with that. You also know that this could be a once in a lifetime opportunity for your girlfriend.

    I also understand how left out you feel. Look, you have a whole year ahead of you to plan for this. Think about what you would really like to do with your children for Christmas - spend time with your parents, take them to Disney, go skating, go skiing ... whatever you would thoroughly enjoy doing.

    Just do you and focus on you and yours ... and continue to be happy for her.
  • RE: Relationship advice

    It sounds like you accept this situation in your head, but the feelings of being left out are strong. I'm curious about what is making them so strong and what the anger is about. I agree with fcl that it might help to look more deeply into your reaction, trying to understand where it is coming from. This might help you to cope better with the situation.

    Also, as you gain some clarity (or to help you gain clarity), you might want to share your struggles with your girlfriend so that she can support you. However, it would be important that you approach this as your emotional reaction, not as her doing something wrong (if you believe this to be the case). That said, this kind of discussion is not right for all relationships.

    For many people, the most helpful way to approach difficult situations like this is to accept the situation and find ways to help yourself cope emotionally. A few comments address this when they suggest enjoying time with your family.