• 6 months ago

    dating again

    So 2 years ago I met back up with an old boyfriend. He is divorced for 5 years and ive been a widow who hasnt dated in 10 years. First we were long distance dating then he decided to move to the city where I live he still talks and communicates with his ex wife and seems to think I shouldnt have a problem with this. Our children are grown (He has 2 I have 3) As of yet I have not met his children and its been 2 years again his kids are grown and so are mine. He's meet my kids and some of my grandkids.
    He claims he loves me and we have been looking for a house together even though he only gave me a promise ring this past christmas, Mind you we are both 60 im now angry and feel he is being immature at our age. If he doesnt know what he wants. Im ready to leave this relationship immediately.
    Feeling confused because i do love him but will not tolerate disrespect.

Responses

  • 6 months ago

    RE: dating again

    WOW you both having ex life and having kids. why didn't you see his kids yet... you are also his kids stepmom if you marry him… his missed his kids for sure… you should have understood that before and brought his kids in the house and let them stay with their father as long as they want or never let them leave… after all you all family…
      • 6 months ago
        Maybe his children live in another country? Another, far-away state? Maybe it just hasn't been possible?
      • 6 months ago
        nothing is impossible. just they needed to set their mind. and as a stepmom she needed to focus on his kids beside her own kids. nothing to be upset about to look after his kids as well. this will create a strong relationship between you and him. a house with many kids isn't it awesome. you may be busy with all of them but it is wonderful see all of them happy face.
      • 6 months ago
        Do you realize that his "kids" are probably in their 3às or 40s and don't actually need any looking after?
      • 5 months ago
        I don’t think that you understand the issue correctly. He doesn’t have young children.
  • 6 months ago

    RE: dating again

    Hi Just say are we together or not, and see what his answer is, it he um's leave ASAP

    AS your heart cant split two ways.

    NOWHARD
  • RE: dating again

    I can hear the pain you are in from this difficult situation. As I read your post, I find I have a number of questions. Have you asked him about why he has yet to introduce you to his kids? If so, what did he say. Also, have you met his ex-wife? What is their relationship like? Other than their shared history (which is significant), is there something else about the way they are together that makes you feel threatened by her? And, when you say that you feel he is being immature, I'm wondering what you mean by it (is there even more to that than what you've shared here?)

    Most importantly, how does he respond when you share your concerns with him. Whatever the issues are, relationships do best when couples can talk openly, and they both feel supported -- and that their partner really cares and wants the best for them. (Do you feel he really cares about you and your concerns; or just dismisses them, leaving you to feel dismissed?)
  • 6 months ago

    RE: dating again

    Finding a Husband:

    1. You find a handsome one, the brain is EMPTY.
    2. You find a brilliant one, he looks too SERIOUS.
    3. You find a rich one, he is DISRESPECTFUL.
    4. You find a hard-working one, he never has TIME for you.
    5. You find a serious one, his EX keeps calling.
    6. You find a humble one, He is Broke.
    7. You find a responsible one, he is not ROMANTIC.
    8. You find an educated one, he feels he is always right.
    9. You find an illiterate one, he always gets angry whenever you correct him.
    10. You find a smart one, he lies EVERY TIME.
  • 5 months ago

    RE: dating again

    I’m not quite sure that I understand the issue. But it sounds like he is not completely ready to commit to you. So don’t push it. Try just dating without living together. Give him some space. Do not move in prematurely. It will not end well.
  • 5 months ago

    RE: dating again

    Depends on what kind of agreement you have between you two. Even if it is an exclusive relationship, as long as it is appropriate as "friends" . . . no matter how old they are the kids are the lasting link between ex's. . . I'm not seeing the issue. I do think you have to be clear about your feelings about this communication and set some reasonable boundaries. Ordering him to cease all communication, IMO would put a real strain on the relationship.

    However on one hand and more importantly is the fact that he has not introduced you to his kids after 2 years. On the other hand, maybe he doesn't regard your relationship in the same way as you do. I think that is the crucial question . . . How would each of you describe your relationship with each other?
      • 5 months ago
        I saw his kids pictures. He kept his kids pictures in work laptop. His older son almost like him.
  • 4 months ago

    RE: dating again

    Oh no I just responded to this possibly in the wrong section. I believe I gave you good advice and hope you find it posted under counseling. I’m new to this message board ❤️
  • 4 months ago

    RE: dating again

    Frankly, I think you are right to be concerned. This might be a serious warning to you, if you are questioning this relationship before any real commitment. Please don't rush into marriage, living together, co-mingling funds, etc. Getting married will not 'cure' the situation. Good luck to you.
      • 4 months ago
        Looks like he wants both his wife whether or not ex he is in love with his wife. He may or may not love you. If he does not you probably should not expect more from him. Why do not you make more boyfriend for fun and show to him that how does it feels like. Good luck
      • 4 months ago
        Looks like he wants both his wife whether or not ex he is in love with his wife. He may or may not love you. If he does not you probably should not expect more from him. Why do not you make more boyfriend for fun and show to him that how does it feels like. Good luck
  • 4 months ago

    RE: dating again

    dating again blackyellowteam
    I totally understand where you are coming from. I am a little older then you. I have a lot of respect for myself and will not tolerate disrespect from any man. Looking at the total picture of what you said, I feel before I would make any changes at all, I would sit down with him and talk to him about how you feel before you ever think of dumping him. you may have a great man. They are few and far between. I would tell him that I want to talk to him. Then, I would say, there is something bothering me. Why have you not introduced me to your children? Men are very different then us in the way they think sometimes . So, ask him? That is what I would do. You need to know so ask him. I know where you are coming from because we know when a man cares about a woman and plans to make a future with us, 99 percent of them want us to me their children. But we are not mind readers and they are not either. So, you need to ask him why. If he has a good reason to you and it makes sense then you are over that big hump. I like you, have lived life long enough to know what's not looking right. I like you, do not think he should be talking to the ex wife . His kids are grown, my question to you is how often does he talk to his ex wife? A ex is a ex for a reason. His kids are grown. If its 2 times a year talking to her it may be fine. But, it could be he does not want you to meet his kids, and talks a lot to his ex because he is still in love with her. He may deep down hope to go back with her. The whole point of me writing you is, you may have a great man and you love him so there is no point in dumping him because you feel he is disrespecting you, when this man has not had a chance to give you the two answers you are looking for. You need to tell him, it hurts me that you have not intro duced me to your children. Why is that? That is all you have to do. Then you will see why he has not done it. You should be able to know by his reaction, whether to let him go or keep him. If you do not have the courage to ask him, ask God for the courage to ask this man what you need to know. God will give you the courage. Good luck and God Bless you.
  • 4 months ago

    RE: dating again

    I know it has been a month since you wrote this message. I am just now seeing. I have been in your shoes. Believe me when I say, he is not ready for marriage. #1. A ring: really that is what 16 years olds do. #2. A man doesn't take hints: You have to come out and ask him a direct question. Most likely, his children doesn't know about you. But then they might and is just not interested. After all they are adults. #3. I think you should not rush to marry. He has not settled down and possible will never settle down. Don't let him use you to get maybe money from you. Don't let him be a freeloader. When we have boyfriends we know them as young love. It is possible that he has changed his ways as an adult. What you knew him to be when you all dated years ago, he may not be that way now. Don't let your heart over rule your brain. You have questions or you would not have ask what we thought. In this case go by your brain. If there is a question at all then beware!.......I wish you luck.
      • 4 months ago
        wow very thoughtful compliment. Follow your heart that what I would say. talk with him clearly about everything. he may love you but he is a confused man. He does not even know what he wants. if you really love him tell him that you love him and you looking forward to talking with him. but you need to be clear with him that you do not like to see him playing game with you about relationship. Some man like to have wife and a GF both and have love for both. Unbelievable right. those type man always have depression due to maintain two kinds of relationship. They cannot let go their wife because of love and kids and they even cannot let go the Girlfriend or Mistress because of love. You can say a man with full of love with wife and a Girlfriend. And this kind of situation happened in many families. This is a reality. If you want to have him then you may have to let him to do back and forth or he may get another new one for fun who knows. But the thing is people can change for their own good. He may change for you who knows. Or maybe the way we are thinking of him, he may not that sort of person. We cannot tell. One and only you know him well (not even his ex or not ex-wife) so you better know how to deal with him rather than anyone.

        Wishing you go luck