• 8 months ago

    Often feel like I have no one to talk to

    I don't feel like I have close friends or anyone to talk to when I have problems. Message boards are great, but I want to try to have a group of friends in real life. A lot of people turn to family, but there are certain things best talked about with friends. I also noticed people keep in touch with people they grew up with, but I've moved far from home and I need to make friends in a new city. I've been here several years now and still feel isolated.

    I think part of the reason is that I barely have time to socialize. I'm always working, because living in the city is expensive. I think I would have to commit to doing something social regularly over a long period of time to develop close friendships in adulthood.

    I make some friends at work, though I'm trying to maintain a separation between work and personal life, it's hard because I see these people 40+ hours a week. I don't feel I can share too much with my coworkers. I don't want to be seen as a drama queen or a gossiper. I noticed people don't really appreciate when very personal things are being talked about at work. No one wants to hear your sob story when they're trying to get work done.

    I have a boyfriend and he has become my best friend, but as in all relationships, sometimes we fight, and again, I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about it. If nothing else, I guess I'll stick to message boards and see a therapist, but I will always be jealous of others who seem to have close friends.

    How can I develop close relationships and have people to talk to about my problems?


  • 8 months ago

    RE: Often feel like I have no one to talk to

    Well, this is also my concern. I think to have close friends, you need to open your heart to everybody first. This is the first step to do if you want to attract people to you. Give before receive. Look for the real friends around you. Unless you cannot find any real friend in the real life, find the one on the Internet, through this messageboards. But, real friends are always important than abstract ones.
  • RE: Often feel like I have no one to talk to

    This is a difficult problem that a lot of people have, and unfortunately there is no easy solution. I think you are on to something when you say that you need to commit to something over a period of time to allow a friendship to develop. (Sometimes you get lucky, meet someone, and then develop a friendship from that one-time meeting; but you can't depend on this.)

    Many people have trouble maintaining a work-home life balance -- they bring work home with them, so there is almost no non-work time. If this describes you, then you might want to rethink your prioritizing because you can't have friends if there is no time to meet or develop your friendship.

    If it's a money thing, have you tried looking into inexpensive or even freed activities? Try checking out activities on local community calendars, your township's calendar, or even using a search engine for activities in your area. You might also check into meet up.com. Other people might know of other helpful sites.

    In addition, it's often really helpful to think about your interests or things you'd like to learn about. Find groups, classes, or related activities. By pursuing your personal interests, you might find others who have similar interests.

    Final thought: Meeting new friends takes a bit of courage for many. It means opening yourself up to conversations, and even striking up conversations with people you don't know. The more open you can be, the more likely you'll meet new people. Then, of course, there's the art of developing relationships from there.

    I hope this helps. Please feel free to keep checking back here to share your frustrations and successes. We can be a support as you nurture your "real life" friends.
  • 8 months ago

    RE: Often feel like I have no one to talk to

    Hi Like you say its best to keep you work relationships and you privet ones a world apart, I've known some couples over the years whop work together all day and they never seem to speak like you would with somebody out side of your work life.

    Try joining a couple of clubs that has people your age group, what kind of sports do you do or like watching find people who like the same.

    Try joining a gym, your find lots of people of all ages just love to keep fit and like you some go so there in company with others.

    But it is hard been there but in the end your win through I did and been married 46 years, so yes there is somebody out there just waiting for you to be your best friend and confidant. OK