• 8 months ago

    Very upsetting call from my sister

    Hi - say I want to ask for your help and what should I do or say. I live in the Midwest and am originally from California. My parents are gone now but they would come out once in a while to see us - attending our daughter's wedding and my son's graduation etc - I tried to show them a good time. They came too when my husband had a heart attack for support for me.

    Well, several months ago my sister who used to live with my parents but now is married told me "You know when mom and dad came out to see you they really didn't have a good time and they were always anxious to come home."

    OK I was shocked and didn't say anything but suddenly it is on my mind - how rude and how uncaring. I would like to say to her now why are you telling me this and what are you trying to do. I only have one sister - older and that's it. She I know was the favored one as she lived close by - her marriage ended up in divorce because she did not want to live far from my mom and dad - she since is married and lives still out there. She got my parents house and I just got the leftovers - short end of the stick. But she did take care of my mother and moved in with her for 2 to 3 years so she didn't have to go to nursing home so I did get a little money and stock and she got a 1/2 million dollar house and now rents it - my parents didn't want her to sell it so she rents it out and am sure she gets a big check every month.

    Anyway, I am sad and upset about what she said to me and don't know what to say to her next time I hear from her - can someone give me good advice. I never really liked her and she never had much time for me but now tries to call me once in a while. I call more but lately NO. I have these hurt feelings and don't know what to do. I get this Xmas card and she says how much she "loves me" - really???

    Anyway, can you give me some good advice so I can move on - I am trying not to let it get me but how rude - what is the point. To let me know that she was the favored one. Her grandson now is getting married in November and wants me to go. I haven't heard from my niece which is her grandson's mother since my mom died. She is my only niece. Anyway, have such mixed feelings about going out there. My sister did come 5 or so more years ago - they drove out here. Anyway, what advice can you tell me.

    Thank you for listening.


  • 8 months ago

    RE: Very upsetting call from my sister

    tell her this ..!. thinks shell get it?
  • 8 months ago

    RE: Very upsetting call from my sister

    I hope you find and receive power for the Living Words and become a winner for your family love in Jesus name.

    James 5:20
    consider this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and cover over a multitude of sins.

    Ephesians 4:32
    Be kind and tender-hearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.

    1 Peter 4:8
    Above all, love one another deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

    1 Corinthians 13:4
    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

    1 Peter 1:22
    Since you have purified your souls by obedience to the truth, so that you have a genuine love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from a pure heart.

    Colossians 3:12
    Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
  • 8 months ago

    RE: Very upsetting call from my sister

    Hi Your sister sounds just like mine and after My father died which was a year after my Mother, she took a van load of stuff away with her,

    So after that the only contact was through a lawyer over money she owed to the estate, all she would say was it was not a lot, and never a sum?

    Since then nothing, I was sending a yearly letter through an Aunt, but she even turned her against me, so she walked off with her house and money, she nether even told me she had died.

    A few years before all that we asked and her husband to come down to Cornwall in England for a holiday, her reply later was that she wanted to stay around her house and be with her neighbour's, just like that.

    So as you can see there the same.

    What do I do now nothing just forget she is there, which from the sound of, you should as well. OK

  • RE: Very upsetting call from my sister

    It sounds like you have so many different thoughts and feelings related to your sister, your parents, and how your parents treated your sister differently than you. I wonder a lot of things. For instance, I wonder whether part of what you feel toward your sister is more about how your parents treated her differently -- and so is really more about your parents (since it is them, not her, who decided to give her preferential treatment). I wonder whether you have talked openly with your sister about your feelings about your parents, how they treat her differently, or about how you have felt toward her when she has upset you. Have you talked with friends about this situation (people who know more than you've shared here)? What feedback have they offered? You say you are conflicted about going out there, so I wonder what makes you want to go despite being so hurt and upset. I wonder whether the reasons for wanting to go are stronger than the ones for not wanting to go; and whether they are strong enough to make you want to heal your relationship with your sister or just not want to give it up totally. You may know some of these answers, but not all of them; or maybe you know them all. In the end, you are most likely to get clarity about what's best for you to do by carefully sorting through your thoughts and feelings. Because different people in the same situation would respond differently, the answer is going to have to be one that best suits you, even if it would not suit someone else. To sort through it all, you might want to share here more about one piece at a time; or if you have someone in your life that you trust, you might try talking with them to help you clear your thoughts.
      • 8 months ago
        I took your advice and emailed my cousin who I grew up with and who never liked my sister - we still correspond - I always liked her very much and she liked me too and we did a lot together. Anyway, she said she was sorry how cruel she was to me and do NOT let her drag me down with those comments. She said she is jealous. You are independent and have two great kids and grandkids. I still have the original husband and she doesn't. She was always snooty even when we were kids. She never treated us with kindness. She never enjoyed being around her then and now we are adults. She will pray for her as she needs it. She said she may not be as happy as she lets on. Ignore her. She said sometimes you just need to decide is it really worth having her in your life or not. She is not treating you respectfully, kindly or lovingly like a sister should but it is your decision. I know this is hard for you because you dealt with this all your life.

        So anyway, I just have mixed feelings right now and can't make a decision. A while ago my sister said if anything happened to my husband I can stay with her however long I want. It is hard to understand her - she sent me a Xmas card saying how much she loves me.

        I am still torn - can't make any decision about her - when I think of happy memories with her I can't think of any - that is bad isn't it but that's the way I feel today. Guess all I can do is pray about it and hope God can help make my decision for me. Thanks for your help.
      • You are in a difficult situation. I hope that by mulling it over and talking more with your cousin or others (even us, here), you find a path that works for you. If you continue to be unsure, you might consider whether it is worth giving your sister the benefit of the doubt for the moment, and then judge how to continue on based on your next experiences with her. I do wish you well with this; and please know you are always welcome here for us to continue to being a support for you.