• 8 months ago

    Sad Mom/Wife/Me

    Good morning. I am writing as I feel like i have no one I can trust to tell my true feelings too. I feel that if you talk to your friends about how you are feeling that they look at you differently and then I feel like they judge you and your family. I work in a profession where I need to be the strong one and I am the strong one in my family too.
    So many things are going on or have gone on and I am feeling a little overwhelmed these days.

    My daughter is getting married this fall and i don't really like the man she is going to marry, he seems like he is taking advantage of her as she works hard and has money, he works just enough to pay his bills. We are paying for 90% of the wedding, my daughter and her boyfriend are paying the other 10%, his Mom is not paying anything and neither is my daughter's biological father. I am working fulltime and 2 parttime jobs just to pay for the wedding. I can say I am mentally and physically exhausted but keep going because that is what Mom's do right?

    Last fall, my daughter has been in counseling since she started college four years ago and last fall her counselor asked to meet with me and tell what they had been working on and discussing for four years. I was happy that she had started counseling as I knew she was struggling with depression and anxiety and did not want to talk with me about what she was going through or had gone through. The first thing they told me was that my daughter looked up to me because I was so strong and I never let anything bother me and she wanted to be the person that i was. She was afraid to say that she needed help because she did not want to disappoint me. The counselor said all the issues that they discussed were not related to anything that I did as a Mom. They told me things that i knew nothing about and was totally heart broken and didn't know what to say or how to react. My daughter told me that she was raped in high school she did not tell anyone because she did not want to put the family through that. I had to choke back tears of angry and sadness that she had to deal with that all alone. I now feel like i totally failed her as a Mom, she then asked me not tell anyone except for her stepDad, she does not want to be looked at differently as she is not a victim she is a survivor. I do feel like she is a survivor but she did it alone and now I am alone dealing with these feelings. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to get past this? I am not one for counseling so I am just looking for someplace to talk about my feelings. My husband just took it all in stride he does not want to talk about the incident either, i think if he did he would want to know all the details and go after the kid. I do not even know who the kid is, if she told me I forgot because I was in shock from the news.

    Can someone help me?

    Thanks for listening.


  • 8 months ago

    RE: Sad Mom/Wife/Me

    After reading the above post that you need to get into therapy now. Saying you can't is just an excuse. Tell the bride & groom you are spending X ( 50% with say a $10,000 cap) amount on the wedding. The rest is their responsibility. Given that 60% 1st marriages end why waste money. You need to get yourself right you cannot fix the rest of them nor should you try! They are adults let them deal with their issues you deal with yours. Because girl nobody is going to do it for you