• over 1 year ago

    Online cheating

    Is it cheating to have intimate sexual conversations online? I just ran across that my wife of 14 years has been having such conversations online with a unmaried man that lives over seas. She is not aware of my knowledge of it. I feel very hurt and betrayed along with other feelings I can not discribe. I want to work things out as I still love her dearly. I do not know how to address the situation tho.

Responses

  • over 1 year ago

    RE: Online cheating

    Hi Get her on the computer and ask what this is and to explain it, to be honest its about all you can do for now, it may be just a bit of fantasizing with things she cant say to you.

    NOWHARD
      • over 1 year ago
        The hard part of confrontation is that I looked on her phone and saw it on her instagram. I did have a conversation with her about our relationship and how I feel that we have grown apart and I want us to work on it and fix it. That seems to have made her happy and she wants to work with me on our relationship. I did notice today that her pas code on her phone is changed today. So that makes me believe she knows she is hiding something. I plan on asking about her phone being locked today. I will see how it goes.
  • over 1 year ago

    RE: Online cheating

    For many people that would be called emotional cheating.
      • Yes, this is cheating. At least it is if you thinking of cheating as a betrayal of your relationship. As fcl said, you are describing emotional cheating. You may find it helpful to read my article, Which Kind of Infidelity Feels Worse?

        https://blogs.webmd.com/art-of-relationships/2015/09/which-kind-of-infidelity-feels-worse.html

        It sounds like she responded well to talking about how you want to improve things. So, it hopefully she will respond well to continuing in this direction. You can talk about your concerns and complaints from the perspective of caring and wanting things to be better. If your relationship is to improve, the two of you will need to work together over a number of conversations. Good luck and please feel free to reach back out as you work this through.
  • over 1 year ago

    RE: Online cheating

    Ask yourself, where is there a lacking of intimacy with the both of you? Sometimes couples allow work, kids, health, family, money, etc., issues intrude into the bedroom. Distance and separation begins long before things of this nature even begin. Ask yourself do you/we need help?
  • over 1 year ago

    RE: Online cheating

    I would consider it emotional cheating. I would make her unlock her accounts if she wants to continue having a relationship with you.
  • over 1 year ago

    RE: Online cheating

    No, it is NOT cheating in the normal meaning of the word. There is no physical contact nor does it appear it could happen. Your wife is lacking something in your sexual relationship. Whether the two of you can work this out by speaking frankly about what each of you want and/or need, or need a therapist is something only you two can determine. Whatever your wife is getting from a written sexual relationship is something she needs. I hope you can provide it. Otherwise, accept that she is getting a form of gratification from her correspondent. It is hardly any different from looking at porn. Take it from someone whose wife lacked libido throughout our 65+ years of marriage, one must get some satisfaction elsewhere and can without "cheating" without another physically.
      • over 1 year ago
        "It is hardly any different from looking at porn". I wonder if you were looking at lots of porn before the problem with your wife? That will completely turn a woman off for good especially if she's married to you. Porn eventually changes the man's personality and how they treat their wives (and I don't mean sexually). Their penis eventually turns to a weenie after their addiction begins. Please look at the thousands if not millions of wives on Cafemoms. That is where we all end up. My husband turned into a different man after he could get everything online. Most women marry men who they think will love them and share with them. When they find out that the man is sharing with others, most women are done. EX: I did not gain weight until my husband was heavily into porn, frequented dating sites, lots of 13 and 14 year old looking women. It made me hate the person I married. I had a very active sex life before I married him. He finally could not have sex with me for what the porn did to his brain. Then he finally told me that he was just not attracted to me anymore. After what he had been watching for years, I guess not.
      • over 1 year ago
        I guess you missed the "married for 65+ years of marriage" part. No I was not into porn (which was way harder to find in 1955) and I'm not into it now. And I had a typo in my last sentence, which should have ended, "with another physically".
  • over 1 year ago

    RE: Online cheating

    Talk to her! Have a honest open conversation about everything. If she loves you she will tell you the true. If she keeps hiding stuff - get out before you get hurt worse.
  • over 1 year ago

    RE: Online cheating

    YES SHE IS A CHEATER!!!!!
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      • 5 days ago
        Online chat or texting with outside is called cheating.. specially if they have significant other...
      • 5 days ago
        It's only cheating IF they have an SO. If they're single it's not cheating.
  • 4 months ago

    RE: Online cheating

    Hi. I just read your post and would like to voice my opinion. I believe this kind of thing is happening online A LOT! I play Words with Friends and have been “trolled” a lot by men requesting to play a game, but who really just want to strike up a conversation. Once I shut them down, they usually don’t even finish the game. The thing is, this is so stupid! Your wife has no way of knowing for certain that she’s communicating with who she thinks she is or even that he lives overseas! This kind of behavior is comparable to flirting. Except for the deception one could say, “No harm, no foul.” Except that’s not true now, is it? I’m sure you feel harmed by it. It’s tough to think that behind your back your wife can’t be trusted. If confronted by you, I’m sure she will defend herself with a myriad of excuses meant to diminish the importance or meaning of this. You haven’t indicated how old she is, but in my view this behavior is very immature and troubling. Sometimes when one is forced to view a loved one in a different light the shock and harm is irreversible. You begin to wonder if you ever really knew them and whether you’ve been played for a fool, etc. If I were you, I would confront her. How could you not? I’m not telling you to ruin your marriage, but righteous indignation is totally called for otherwise she will cease to respect you. Let her know how she’s hurt and disappointed you and harmed your trust in her. It’s likely she will turn the tables on you and blame you for it, perhaps claiming that you don’t give her enough attention. If she does this, don’t you dare own that because there are many, many women who feel their husbands don’t give them enough attention, but that’s no excuse to betray you this way. Hang tough and don’t be a pushover!
      • 4 months ago
        some silly men do not know how to treat or paying attention to his GF or wife. because of that women go after other men to find real love or intimacy. some men are kind of mama boy, those men never get peace with his GF or wife. Men should understand about his women needs and make them happy.