• 9 months ago

    Help with dating and relationships

    Ok.. so I will be 30 in April. I haven't ever been in an actual relationship. At least not where the other person openly said we were together. That's a story for another time. Him and I were off and on for 14 years. Anyway... over the past year since things ended with him, I have really tried to start dating. Most of the dates I have been on are from online dating sites. Unfortunately none of them have went very well. I regret this, but I have hooked up more in the past year than I ever thought I would. I always intended to not have sex until I was married and now, I have been with 6 guys and to me that seems like a lot. I am careful and use protection and I'm also on birth control. I know that hooking up isn't what I want, but it has happened. Any guy I have remotely been interested in disappears and thinks I'm crazy. I just get so excited and I bug them too much or tell them I like them and they go running for the hills. Here is my current dilemma. There is a guy who lives about 5 minutes from me and we have mutual friends. We had seen each other at a party a few times but never really talked. I messaged him on Facebook last summer and ended up going over to his house. We sat and talked for 2 hours, then ended up cuddling and fooling around. Well the *** hit the fan over the next few days. He's kind of a loner type and I guess I came on too strong. Long story short he said I was crazy and that he didn't trust me (Bc I had been venting to another mutual friend and she was upset with him and texted him) I was extremely upset obviously that she did that. Anyway... we stopped talking. A few months ago I saw that he was on a dating site I was on so I messaged him and said hey, I'm sorry about everything. I just want to make it right so things aren't awkward next time we inevitably have to see each other. After that we started texting some. We haven't seen each other since we started talking. He said he doesn't want to be friends with benefits with me because he still doesn't trust me. I just want to prove to him that he can. It was all just a huge misunderstanding. So over the past few months basically we argued every time we texted and finally he told me I texted him too much and he just doesn't like to be bugged. He is pretty much an ass. Well me being the person I am, I am bound and determined to get him to realize I'm not the person he thinks I am. So we keep talking and I've been cool with the texting. I think he may be coming over to dinner this week. I'm just not sure how to act or what the say or do. I don't want to break his trust and I want him to actually give us a chance. I'm not sure if he just wants sex or if he is interested in more. I don't want to scare him again, but at the same time, since every dating situation I have been in has been a complete disaster, I'm
    Not even sure where to start. I'm afraid if we fool around that's all it will ever be. I'm just not sure how to go about it. I just don't want him to have the impression he has of me that I'm untrustworthy in his head. Because I'm not. There is something about him and I felt like that first night we had a connection. I honestly think he got scared that night that it could be something real. I just don't want to ruin it again. Geez I'm sorry that is incredibly long. If you stuck with me on that I applaud you!

Responses

  • 9 months ago

    RE: Help with dating and relationships

    relax and be your self. give things time to do what they will you do not have to jump into the sack right off the bat either
  • RE: Help with dating and relationships

    In reading your story, I'm wondering whether you struggle with being insecure in your relationships (beyond this one) and so end up acting out that insecurity in ways that cause problems. If this is the case, it is an issue you will need to address to get and keep a happy, healthy, long term relationship.

    If you are just asking about meeting with the current guy, it can help to know that people do best when they are clear about what they want. This can help keep them from becoming overly concerned about the other person. They can focus on whether the person they are interested in is really what they want (paying close attention to what they say and how they express themselves). It can also guide how they act, sometimes helping to overrule what they are feeling in a given moment. For instance, if you want a long term relationship, then you might set some rules for yourself ahead of time about keeping a slower pace, both physically (e.g. only kissing on the first date) and with what you share emotionally.

    Good luck!
  • 8 months ago

    RE: Help with dating and relationships

    HI there,
    Believe it or not I can relate to the no actual relationship thing. The only one I had was abusive. But I would say that you don't need to prove anything to him. If he's annoyed by ur texting or saying that he doesnt trust you than that's his problem. You don't owe him anything.. Is he going to guarantee his trust to you? He's just using that as an excuse to turn things around and put the blame on you. I had similar thing happen to me and i'd say it's not worth the hassle. If things are this complicated already imagine how much they'd be long term. A relationship should just work. And also a guy will do the chasing if he really wants you, he wont make you prove yourself worthy. Best of Luck