• 10 months ago

    Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Hi Dr. Becker-Phelps,
    I will try to keep this concise as possible.
    I am 52 years old and I have been divorced twice. That's something that I am very ashamed of about myself. I consider myself to be a good, loving person but my marriages were both train wrecks. I won't get into whose fault it all was because at some point, both parties are at fault for a failed marriage.
    I haven't dated since my last divorce, 4 years ago. I just didn't want anything to do with a relationship and I also needed time to heal. However, now I feel ready to get back to dating. I enjoyed being married when times were good. I really want a woman in my life to share everything with and enjoy each other. I just don't know where to find women who are looking for men. I don't drink so I don't go to bars very often at all. Most of the women at bars are in their 20's anyway. I'm not sure if there are clubs that exist for the 40's and 50's crowd.
    So, where does a 52-year-old man go to find women of my generation who are also looking for a date/relationship? I have a lot to offer a woman and I believe in chivalry and romance. I have a good heart. I'm also completely honest at all times. I'm not trying to create some super persona who I am not.
    What are women of my generation looking for? Where do I go to meet these women where we both know that we are looking for a partner? I would love to have a woman to share this beautiful day with. But, where do I find her and how do I approach her?
    I could go on and on but that's really what I need help with. I don't know where to start.
    Thank You,
    Jim

Responses

  • 10 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Start with your local hiking/walking/nordic walking club. These places often have women who are looking for a new partner and think they'll find one there ... only to find there are none, only other women like themselves.

    You might also consider signing up for an art class. Their attendance tends to be predominantly female too.

    Take a good long look at what went wrong with your marriages and ask yourself if you didn't simply choose women who were not deeply compatible with you. If so, try to identify if there were common characteristics between your two exes and avoid getting involved with women who have those characteristics .

    And, above all, stop feeling ashamed about your divorces. They are in the past and were bumps in the road for you.They do not sum up your entire life.
  • 10 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Hi I would say 5 years either side of your age is your batting area? yes just think clubs but not disco clubs, the ones where us older guys and girls love to go to could be anything from a meditation group to flower arranging, cooking class's to yoga class's for older people rambling groups seem to attract us older ones who are healthy, some swimming pools have a time when older people can be there without young ones around, and early morning swimming attracts us older ones.

    Its something you really need to put your thinking cap on for, but if it means walking or swimming, are you up for that, how fit are you, if your not time to get out doing some walking and swimming.

    Its like get fit for life, your future love life, if your a little over weight time to think of losing some, all these things will help you.

    Good Hunting

    NOWHARD
  • RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Hi, Jim. I see you are getting some sound advice here. I hope it helps, and that you can find activities that interest you that you would be willing to pursue as a way of finding a match.

    While it's not helpful to feel ashamed about your divorces, it might help to think about what went wrong. Were there certain patterns in your marriages (as well as in other dating you might have done) that were problematic? Do you pick women who are unhealthy for you? Do you enact certain patterns that are a problem (e.g. being clingy, being too distant)? You might find it helpful to talk with someone you know and trust to help you gain some insights. The idea is not to just criticize yourself, but rather to look for ways to grow.

    I wish you well and look forward to hearing about how things go.
      • 10 months ago
        Try some of the dating sites....you will have to be patient but I have met some wonderful women on the sites...not all....but be patient.
      • 10 months ago
        I joined Match for over a year. I was told by friends that helped me that my pictures were fine and my profile was just fine. Plus, I'm an intelligent person. I can tell if I have written something stupid or offensive. While on Match, I contacted over 200 women. I did not get one single response from any of them...not one! I've been on free "dating" sites which are all full of scammers who live in Ghana and ask for money to help them eat. (I didn't send any money.) I have even tried Craigslist which is appears to be all for hookers. So, needless to say, I have given up on the online dating thing.
      • 10 months ago
        Thanks, but at this point, I don't see that I have much to offer a woman in a relationship anymore.
      • 10 months ago
        Hi Jim you have everything to offer to a women, its being in the right place at the right time, never put yourself down.

        Do the things two of have put forward as a way of finding a new love of your life.

        NOWHARD
      • I can understand your sense of wanting to give up. And maybe you need to take a break from giving it such intense focus. Because trying to find a special someone can be so difficult, many people find it helpful to sometimes take a break and focus on other things in their lives that feel good. Once they feel a bit revived and stronger, they jump (or wade) back in.

        It's important not to confuse failing to get a response with meaning that you have nothing to offer. They are two very different things. And when you find yourself falling into that negative place about yourself, it can help to recognize it and then choose to refocus. You may want to notice traits or accomplishments that you feel good about. Make note of good friendships you have or have had in your life. The idea is to be attuned to the value of you.

        As I wrote before, in terms of an intimate relationship, you may want to look back at your marriages to see if you can learn something about yourself from them. (See my comment above)

        I hope you rediscover your positive feelings about yourself soon; and that you are successful in your efforts at finding someone special after you get your next wind in the search for someone special.
  • 10 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Jim- Try Senior Dating site. Don't know how old you are but it works for some
  • 10 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    I totally understand what are you talking about. My situation is different but have same issue. How to find someone to share life? I'm currently separated, my husband hit middle age crises and left 28 year long marriage without any reason... I thought we had good marriage. I'm first time in my life living alone. I would like to get explanation but he never talks to me. I tried texting him couple times to give him chance to fix what he broke, but no answer. Right now I see I need to divorce him. He even left the country, went back to our home country to live with his mother. He is 57 and I am 49. I still live life as if I'm married, don't go anywhere or do anything... I don't know where to start... 28 years is very long time to live with someone. It is hard to meet people. As you said, where??? I wish you luck and if you find the answer let me know...
      • 10 months ago
        Well Jim we may have a match for you both, here on WebMD, you just need to find a way you can get in touch that's off the boards.

        Try asking the mods if they can pass on a message, email them and ask.

        NOWHARD
  • 9 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Hi there! I don’t have anything specific to 50+ dating, but you might appreciate the below:

    http://wb.md/2DgsHRZ

    http://wb.md/23v0cIp

    http://wb.md/2c8mtGj

    http://wb.md/2Bmzdts
  • 9 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Have you considered running for Congress? I hear that's a good place for middle age men to meet women.
  • 9 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Hi Jim, Don't get too frustrated. It's hard to meet quality people out there. I have been divorced for 10 years and never thought I would be single this long. I have had plenty of people, both men and women, tell me they don't understand why. Don't get me wrong, I've had a couple relationships during those 10 years. I was even engaged but he then he broke it off. I am either meeting people who don't want anything serious or people who want me to take care of them. I have the added pressure of trying to find someone with the same values I do. I am a Christian and want to find a loving Christian man. Besides church where do you meet them?

    If you decide to take the advice of some of the posters about going and doing some of the things where women might be, I have a suggestion. Make sure it's an activity you like because if you meet someone there, they are most likely going to expect you to keep doing the activity with them. I would hate for it to back fire on you.

    I wish you the best and I know there is someone out there for you. Sometimes we meet them when we least expect it. You never know who is around the next corner.
      • 9 months ago
        The problem with only dating Christians is that you not only rule out non-Christians, you rule out Christians who are against religious bigotry.
  • 9 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Jim, try meetups.com. They have all types of groups who meet for all different types of activities. Find something you like and enjoy then see who else is there enjoying the same thing. Since things are done in a group, it may be easier for you. Best of luck...
      • 6 months ago
        Meet up groups are great. Meetups.com./ After my husband passed away I joined some meet up groups. I was into line dance but decided to take some WCS/ AZ Two step classes. Met a lot of nice people. Also got involved in playing darts in one of the groups. I had no trouble attracting men. I just wanted to get out a about more. Went out on many dates. Don’t want to get married again. My marriage was the best. Presently living with a fine widowed man who I have known for many years. I knew his wife, he knew my husband. We are great friends and roommates. It works for us. We do things together, but I have my own life and he has his. Give yourself time. It’s not the end of the world to stay single.
  • 9 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    If you lived closer to Colorado I would date you! We are close in age, our history is too similar, and our current situations/characteristics alike ( though I consider the past issues learning experiences to make the future better). I never tried online dating, but I can tell from what you wrote and your responses that you have plenty to offer the right person! Never give up and stay positive.
  • 6 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    HEY, DR. BECKER-PHELPS...

    I DECIDED TO START HAVING MORE SEX AFTER 50 WHEN I READ AN ARTICLE IN THE MIAMI HERALD ABOUT A 10-YEAR STUDY CONDUCTED BY BRISTOL UNIVERSITY IN ENGLAND. THE HEADLINE WAS: "MEN WHO GET MORE SEX LIVE LONGER"!!

    AFTER TEN YEARS, THEY FOUND THAT: MEN WHO HAD SEX TWICE A WEEK OR MORE ("HIGH ORGASMIC FREQUENCY") HAD A 50% LOWER MORTALITY RATE THAN MEN HAVING SEX ONLY ONCE A MONTH OR LESS!!

    WELL, DOCTOR, I WAS INSPIRED!! SO... I STARTED TRYING TO MEET WOMEN BY ASKING FOR THEIR PHONE NUMBER. UNFORTUNATELY, THAT DIDN'T WORK TOO WELL. SO, I HAD MY NAME & NUMBER PRINTED ON BUSINESS CARDS & MADE COPIES OF THE ARTICLE & STARTED GIVING THEM TO LADIES — AFTER FIRST PAYING THEM A COMPLIMENT!!

    WELL, DOCTOR, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY, BUT FOR SOME REASON WHITE WOMEN NEVER CALLED; BUT BLACK WOMEN DID!! HEY, THAT WORKED FOR ME!!

    WITHIN A FEW MONTHS, I HAD SEVERAL "GIRLFRIENDS" COMING TO VISIT TWICE A WEEK OR MORE TO GIVE ME SOME GREAT CARDIO EXERCISE!! NATURALLY, I GAVE THEM 25$ OR 30$ TO GO SHOPPING AFTERWARDS!! THINGS EVEN BETTER: I WAS GETTING SOCIAL SECURITY MONTHLY PLUS HAD STARTED EARNING EXTRA $$$ FROM "MYSTERY SHOPPING." SO, I TOOK INITIATIVE OF INVITING TWO LADIES AT THE SAME TIME!! TO MY PLEASANT SURPRISE, THEY OFTEN AGREED!! I EVEN KEPT WRITTEN RECORDS (AND STILL DO).

    WELL, DOCTOR... IT'S BEEN QUITE A FEW YEARS. I'M NOW 71 & STILL AT IT!! IN FACT, I SET A RECORD IN MARCH 2018: 19 TIMES IN ONE MONTH!! BY THE WAY: ONE OF MY "GIRLFRIENDS" WEIGHS MORE THAN 300 POUNDS!! SHE REALLY GIVES ME GREAT CARDIO EXERCISE!! HA, HA, HA!!

    SO... MY ADVICE TO MEN WHO WANT TO LIVE LONGER IS: GET SOME BUSINESS CARDS & START HANDING THEM OUT TO WOMEN. ONE MORE THING: I HAD HEART BYPASS SURGERY A FEW YEARS AGO & I'M TOTALLY HONEST WITH WOMEN I MEET BY TELLING THEM ABOUT THE OTHER LADIES & THAT MY DOCTOR ORDERED ME TO HAVE AS MUCH "CARDIO" EXERCISE AS POSSIBLE!!

    ALF
      • 6 months ago
        Hi Jim ~ My wife of 34 years, died in March of 2014. I was 75 years old at that time. Three months later, I met a real fine lady my age on DateHookup.com and we were married in March of 2015. We have a wonderful marriage and we are both very happy. Don't give up. There is someone out there for you.
      • 6 months ago
        Hi Alf your a martye to men looking for sexual relationships, you just keep it up, in more ways than one, I'm coming to 71 this year an on a good month average 15 to 18 times a month with my wife, we have a had a very good sexual life together in 48 years of marriage.

        And like me get yourself a Bathmate, a great way of improving your penis, to keep it young and healthy, use some coconut oil on it daily to keep its skin nice a supple.

        NOWHARD
  • 6 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    I was married for 32 years when we divorced 4 years ago. I’m 55 now and am not into the bar scene either. I agree with the advice of joining some Meetup.com groups. I have met some wonderful people and made many friends when I needed them the most. Kayaking, hiking, dinner/movie night, baseball games, picnics, wine enthusiasts, travel, and scuba diving are some of the activities I’m in involved in. I was told to stop looking and “let it happen naturally” and I’m a lot less stressed about dating now.
      • 5 months ago
        I agree with what u have said and done, there is a fine line tho, sometimes ppl in that situation replace looking for a partner, with the sports u have taken up. I've seen this happen.
  • 5 months ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    I totally agree with the first reply, dating sites r questionable, however that's from a females point of view. My last boyfriend was 20yrs younger than me, he was more mature than all men I've known.I had 2 end it he said it didn't bother him if he had no kids, he was an only child I cudnt Rob her of grandchildren. So i had 2 end it, he has since had a child. I'm pleased I did the right thing.