• 20 days ago

    Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Hi Dr. Becker-Phelps,
    I will try to keep this concise as possible.
    I am 52 years old and I have been divorced twice. That's something that I am very ashamed of about myself. I consider myself to be a good, loving person but my marriages were both train wrecks. I won't get into whose fault it all was because at some point, both parties are at fault for a failed marriage.
    I haven't dated since my last divorce, 4 years ago. I just didn't want anything to do with a relationship and I also needed time to heal. However, now I feel ready to get back to dating. I enjoyed being married when times were good. I really want a woman in my life to share everything with and enjoy each other. I just don't know where to find women who are looking for men. I don't drink so I don't go to bars very often at all. Most of the women at bars are in their 20's anyway. I'm not sure if there are clubs that exist for the 40's and 50's crowd.
    So, where does a 52-year-old man go to find women of my generation who are also looking for a date/relationship? I have a lot to offer a woman and I believe in chivalry and romance. I have a good heart. I'm also completely honest at all times. I'm not trying to create some super persona who I am not.
    What are women of my generation looking for? Where do I go to meet these women where we both know that we are looking for a partner? I would love to have a woman to share this beautiful day with. But, where do I find her and how do I approach her?
    I could go on and on but that's really what I need help with. I don't know where to start.
    Thank You,


  • 20 days ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Start with your local hiking/walking/nordic walking club. These places often have women who are looking for a new partner and think they'll find one there ... only to find there are none, only other women like themselves.

    You might also consider signing up for an art class. Their attendance tends to be predominantly female too.

    Take a good long look at what went wrong with your marriages and ask yourself if you didn't simply choose women who were not deeply compatible with you. If so, try to identify if there were common characteristics between your two exes and avoid getting involved with women who have those characteristics .

    And, above all, stop feeling ashamed about your divorces. They are in the past and were bumps in the road for you.They do not sum up your entire life.
  • 20 days ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Hi I would say 5 years either side of your age is your batting area? yes just think clubs but not disco clubs, the ones where us older guys and girls love to go to could be anything from a meditation group to flower arranging, cooking class's to yoga class's for older people rambling groups seem to attract us older ones who are healthy, some swimming pools have a time when older people can be there without young ones around, and early morning swimming attracts us older ones.

    Its something you really need to put your thinking cap on for, but if it means walking or swimming, are you up for that, how fit are you, if your not time to get out doing some walking and swimming.

    Its like get fit for life, your future love life, if your a little over weight time to think of losing some, all these things will help you.

    Good Hunting

  • RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Hi, Jim. I see you are getting some sound advice here. I hope it helps, and that you can find activities that interest you that you would be willing to pursue as a way of finding a match.

    While it's not helpful to feel ashamed about your divorces, it might help to think about what went wrong. Were there certain patterns in your marriages (as well as in other dating you might have done) that were problematic? Do you pick women who are unhealthy for you? Do you enact certain patterns that are a problem (e.g. being clingy, being too distant)? You might find it helpful to talk with someone you know and trust to help you gain some insights. The idea is not to just criticize yourself, but rather to look for ways to grow.

    I wish you well and look forward to hearing about how things go.
      • 16 days ago
        Try some of the dating sites....you will have to be patient but I have met some wonderful women on the sites...not all....but be patient.
      • 13 days ago
        I joined Match for over a year. I was told by friends that helped me that my pictures were fine and my profile was just fine. Plus, I'm an intelligent person. I can tell if I have written something stupid or offensive. While on Match, I contacted over 200 women. I did not get one single response from any of them...not one! I've been on free "dating" sites which are all full of scammers who live in Ghana and ask for money to help them eat. (I didn't send any money.) I have even tried Craigslist which is appears to be all for hookers. So, needless to say, I have given up on the online dating thing.
      • 13 days ago
        Thanks, but at this point, I don't see that I have much to offer a woman in a relationship anymore.
      • 13 days ago
        Hi Jim you have everything to offer to a women, its being in the right place at the right time, never put yourself down.

        Do the things two of have put forward as a way of finding a new love of your life.

      • I can understand your sense of wanting to give up. And maybe you need to take a break from giving it such intense focus. Because trying to find a special someone can be so difficult, many people find it helpful to sometimes take a break and focus on other things in their lives that feel good. Once they feel a bit revived and stronger, they jump (or wade) back in.

        It's important not to confuse failing to get a response with meaning that you have nothing to offer. They are two very different things. And when you find yourself falling into that negative place about yourself, it can help to recognize it and then choose to refocus. You may want to notice traits or accomplishments that you feel good about. Make note of good friendships you have or have had in your life. The idea is to be attuned to the value of you.

        As I wrote before, in terms of an intimate relationship, you may want to look back at your marriages to see if you can learn something about yourself from them. (See my comment above)

        I hope you rediscover your positive feelings about yourself soon; and that you are successful in your efforts at finding someone special after you get your next wind in the search for someone special.
  • 15 days ago
  • 10 days ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    Jim- Try Senior Dating site. Don't know how old you are but it works for some
  • 10 days ago

    RE: Getting Back to Dating Over 50

    I totally understand what are you talking about. My situation is different but have same issue. How to find someone to share life? I'm currently separated, my husband hit middle age crises and left 28 year long marriage without any reason... I thought we had good marriage. I'm first time in my life living alone. I would like to get explanation but he never talks to me. I tried texting him couple times to give him chance to fix what he broke, but no answer. Right now I see I need to divorce him. He even left the country, went back to our home country to live with his mother. He is 57 and I am 49. I still live life as if I'm married, don't go anywhere or do anything... I don't know where to start... 28 years is very long time to live with someone. It is hard to meet people. As you said, where??? I wish you luck and if you find the answer let me know...
      • 10 days ago
        Well Jim we may have a match for you both, here on WebMD, you just need to find a way you can get in touch that's off the boards.

        Try asking the mods if they can pass on a message, email them and ask.