• 6 months ago

    Desperate for answers.

    I'm a 43 year old mom in Texas. I'm one of those women who have worshiped males all her life since I was a little girl, and I honestly don't want to be judged for that here.

    I took an antidepressant medication since the age of 16. I did not have a happy childhood and I've had a lot of abuse of various kinds in my past.

    I probably am bipolar. I don't get the lows anymore... I'm usually running on a considerable jolt of hyped energy and passion... I'm that mad artist personality perhaps. I love writing, I have almost a degree in English literature and creative writing and music composition and theory and mortuary science.

    I've also honestly worked in the adult industry. I've been pulled to males all my life and honestly don't want to change.

    I'm filled with rage at that doctor. At 16 I had no body fat barely and worked out. I got on Paxil... I gained so much weight over the years and I had a raging appetite. He never once in all our years of therapy said the medication is making you hungry.

    I have a hernia now from those decades of being overweight. I kicked Paxil a year ago when my mom passed away. I've lost almost a hundred pounds but it's still not enough.

    I cry every night. I'm honestly crying right now. I'm 43 now, and in the USA that's pretty much the age when a woman is done for. I'm not ready for my life with males to be over yet. I missed out finding someone who would desire me on a perhaps at least semi permanent basis from being so heavy.

    I've never experienced such horrible unending psychological trauma as this. I write a lot of poetry... I once said something akin to there is no hell like being a woman and not being beautiful. I'm sorry and I'm only talking as a straight woman here (and I'm famous for being a staunch supporter of LGBT rights and my belief that all sexualities and genders are beautiful and necessary and profound), but if you're a straight woman your main purpose in life is to be attractive to males. I won't let up on that. Even that doctor I saw in my youth was a Freudian analyst and he himself asserted men are biologically career driven and women are driven to find the perfect mate.

    I'm tempted to break down and post a full body somewhere, which makes me want to cry harder because that phrase has haunted me for years. Men want what they want and they're built a certain way biologically and physically and it's just the way it is, and I honestly adore men and I can't give up on my dream of being beautiful someday even though I'm out of time.

    My insurance would pay for hernia repair I think but of course not cosmetic reconstructive surgery.

    I'm lost and depressed and hopeless and I feel like it's perfectly understandable that I am. I guess I'm sorry if I step on any toes but I do wish everyone a wonderful evening and hope you're doing great. Thanks for allowing me to express myself here.


  • 6 months ago

    RE: Desperate for answers.

    Hi, so where do I start? I guess the issue is 1) you have a hernia now from those decades of being overweight; and 2) wanting to still find a male companion either in a semi-permanent or permanent arrangement.

    You had mentioned that you are 43 yo now, and in the USA that's pretty much the age when a woman is done for. I'm not ready for my life with males to be over yet. I missed out finding someone who would desire me on a perhaps at least semi permanent basis from being so heavy.

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I shouldn't think that your weight is the issue but that you are entering a different stage of life & are having a hard time adjusting to it perhaps? As we people get older, there are a lot of changes that go on which we seem to not understand ie: menopause, children moving out of home; separation/divorce; sexual behaviour; our employment prospects diminish due to age & the younger generation etc, etc, the list goes on

    I would have a talk with my GP/Doctor &/or getting a 2nd & 3rd opinion to speak with a therapist to discuss this further.

    Hope this help & sorry if I have stepped on your toes &/or offended anyone by my posting
  • 6 months ago

    RE: Desperate for answers.

    Hi Just a quick start for you43 is just a number, I don't go on that to me I'm over 21 but not saying what, so anytime some asks your age say that 21 and a bit, always keep feeling young and not old, old people sit around and fart a lot.

    You have go top get out and do things don't just sit around waiting for it to happen, go to this site www.pegym.com your find if you look down the forums there one for women, become one of the women amongst all us men, your have a good laugh if nothing else and perhaps your get some ideas.

      • 6 months ago
        Lol thanks baby. I'm trying to behave on this site. I appreciate your response and I hope you have a great night and I'll definitely check it out.
  • RE: Desperate for answers.

    You are definitely not done at 43, you look great! It's all about what attracts someone. You are beautiful and many many men would be falling all over themselves to get a date. You have plenty of time, life is about a series of experiences and ultimately it leads to having and meeting many people who may or may not end up being a relationship. Again keep your chin up, you are stunning and sexy.