• 2 months ago

    Cannot climax

    I am a healthy male with no ED issues. I just can't climax but can otherwise perform. I am curious how single women looking for a man would feel about this. Is it a deal breaker? Would you prefer to be told very early on or down the road after being sexual?

Responses

  • RE: Cannot climax

    I'm sure this is a sensitive subject for you, so I'm wondering if you have considered seeking professional help. You might see your doctor. Or if you know you are healthy, you might consider seeing a therapist (if this has not always been an issue, you might explore a psychological cause and solution) or a sex therapist (to focus on more the sexual problem, though they will likely also address psychological aspects of the problem, too).

    In any case, I think the answer to your question is that how much this would bother a woman would depend on the woman. It may be a deal-breaker for some; others might be okay with it; and others might want to work on the issue with you (even if it means seeing a sex therapist together). And as for when to bring up the topic, it's not exactly first date material, but you also probably don't want to wait until you are having sex. At some point, as the relationship turns physical, you will want to discuss the subject with her.
      • 2 months ago
        Thank your reply. I have seen a sex therapist and she has been unable to help. Of course it doesn't help that sex is pretty rare for me. I don't get to work on it very much. I think there could be two components to it. One is physical. I had to spend most of my life having solo sex. My mind and body are not used to the real thing. In solo sex there is no performance anxiety, time constraints, etc. My libido was driven more by stress than arousal caused by a real woman. I never had to learn how to initiate sex or get a woman in the mood. It's simple. However done too long it can ingrain some habits and feelings hard to duplicate with a real partner. It could be I am somewhat desensitized. I also have had testosterone levels that have been up and down. I am getting two testosterone pellets inserted in 2 days to see if that method of delivery works better for me. Psychologically I just don't feel comfortable having sex. I just don't get aroused during sex. It's a strange feeling. My partner may be having a great time and are greatly aroused yet I am feeling nothing. I'm erect but really don't feel very aroused. I am just going through the motions for my partner's sake. I guess the truth is I'd rather just masturbate when I feel the need and not bother with partner sex. I love the *idea* of partner sex but when it comes down to doing it my mind and body just turn off. I can get erect but it never builds from there. I don't get emotionally involved. I stay very calm and don't feel anything special during intercourse. It's a non-event. Makes me not want to even date. It's just too strange for most women to handle. They might be ok with me not climaxing but they would likely be uncomfortable if I can during masturbation but not with them.
      • I'm wondering what the sex therapist's feedback was. Given that this is her or his area of expertise and they have had a chance to go in depth with you about the problem, I'm wondering what s/he said and what your general experience was with that therapy.
      • 2 months ago
        Hi After reading down your second post, go have a read up about being asexual, as its seems your just going through the act to please your wife.

        Go have a good read up about being asexual, I think your see you match up.

        NOWHARD
      • 2 months ago
        At first my therapist suggested things like "being in the moment" (i.e. trying to clear my mind of all distractions and just experience the moment). That did not help. She suggested not focusing on the outcome but just enjoying the process. That I could do but ran into a couple of partners (over time) who didn't like it that I never climaxed. They felt it took the fun out of it for them. That is part of the problem. I am ok with nothing happening. I can still enjoy being close physically but for some women if I don't climax then to them it was a waste of time. One asked "what's the point" and another said she could accomplish just as much with a vibrator. Not the nicest way to handle it but I can understand that for some it does detract from the experience. It takes me a long time and it's nearly impossible to stay aroused that long. Maybe too many years of solo sex has conditioned me to take longer. Very possible. I've tried avoiding that but even after 3 months of no self-sex nothing changed and in the meantime I'm crawling up the walls.
      • 2 months ago
        sorry to hear you have problems ,,I also have problems having an orgasam or climaxing ,,just takes me lil longer mostly especially if theres not much or no forplay and kissing ,,,myself and spouse are kinda mismatched ,,he hasn't wanted to be intimate with me for about two years or so and it really hurts to feel rejected all time ,,he was gona finally agree to do something for special ocation but now he cdnt get hard barely and not stay hard very long ,,,sad I am
      • 2 months ago
        maybe they took it personally feeling like its their fault that you couldn't
      • 2 months ago
        do you know any idea why you don't feel anything during real sex w partner have you asked the therapist about that part of it
      • 2 months ago
        I really tried to pin my therapist down today. Her bottom line is that I have a long list of issues weighing against climaxing: religious beliefs, conditioning from solo sex, lack of enjoyment from sex, inability to form close attachments, performance anxiety, and low testosterone. She seemed to hold out the most hope for the physical meaning if I benefit from the testosterone pellets maybe that will help enough for some other things to fall into place. I reminder her though that I've felt like this even when my testosterone was fairly high. She then just said it was a bad deal all around and had no answer. I must agree it is complicated and multiple issues would have to resolve for me to have any hope of success and that seems like a very long shot.
      • 2 months ago
        perhaps you should try couseling to see if it helped at all
      • 2 months ago
        if you don't enjoy the sex with partner and don't have feelings for it or during it why bother to have a mate ,,,just curious,, if you prefer to do it alone anyway
      • 2 months ago
        sorry you have problem ,,,hope things get better for you and someone
      • 2 months ago
        I would prefer a partner but assume I could receive pleasure that way.
  • 2 months ago

    RE: Cannot climax

    Hi You talking about a body shaking orgasm, or ejaculations?

    Just the same as women not all men get an orgasm, that's a fact of life.

    Now if your not ejaculating but feel it happening and nothing comes out then that could be a retrograde ejaculation, means your seamen goes backwards into your bladder, you can tell if you see it in your urine, if that is it then I think your find there is no cure for it. OK

    NOWHARD
      • 2 months ago
        I am not having retrograde ejaculation. I don't ejaculate at all. I can at times alone but rarely during sex.
      • 2 months ago
        I'm female I have hard time climaxing as ive became lil older in my 40s
      • 2 months ago
        do you think its your partner that your not sexually matched well with or strickly you
      • 2 months ago
        A more patient partner and one willing to work with me would of course help but it may tax their patience more than they care for.
  • 2 months ago

    RE: Cannot climax

    wdnt see as problem I don't think to most women
      • 2 months ago
        I have run into a number of women for whom it is a problem.
      • 2 months ago
        Not being able to climax, is quite common in women, but some find out its not them but the way there going about there sexual life, and for others they will never have one, but this guy like some others now on site are just not getting any sexual feeling even if they can orgasm.

        To anyone here not getting a feeling or feelings when it comes to the sexual side of life, just google asexual, your find it all very interesting.

        NOWHARD
      • 2 months ago
        I don't see myself as asexual. I still fantasize about it, find some women very sexually thrilling, and can enjoy the act of sex but that enjoyment often gets overshadowed by the foreknowledge that I may not climax. I'm not as sensitive down there as I used to be but I am older, on anti-anxiety meds, and have low-T. While I may never find sex to be some mind blowing activity that doesn't mean I can't enjoy it. I am sure if I could climax my enjoyment would be much higher. There are times I feel like I might be able to climax then the feeling fades. Plus when it takes you 30+ minutes to climax it's hard for anyone to maintain a high level of arousal for that long. Most people don't need to stay aroused for that long.
      • 2 months ago
        Hi so we are getting close then anxiety meds are sex killers, look go read up about meditation and anxiety, if fact google anxiety and meditation, your find the Mayo Clinic rates it as a good tool for anxiety because its drug free, anything that is drug free is the way to go.

        If you think its you and would be best for you, see your doctor tell him/her want your going to do and ask to be waned off them.

        See if you can find a local group who can help get you started into the ways and art of meditation. OK

        NOWHARD
      • 2 months ago
        The anxiety med I am on is supposed to have a very low incident of sexual side effects. Yes it could still be a culprit. I've tried some meditation. The problem is I'd have to be doing it a LOT. I don't have time to meditate that much. Might not work that effectively. I think it depends on the source of your anxiety.
      • 2 months ago
        This would really depend how you value your sex life as a part of your life, for me its been a 3 to 4 times a week couple, even now being in our 70's its important, if you want that kind of sex life then you need to find that time daily.

        All we can do on here advise you, its really up to you at the end of the day. OK

        NOWHARD
      • 1 month ago
        I appreciate all the advice. If I can eventually find a way off the meds I will and no doubt that will make a difference. I think the meds have stunted my emotions some so good or bad I don't desire as much the things the medication has prevented me from enjoying. Having sex is not important when you have no libido. It's been an issue only because it has affected some past relationships however now I'm not feeling that much like being in a relationship. So it may not be an ongoing issue. Time will tell.
      • My guess is that your therapist is thinking that being on testosterone won't fix the problem, but will allow you to at least get some traction as you begin to address the other problems. Even so, it does sound like a complicated issue for you. And given that one of the issues is difficulty forming close attachments, it makes sense that you have had trouble finding someone who would be supportive of you and your struggles in this. One way through might be to work on the emotional intimacy issue enough to form an emotionally intimate relationship. You might begin with friendships if you have trouble there, too -- and many people find that allowing themselves to fully open emotionally with their therapist can be very helpful in this area. Then you might eventually find yourself in an intimate relationship with someone who can accept you as you are, which would take away some the the sexual pressures you've been feeling. Add in the testosterone and addressing some of the other issues; and maybe together you could find the progress you are looking for. I know this is a lot, but with persistence, time, a willingness to face your difficulties, and good guidance, there is hope.
      • 1 month ago
        Hi Anytime you want to be with a woman and sex rears its head then your problem is an ongoing problem, its something you really do need to sort out so when does rear its head your ready for it.

        Just how often do you masturbate, as men we all masturbate even if were having a good sex life, its just something we do, but its not just men, women do it as well, its like keeping your finger on the pulse, it all helps.

        When you masturbate do you use a very strong grip, its what we call the grip of death, see a vagina cant replicate that kind of grip a vagina is soft and gentle, so when we masturbate it needs to be just like that
        So you need to use a feather light touch add some baby oil and it then feels so like a vagina.
        If that's right then masturbating with a feather light touch will take some time as its a complete change over, but your get there.

        NOWHARD
      • 1 month ago
        In the past I used a loose sleeve for that very reason with a lot of lube. Now that I am on Cymbalta though I cannot climax at all. I don't even get close. Before Cymbalta I had success most of the time but not always. So this is much worse. I've been on it for over a month now so not optimistic my body will adjust to it. It's working well for my mood though and it's such a pain to swtich meds...
      • 1 month ago
        Sage advice but I feel the mountain is too high to climb. If I can be at peace without a close relationship then I think that would be preferable. I have had close friends including women friends I could really open up with and be emotional with yet it did not change my overall desire for a relationship. I think I've grown used to flying solo and while having company on occasion would be nice probably not often enough to make a relationship work. Maybe best to accept I am this way and quit worrying about it.
  • 1 month ago

    RE: Cannot climax

    I had the same problem in addition to ED. For ED I have to give myself injections. But my doctor put me on a prescription of Cabergoline to promote orgasams and it is working. Look at Cabergoline on line and it says that it is effective about 60% of the men who took it. I might add also that I am 78 years young.
  • 1 month ago

    RE: Cannot climax

    I have the same problem...you are not alone.
  • 1 month ago

    RE: Cannot climax

    Whether admittedly or not, are you addicted to pornography?