• 9 days ago

    Am I In a Codependent Relationship?

    My happiness rides completely on whether my boyfriend is in a good mood. When he's in a good mood, is affectionate and loving, and is warm and intimate with me then all is OK in the world. When he's cold and withholding, I find it hard to function. I've sacrificed tens of thousands of dollars of money I don't have trying to make him happy, when I'm at the grocery store I buy items that he would like in plans to cook them for him (We've made plans and I've spent money and time cooking a meal for him, for him to either arrive late or start a fight and not show up), I don't do things I know he wouldn't like for me to do, and accept the fact that whenever I have emotions or feelings, he will never validate them and makes me feel like *** for having them. So I am constantly bending and bending and bending and I surround my life around him for him to not only appreciate it but for him to flip the script of EVERYTHING on me. I'm always to blame and my needs are never met. I DO ALL of these things for him and he then tells me "He's not 100% content with me." I feel like I'm almost being hazed. WTF is going on here.

Responses

  • 9 days ago

    RE: Am I In a Codependent Relationship?

    Hi Save your money and move on, he will not change. OK

    NOWHARD
      • 3 days ago
        You need to remember that it is not anyone's responsibility to make you happy. It is your responsibility to find happiness. I love my husband, we have no sex anymore, but I am not going to cast him away. I enjoy my time with him, but I also build a life for myself as if I were single. There will be no regrets. I do the things I want to do, but I also give him respect and cater to him.
  • 8 days ago

    RE: Am I In a Codependent Relationship?

    DUMP THE LOSER the next step the beatings don't say he won't abuse me because honey he already has
  • 8 days ago

    RE: Am I In a Codependent Relationship?

    Explain to me why you would bend over backwards to make someone happy when that someone doesn't give a whit about you?

    Move on and chalk this up to experience. Raise your standards when choosing men because you are worth so much more than this.
  • 4 days ago

    RE: Am I In a Codependent Relationship?

    Are you in a "codependent relationship?" No. He isn't dependent on you at all. Are you dependent on him? Totally. Why would you want such a one sided relationship? You sound like a loving, generous person. Find someone worthy, because eventually he is going to leave you anyway because he isn't "100%" content with you and someone new will meet his needs better-or so he'll tell you.
  • RE: Am I In a Codependent Relationship?

    It sounds you have lost yourself in trying to please him; and that you struggle with feeling like you need to earn his attention, affection, love. You might find it helpful to think about how you connect with other people in general and how you feel about (or connect with) yourself. These are the basis for people's attachment styles, which you can read more about in my article: Learning Your Attachment Style Can Light Up Your Life. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/making-change/201105/learning-your-attachment-style-can-light-your-life

    Please let me know if this is helpful, how it is helpful, and whether there is more we can do to support you in feeling better about yourself and in nurturing a healthier relationship.
  • RE: Am I In a Codependent Relationship?

    Babes its not your duty to liven up his life where you see fit - stop making this your goal - I used to be like you before and for a long time I was a people pleaser - I like the post below where they ask you if you are like that with people in general - there is nothing wrong with being nice and caring but there is something wrong if you do it all alone in a relationship - its easier said than done when we say leave him BUT put yourself to the test - ask yourself - what am I afraid of - are you scared he will leave you if you stopped those things because what you are doing is way more than what his own mother would do for him - start small - stop little by little and check whether this relationship is worth keeping - the thing is no matter what you do will change him so girlfriend I would say work fist on yourself - get therapy - read the bible and books about self worth - normally there are underlying problems to our behaviors - I feel for you but just try and stop and see what happens - face your fear and remember that no one will love you unless you love yourself - if you are walkover and allow people to treat you that way you will never know your true capabilities/you are more than capable of seeing him for who he really is and stop making excuses for him - love yourself and nurture yourself first so that when you start showing concern for other people it will be from a healthy space, no motives - for now you have motives - ask yourself what is it you really fear - I feared rejection due to past issues so for me to be certain someone wanted me it be a friend or boyfriend - I overdid this - is not necessary - he is not being mean - he has told you how he feels - atleast he was honest - start being honest to yourself too.