• 13 days ago

    Sex problems

    I have been in a relationship with a man for 8 years, we are both over 50, he has no interest in sex at all, we live together now, it has been nearly 2 years since our last sex, I am always the one to instigate it, and I get a lot of refusals, what's the deal ?

Responses

  • RE: Sex problems

    The only one who can answer that definitively is your partner. Have you asked him? This can be a difficult conversation to have, so it can be important to be gentle and persistent while also picking calm times when he's more likely to talk.
      • 13 days ago
        Thanks for replying, I have been given multipltle reason, can't be bother, we don't need to do that at our age, belly ache, headache, too tired, what's the point, the list goes on, he once said I'm not sexually attractive, don't do anything for him, I think I may have just answered my own question.
  • RE: Sex problems

    It sounds like depression to me. Giving him a nice shoulder rub will hopefully do wonders for getting him mentally and physically ready for sex. Good luck.
      • 13 days ago
        Thanks for the suggestion, I had thought of depression, but I have depression and anxiety, it dusnt affect my libido, but I suppose it affects people different ways, I have tried all sorts of body rubs, especially when he is asleep to get him at his most relaxed, and to catch him off guard and without pressure, even if he gets an erection, he just rolls over and continues to sleep, I think a lot of his problem is performance anxiety, I have no idea how to overcome this, have tried Viagra, to no avail.
      • Hmm, the "what's the point?" answer caused me to think of depression. The part about that "he doesn't find you attractive" makes me think that he is angry with you for something. That may take some digging. I'm sure that that must hurt your feelings. My roomy told me that since she went through menopause that he had no libido. That too was a rejection of me. Have you thought about going on an adult website such as adultfriendfinder.com, and meeting a man for a purely sexual hookup (if that's what you want)? That's what I did, and it helped my feeling of self-confidence greatly. Of course my roomie was upset at that, but I spelled it out for her: "You don't want sex with me (or anyone else), so I looked for it elsewhere". Hopefully these thought help.
      • 12 days ago
        Yes I have thought of having purely sexual flings, and have had quite a few, certainly does make you feel better about yourself, and relieves a lot of stress, just thought it would be nice to have sex with the man I'm in love with, and live with, he would be angry if he found out and would leave, but what is a woman to do ?
      • You did exactly what you needed to do, just as I did what I needed to do. For what it's worth, I have had problems keeping an erection - that's part of life for us older men, and it is very frustrating. You would think that he would have shared that anxiety with you, the woman he loves (at least I think he loves you), and it's a shame that he didn't. All I can say is keep having flings to take the edge off, and keep your self-esteem up, and I will do the same. Hang in there and take care.
      • If you have not tried telling him how it makes you feel, you may find that helpful. He most likely won't spontaneously want sex, but he would hopefully have some empathy and really care about your experience. The follow up to that is to work on the problem together -- in part that means figuring out more fully the issue for him and what might need to happen to improve the situation. (I'm not convince that not finding you attractive is really the problem.) If he does not seem to care about your feelings, that speaks volumes about where you are as a couple and/or how deeply seated his issue might be. As I see it, you might then decide to live with the situation, continue to try to work on it even with his resistance (not an option I'd recommend), reconsider your relationship, or seek out professional help.