• 11 days ago

    Break up advice

    I was with my ex for 16 months im 34 and he was 31. I live on my own and he lives with his parents. We met online and things were great. We had a great connection. Everything was great for about 9 months. Then he stopped making as much effort. He wanted me to come to his more. This ment me having to sit with his parents having dinner or having to sit in his bedroom like teenagers. Arguements started and everytime we argued he would shut off not talk for days and give me the silent treatment. He would end the relationship when we argued. Then we would sort it out. Anyway he ended it for good after another petty arguement. He said he still loves me and in love but he cant deal with arguments. I was devestated. He had told me the week before that he felt i was his soul mate then he ended it after another argument.
    Ive come to learn that his mum is very controlling. Hes 31 and never left home. Both his parents work and he has a great job so he can afford to move out.
    He seems to pander to his mum and she seems jealous of his gfs.
    I spoke to another of his exs who said she also found his mother a nightmare.
    I just wonder if his mum has a lot to do with the break up or if its him. I think hes a mummys boy.
    I know i should properly find someone more independent like myself but i did really love him. Id never had a guy treat me so well especially at the start. Taking me to lovely places. Very romantic. Amazing passionate love making... but on the other side he runs from arguments or problems and he and his mother have a weird sort of dynamic.
    Its been 6 months. Ive had 2 months of no contact but i still think of him everyday.

Responses

  • 11 days ago

    RE: Break up advice

    It's normal to think of someone but I think you'll be better off without him... it's already been 2 months of no contact and you're going about your life.

    Find someone whose worth your time and effort because it doesn't seem like this guy is. I'd only go back if he made the effort himself to get out of his parents house and start living his own life independently.. that would show you that he's a grown up... I think until you get to that point, he will continue to act like a mommas boy/teenager. You can do better!
  • 10 days ago

    RE: Break up advice

    You have perfectly expressed why this guy is not a good fit for you. Chalk the time you spent with him up to experience gained and be glad you dodged a bullet.

    You said that his mother is very controlling ... take a look at some of the things your bf had you doing. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
  • 10 days ago

    RE: Break up advice

    Hi its time to move and forget him, if you want to read about a mothers boy, read Peter Sellers life story, and you should know the rest if you a follower of him.

    Your far better with out him and his mothers apron strings. OK

    NOWHARD
      • 10 days ago
        for once i have to agree with ole blo-hard dump the loser u can never live up to mum
  • 10 days ago

    RE: Break up advice

    Thanks i appreciate the replys... i understand he doesnt seem a good fit. I find it difficult to let go tho as he was a great fit in other ways... it waa the most passionate love making ive ever had. We had a great connection. He treated me so well in other ways as in romantic took me to lovely places that i to loved. He was thoughtful. Caring affectionate.
    What i was asking is if him living at home and being a mummys boy could be overlooked if he has other great qualities or am i still better off without him?.... i mean i could meet a man more independent but we might not have half as great a connection. Whats more important?
      • 10 days ago
        What's important is being away from his mother, which from what your saying will never happen, as she wont release him from her clutch's.

        NOWHARD
  • 10 days ago

    RE: Break up advice

    I understand that nowhard but why doesnt he just stand up to his mother. Hes a grown man.
      • 10 days ago
        He wont, as he is in fear of her, and does not want to upset the apple cart of his life, he is a nester, that's why he wanted you to be there and not anywhere else, he was staying next to the nest after what he thought was enough courting, if you had got as far as marriage he would have wanted you to live there.

        Something I don't think you would have wanted to do?

        NOWHARD
      • 9 days ago
        He doesn't stand up to his mothe because he is so far under her thumb he doesn't even realize it. Accept the fact that you cannot remove her from the equation. It just won't happen.

        Great sex is a wonderful thing but it is not enough to offset always being second best to your boyfriend's mother for the rest of your life. Why be an extra in your life when you should have the starring role?

        Finally, trust me on this one, it is much easier to find romance and great sex than it is to find the right life partner. Staying shackled to this guy will only stop you finding yours. Listen to his ex and learn...
  • 10 days ago

    RE: Break up advice

    No i would defo not want him live with his parents as i said i have my own place.... we talked about getting a place together tho. And his ex said when they talked about getting a place they found a house and she put a deposit down only for him to say the day before the move he couldnt go ahead with it... his family thought he was rushing into it. ... im just saying its a shame hes such a mummys boy as he was probably the best connection and sex ive ever had. So passionate. Thats not easy to find. Especially for women.
      • 9 days ago
        Hi Caramel, I think you have all the answers you ever need on this one, sorry but just wave this guy goodbye and leave it at that.

        Time to look to the future and don't dwell on what was. OK

        NOWHARD
  • 9 days ago

    RE: Break up advice

    Thanks everyone for your help and advice.
      • 9 days ago
        remember that sex does wane in a relationship at first it seems to be the only thing but as you grow together it does become one of the lesser important parts of the relationship. As you're finding out about with his mommy issues he will always compare you to her from the way you describe things deep in his mind he is makin' love to his mommy
  • 9 days ago

    RE: Break up advice

    Haha i dont know if hes making love to his mummy but maybe your right . Strange thing is he has a sister who has moved out and lives with her fiance. The mother doesnt seem that way with her. But then she does stand up to her mum... he doesnt.
    His mother even txt me and told me he will never get back with me.
    My mum would interfere like that.
      • 8 days ago
        Girls are daddy's and boys are mummy's its always been like that.

        NOWHARD
  • 9 days ago

    RE: Break up advice

    I mean my mum would never interfere like that.
      • 8 days ago
        No normal mum would interfere like that...
  • 8 days ago

    RE: Break up advice

    Not always true nowhard. Im not close to my dad at all im closer to my mum... but my mum would never interfere in my relationship. And im independent have my own flat. Him living at home at 31 when he has money and both parents work its not normal to me.
      • 7 days ago
        I'm some older than you are. I seem to see things differently. I don't think that when you find a real chance at not only knowing love but experiencing it that you can give up. It's times like right now, where you are experiencing this difficulty now that you know that there were problems on both sides, then you dig your feet into the sand and fight for each other. If he has issues with his mother stop and think how long she was the only one there with him. It is something that can be gotten past. If he was wonderful in the beginning, but then it began to change as turbulent waters arose just know that he is human and was acting out of fear. Hard times will come. I know that you did things that hurt him too and I'm sure you aren't proud of it. But don't give up unless you have given it everything you've got from the very depth of your soul.
      • 6 days ago
        Hi Caramel, Sorry but I think he is still under the rule of his mothers thumb that's why his mother texted you, its more to do with her, as she does not want you in the picture with him.

        Just move on and find another stud for your corail.

        NOWHARD
  • 6 days ago

    RE: Break up advice

    Hi yeah i get what your saying about fighting for one another. But i feel ive tried all that... i spoke to him a few months ago and he said he did still love me but that it doesnt work. I said to him well lets take time apart and work on our issues... he said no because he knows it wont change .. he said the good times werw amazing and he wont forget them but that we clashed with conflict and he feels responsible for the failure of our relationship... i havent any any other contact now for 9 weeks... ive recently went back on tinder the dating site where we met and hes on it... breaks my heart. I dont know what to think. He said only a month ago that he still loved me and needed time on his own. That he didnt want to meet anyone for a longtime.... i get peoe move on but i just feel hes told me a load of lies... either that or his mum has told him not to go back to me so hes trying to forget me.
      • 6 days ago
        U R DONE MUMMY HAS HAS HAD IT WITH U U R OUT GO FIND A TRUE LOVE U NEVER COULD HAVE IT WITH HIM HE IS MUMMY'S NOT UR'S
      • 6 days ago
        I think you should listen to your gut feeling and be grateful he let you off the hook.