• 8 days ago

    Don't know if it's a midlife crisis or what to do??

    Hi I don't know if it's a midlife crisis my husbands going through or what .I had 2 mental breakdowns 5 days the first time 6 days the 2nd time .While I was in there the second time my husband told me he wanted a divorce. He told me he loved me but wasn't in love with me, and hes been thinking on the divorce for awhile but he tried to see if it was gonna workout .I hadnt the slightest idea this was going on it hurts so bad could it be possible he's going through a midlife crisis ???? We've been together 22 years married 18 of them ,no marriage is perfect we had problems but nothing to bring this on...

Responses

  • 7 days ago

    RE: Don't know if it's a midlife crisis or what to do??

    Hi seems he has made his decision, so perhaps for him it is a midlife crisis, maybe even seeing you ill again it could stem from that and seeing you not happy and smiling, its these kind of things that would do that to him.

    You have not said but has he left you?

    If he has, have you been in contact with him or he you?

    NOWHARD
      • 5 days ago
        He made me leave
      • 5 days ago
        Hi As he made you leave, do you really wont to go back with him?

        NOWHARD
      • 5 days ago
        If he's the one who wants a divorce, why are you the one to leave?
      • 4 days ago
        Hate to say it but I love him with all my heart , but there's always gonna be that doubt ya know , I start counseling tomorrow so hopefully I can make it through this
      • Well he keeps throwing it up he bought it with his back time well either way I'm getting half I'm contacting a attorney
      • 1 day ago
        It doesn't matter who paid what for it if it was bought during your marriage ... it's common property (apart from in a very few places where they don't believe in that).
  • 6 days ago

    RE: Don't know if it's a midlife crisis or what to do??

    Ask him if he'd be willing to go to marital counselling with you. If he won't then there isn't much more to be done given that he's already made his mind up.
      • 5 days ago
        No he's not willing
      • 5 days ago
        I'm sorry to hear that. I strongly suggest you go to counselling alone - it will help you sort out your priorities and get your life back on the road. You have some difficult times ahead and you will need all the support you can get.

        (((((HUGS)))))
      • 4 days ago
        He's not I tried
      • 4 days ago
        Thank you I start tomorrow
  • RE: Don't know if it's a midlife crisis or what to do??

    Given that he seems to have done a lot of thinking that you've been totally unaware of, it makes perfect sense that this would be confused and shocked. Whatever the reason, an important question for you is how serious and committed is he to this decision. But this is difficult under the best of circumstances. With you having been so fragile, it's probably important to get professional help in trying to process this with him. If he will go to couples counseling with you, then you might want to try that. If not, then you would probably benefit from individual therapy to help you cope with the situation.
  • RE: Don't know if it's a midlife crisis or what to do??

    Although you didn't purposely do anything to bring it on, you mentioned you had two mental break downs... there are a couple of things that could be going on here. Men, despite their bravado, tend to take things more personally than they let on. When things fail (job, marriage, etc.) they secretly (and sometimes not-so-secretly if you have one that's honest) blame themselves for everything that went wrong. There's a chance that your husband might be blaming himself for your mental breakdowns. He may be seeing himself as the cause of your unhappiness. Have you been able to talk to him about it? Is there a possibility of marriage counselling? Sometimes having a moderator can allow each of you to speak, while acting as a rational mentor, if you will.
    Do you have children? I can't imagine that after 22 yrs. of marriage he would just want to up and leave unless there was something seriously plaguing him.
    Chances are, he's removing himself in order to allow you to be happy. It's irrational, yet rational in his mind because no one has told him otherwise.

    This is just a suggestion. Something to think about.
      • Yes we have 2 17 and 16 year old and he just says he's not in love with me anymore but he loves and cares for me and always will .Idk I tried everything I just have to face reality cause as much as it hurts my marriage is over .He says the relationship isn't because we have kids but the marriage is ..Idk how to take that really .
  • 3 days ago

    RE: Don't know if it's a midlife crisis or what to do??

    Well if he has made up his mind, it is not worth trying to change it. Even if you are successful in getting it done, it will still be like a sword hanging 4ever.
  • 2 days ago

    RE: Don't know if it's a midlife crisis or what to do??

    Hi, midlife issues are real. I think it happens to many couples. The problem for you is if he is not willing to seek help you need to protect yourself and seek the help of an divorce attorney. By you leaving the circumstances might work against you. Starting now you need to seek information from an attorney so that your well being is not jeopardized. Seeking information to protect yourself does not mean you can not still seek a resolution that keeps your relationship ongoing. This is a hurtful, dreadful situation but you must protect yourself, run don’t walk to seek all information that you can find. I wish you the best and hope your broken heart finds some comfort.
  • 2 days ago

    RE: Don't know if it's a midlife crisis or what to do??

    Is he open to discussion/marriage counseling?

    I am a life coach and work in a psychiatric practice. Often times, family/loved ones have a difficult time dealing with severe illnesses. The natural fight or flight instinct can kick in and unfortunately, some choose flight.

    There's more information about life and relationship coaching on my website
    https://christinamallen.wordpress.com/services/
      • 2 days ago
        cmallenclc try reading through the answers above, as some of you answers are there from the OP.

        NOWHARD
  • 19 hours ago

    RE: Don't know if it's a midlife crisis or what to do??

    Frankly from my own experience, it is not worth it if the other party has shown no interest in reconciliation. Best bet is like comments from peonygirl1, protect your financial interests & future of your kids. Good luck n keep in mind Life is not over just because this relation is over.
  • 14 hours ago

    RE: Don't know if it's a midlife crisis or what to do??

    I can relate to this. My wife told me the same thing and she is still here making the family life difficult. Been together 22 years, been married for 14 years. She makes things so difficult to the point that she is not talking. She decided to separate the finances. She takes pay, she spends her money the way she wants it. I have tried talking to her to put the finances together, this way things will be much easier but she had refused. We had issues since 2004, and she is still holding onto to it. The confusing part about this, we are both Christians. I am so worked out. I love my wife but I don't think she does. We have 3 kids and another is on the way
      • 11 hours ago
        I also went through this, even told my ex to let bygones be bygones. told her during our only boy's growing up were busy with his upbringing. As now he graduated & got job and living his life, we have the means and time to enjoy our life but she was bent on walking out. So friends take from me, it is worth to let this kind of relation go. Of course it hurts/pains me sometimes still now but Hey life is not always what you want. Like the saying "when gives limes make lemonade". Don't stress out, you will have a better life. May be this relation was not meant to survive. Good luck.