• 2 months ago

    Sexless Marriage

    Been married for 45 years and arguing about frequency of sex for 42 of them. Now there's nothing. Wife just wants me for a room mate.
    I don't know how much longer I can do this. She insists I sleep in same bed. She will not talk about none of it.

Responses

  • 2 months ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    Hi there. Thanks for posting. What your wife is currently going through in terms of a lack of sexual desire is something that a lot of men and women go through, especially in their 40s and 50s.

    Has she spoken to her doctor about her lack of desire? Her doctor might be able to point her in right direction in regards to what could be causing it. Is it a physical reason (hormonal changes)? Or perhaps, her lack of desire is more psychological (body image, stress, etc). Or maybe it's a combination of many things. Regardless, her doctor might be able to address one or all of these causes.

    I think that this ( http://wb.md/2cYtaxf) is an informative resource that you and your wife can read together about loss of sexual desire when a woman is over 40. I hope this helps.

    Be sure to come back and update us. We're here for you, even if it's just to listen. You aren't alone :)
      • 2 months ago
        I went to the Doctor with my wife. She tells him she doesn't need it so there is no problem. She won't read anything about it, so there's nothing left to do. Thanks for the suggestions though.
  • 2 months ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    I am 53 and have joined the monkhood for 6 years. I am done begging for it. Wonder why I have anxiety issues. Your not alone by any means. I now know why and understand why some guys cheat. Don't condone it but understand.
      • 2 months ago
        My husband has atherosclerosis. He's been impotent for 20 years of our 31 year marriage. He wasn't interested much in sex prior to that. He's not missed a night of sitting and eating his junk food however in most of the 31 years. And he does not shower. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole at this point! He also has vascular dementia as a result of the hardening of the arteries. I've been his housemate and now his caregiver. Not what I signed up for!
  • 2 months ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    Yo u need to tell her that if she issnt cooperating you need to find it somewhere else.
  • 1 month ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    I have the same problem a sexless marriage. However my problem is opposite. I am the one with no desire. My wife and I sleep in same bed married 14 years and I am 56.
    I have really never had an interest.
    We tried in beginning but it didn't work out. Now she got frustrated. Blame me.
    I feel sexually frustrated I want sex in my life but
  • 1 month ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    I am not a sex therapist or anything like that but as a woman who has been in this situation before I just want to ask some questions to start off with.
    First of all, how often do you have sex? And who is it that thinks you're getting not enough or too much sex? Is it you or your wife?
    Most women seem to need some sex every once in a while at least. Even if she's not feeling well, and you try to initiate sex, and she turns you down, at least she KNOWS that you're interested.
    I don't want to jump to any kind of crazy conclusion, but do you or your wife have a sexual partner outside of marriage?
    I went longer than I care to remember about sex. It seemed to me like my husband didn't care. I thought maybe my husband was cheating. He wasn't, but he never even talked about sex or acted interested in anything like it. I know you said your wife is the one who won't talk, so maybe you should be the one who does. I was the one that went to my husband and confronted him. I told him that I have been without sex for a long time and I wanted to do it again. I reminded him of how crazy we were about it when we first got married. I asked him if it was something wrong with me that he didn't want anymore sex. But you know what it came down to? I had started a new birth control method and was sick for months. I didn't have any sex with him at all. Turns out he assumed since I didn't feel like it before and I never talked about getting back in it I never wanted to do it again. Man logic. But I could have avoided all those sexless nights if I had asked earlier and resolved something so trivial. I don't know what your situation is, but you should be the one who walks up to her and ask her up front what the problem is. Eventually she will open up to you. Good luck
      • 1 month ago
        Thanks so much!
        The problem is me in the beginning!
        We don't have others!
        I never had a desire for sex with her! We have tried occasionally in our marriage but we both have resigned to the fact since she went through menopause now there is no desire both ways.
        However. We both don't want have a sexless forever
        We just don't know how to get past the lack of desire
      • You have obviously been struggling with this for many years, and so there may be many factors that have built up over the years. For instance, there may be physical/medical problems, emotional issues, entrenched behavioral patterns, or specifically sexual issues that could be resolved with education and/or some guidance. You might each try going to your physicians to rule out physical issues; our a couples therapist to rule out emotional/relationship issues. Also, you might try seeking out a licensed sex therapist. One place to start trying to find one is the American Association of Sexuality Educators, counselors, and therapists.
        https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory

        If you have a sense of what might be going on and you want to share more, we are here to listen.
  • 1 month ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    I am not a sex therapist or anything like that but as a woman who has been in this situation before I just want to ask some questions to start off with.
    First of all, how often do you have sex? And who is it that thinks you're getting not enough or too much sex? Is it you or your wife?
    Most women seem to need some sex every once in a while at least. Even if she's not feeling well, and you try to initiate sex, and she turns you down, at least she KNOWS that you're interested.
    I don't want to jump to any kind of crazy conclusion, but do you or your wife have a sexual partner outside of marriage?
    I went longer than I care to remember about sex. It seemed to me like my husband didn't care. I thought maybe my husband was cheating. He wasn't, but he never even talked about sex or acted interested in anything like it. I know you said your wife is the one who won't talk, so maybe you should be the one who does. I was the one that went to my husband and confronted him. I told him that I have been without sex for a long time and I wanted to do it again. I reminded him of how crazy we were about it when we first got married. I asked him if it was something wrong with me that he didn't want anymore sex. But you know what it came down to? I had started a new birth control method and was sick for months. I didn't have any sex with him at all. Turns out he assumed since I didn't feel like it before and I never talked about getting back in it I never wanted to do it again. Man logic. But I could have avoided all those sexless nights if I had asked earlier and resolved something so trivial. I don't know what your situation is, but you should be the one who walks up to her and ask her up front what the problem is. Eventually she will open up to you. Good luck
  • 1 month ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    there are sicknesses that cause complete and total loss of libo. I know I have one. It is one of the early symptoms of what I have if I would of spoken to my doc earlier things would have been easier
  • 1 month ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    There can be many medical issues but I think over time we forget the biggest part. Have you tried dating your wife again? Over the years we forget why we fell in love in the first place aND we get stuck in the same pattern. Don't focus on sex. Try dating to learn each other again. Talk about when y'all first met and the things that attracted you to each other. Act like teenagers again. You might find the desire coming back
      • 1 month ago
        I've tried everything. Talking, counseling, at least what w could afford since insurance isn't available to pay for it, but nothing works. We have not had sex for almost four years. I gave up asking long ago. The anger is there all the time. There doesn't seem to be an answer,
      • I'm sorry you feel so stuck. When you say you've tried everything, does that include going to a sex therapist? If so, I'm wondering if that person was able to give you any direction (they can often help you sort through possible causes and ways to address them) -- though obviously it was not enough to fix your problem.

        If you want, please feel free to share more and get support here; and let us know if there is more we can do for you.
  • 1 month ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    I am not a professional, but have lived through a lot of life. It is very unfair if one person in a relationship decides to give up sex. If the idea of getting professional help is not working, I believe the non-sexual person needs to give permission to their SO to find a safe sexual partner. For a sexual person to live all their married life without love-making is very cruel. Where is the love or regard in that kind of relationship?
  • 1 month ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    I read most of the posts about sexless marriage and it comforts me somewhat that I am not alone. My wife has no desire. And I think I'm somewhat of a hip, good looking guy. Then when I read that it is OK to ask for a safe sex partner out of the marriage, wow..i sometimes think of that but feel very disappointed that my wife and I cant have a relationship like we did years ago. Its sad when one has a desire and the other does not. I'm really a gentle, good hearted soul that has a sexual desire. Its bad when you have to suppress it. Its not healthy overall. I wish there was an easy answer without hurting the next person's feelings.
  • 26 days ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    Sex is a very important part of marriage. It is sad to hear that someone refuses to get help especially when their partner asks.

    I hate to be so blunt but as a single woman it would be nice if you could divorce your husbands so that us single women had a chance.

    Don't get me wrong. I've had three children and then went through menopause at 43. There were plenty of times when sex was not desirable to me. But you women and men owe it to your partner's to at least talk about and do something about it!!
  • RE: Sexless Marriage

    This situation is understandably upsetting. But it would help us if you could share a bit more about it. For example, answering the following questions and providing other similar information might help: How is your relationship other outside of sex? Other than arguing, what have you tried to do to improve the situation? What is your wife's response when you bring up this topic? And what are your thoughts and responses to her? Also, have you tried any couple therapy?
      • Oops. My computer (or the website) glitched and blocked the whole conversation until this point -- thus my previous response as if this conversation did not happen. I agree with you; I wish there were an easy answer. Does your wife show concern about your distress? If she does, then maybe there is still a way to make things better. If you have not tried a sex therapist, that is one possibility. Such a qualified person can offer some education, help your wife discover and increase her libido, and can help the two of you approach your sex life in a different way. It's essential that whatever you do, you try to talk with your wife when you are both calm and take the time to be sensitive to each other's perspective/dilemma. By the time you are arguing, you have lost the ability to be there for and understand each other; and no progress is likely to happen. I do hope- even at this late point in your marriage - that you find a way to be happier together. (I hope this posts-- I seem to be having more trouble on this page)
  • 17 days ago

    RE: Sexless Marriage

    Hi I think you wife body has just switched off, through my life I have heard this form guys some switch off after the birth of there last child.

    As for men there is not a lot can be as these experts on here should know, there now resolved to the life they have, there happy, and they enjoy working for there men and keeping fed and the house clean.

    Sorry but that's it, its no good dragging them around from expert to expert, this will just make things far worst.

    Time to find a mistress for your sexual requirements, and enjoy life that way. OK

    NOWHARD
      • 16 days ago
        please no hard learn how spell & grammar it is their not there GEEZ 1st graders
      • 6 days ago
        So have you answered this question or just here put others down?

        You a teacher then?

        NOWHARD