• 26 days ago

    How to stick to a family ultimatum

    This is a follow up to a previous post I did a few weeks ago.
    https://messageboards.webmd.com/family-pregnancy/f/relationships/19342/sticky-family-situation

    I saw a counselor. The counselor suggested a write a letter to my parents stating that how they've made me feel in the past and giving them conditions such as they must accept my husband and if they send me on another guilt trip I'm gone for good. As in delete their numbers from my phone. I currently live 50 miles from my parents. In a few months I will be moving 300 miles away from my parents. The counselor also suggested that the extra distance could do me some good since I won't be worried about my parents trying to find me.
    My husband brought this up. I've made numerous "this is their last chance" ultimatums in the past but never stuck to them. Specifically using the term "judgement day." Although I haven't spoken to my parents in 4 years I still receive text messages from my mom. I've said on numerous occasions I would delete their numbers from my phone, I never have. I've said I wouldn't read their text messages, I still have. My husband notices that every time I get a text from my mom I get stressed out. He jokes that if I was hooked up all my vitals would spike.
    I feel like there is a constant angel and devil on my shoulder about this. One side says cut them off completely, you don't want to ever talk to them again while the other side says there's still hope.
    My mom has apologized in several texts but I don't think the apologies are genuine because she said "I know I did things to hurt you in the past" but never mentioned the specific thing. I know my dad will never apologize. I have said that both must apologize for me to consider talking to them again.

Responses

  • 24 days ago

    RE: How to stick to a family ultimatum

    Why do you keep setting yourself up for failure? You know that yoiu're never going to get the apologies that you want so why persist? All of your threats fall on deaf ears because you never follow through. Ask yourself what truly matters for you - staying in touch with your parents or them showing some respect for your husband.

    If you really want to cut off all contact with them it's easy. Just do it. Erase/block all of their numbers/addresses and do not hesitate about this. The longer you allow yourself to flip-flop about this the longer you drag out the situation.

    I also suggest you work with your therapist on why you find it so hard to let go.
  • 24 days ago

    RE: How to stick to a family ultimatum

    Hi This is what I wrote before.

    Hi You could just say you only come if the now accept your husband and he will come with you, and in no way are you to be used as a bargaining point for your Fathers health.

    And take it from there.

    NOWHARD

    I still stick with that statement, cant you see your being used in a very bad way, yes cut and run.

    If you can.

    NOWHARD