• 1 month ago

    "Bad" step mom role issues

    Just need some advice on a war I can never win at....When I married my husband 7 years ago, I took on his son as my own(he was 8 then).. I tried to be the stepmom that any kid would want.. I went with him to sports games, read him books at bed,did his laundry, etc....but, I started to learn from beginning that it wasnt going to be easy....he is an only child, as is my husband... my husband was smothered by his parents, got everything he wanted handed to him and he could "never do wrong"...I noticed his son was being raised same way (he is only child, too). I believe in discipline and rules.... but when his son would come be with us, rules were never adhered to.. he is allowed to make messes and never clean up...he asks for things and he always gets it...everything is "sugar coated" so his feelings never get hurt... he is now almost 15 and nothing has changed...everytime he comes to visit, husband and I fight over "rules"....I am defeated when it comes to this and I don't know how to support the "no rules in our house" way of living? He now knows how to manipulate us into fighting and coming in between us because he knows his dad will never punish him and I am now the evil "stepmom" for trying to have rules. Advice?

Responses

  • 1 month ago

    RE: "Bad" step mom role issues

    I appreciate this post, and your efforts in being a real parent. Having an only child myself I see the struggles you are dealing with daily too. If your husband's son is a teenager I would try to have an open discussion about respect with him and if possible the other parents in his life. I wish you the best of luck with this, and hope your hard work in attempts to be a family is appreciated!
  • 3 days ago

    RE: "Bad" step mom role issues

    I went through something very similar. My fiancee and I have completely opposite partnering styles. I am all about schedules, rules, respect, and think these are extremely important. His daughter, who was 9-11 at this time, would ask if she can sleep on the couch in the living room and I would always say no-mainly because it was a school night but because I thought it was important for us to have adult time too and if we couldn't be in the living room, we would end up going to sleep. This is just one example... he ended up screaming and yelling at me every time I said no to anything right in front of her and would let he do it even if I said no. This was a complete disaster that 3 years later we are still trying to fix. She had no respect for me and would run and tell hey dad whenever I said no to anything and he would come and confront me about it. She is 12 now and is finally being a little more respectful towards me but we even split for a little while because of issues like this. Your partner should never side with the child in front of them even if they agree with the child!